Should I report my work colleague to HR?

[donniedarko89]

New colleague in my team, more senior than me, we both report to the same manager. He's been very defensive of his time, deflecting some meetings, camera turned off etc. This morning he said his kid (2yo) was at home and he would have to drop out of our Teams meeting at times, as his partner also had work calls. I asked if the kid was sick, he said no he's fine - he just stays at home. I said juggling work & childcare gives me lockdown flashbacks, to which he replied: "well obviously you don't enjoy spending time with your kid".

Now, I have two big issues with the above:

1. Why is my whole salary going into childcare, and this person who gets paid more than me thinks it's OK to have a full-time job without using childcare?
2. How dare he judge my parenting in such a petty, horrible way?

I screenshotted his horrible comment but not sure whether I should report this. I don't want to sound too petty or like a tattle-tale, but I have rarely been so floored by a similar comment made in a work context. My boss doesn't like meddling into our arguments, but this must be surely worth his attention? What would you do?

When women are wfh and have to look after children at the same time that is accepted on here, why is a man doing it different?
I don't think it's acceptable for a man or a woman to be prioritising childcare over their paid employment during working hours.

I'm in favour of flexible working, being able to take breaks when needed (eg to walk the dogs, do the school run, attend medical appointments) and have different working hours that are appropriate for their role.

I'm not in favour of any people taking the piss telling their colleagues they might have to not to X, Y, Z tasks and leave meetings because they think WFH means they don't need to make appropriate childcare arrangements.

It’s not for HR who will just direct you to your manager. What do you want to achieve by reporting it? If it’s just because you are angry and want to get him into trouble then no, I wouldn’t because you will look petty and probably do yourself no favours. If you have a legitimate reason like you want him to change his behaviour because of a significant impact on you then that may be a different matter.

Think I would be tempted to approach HR and confirm that there is no issue with you keeping your kids at home while you're working as the precedent has been set. But it would be the petty way to deal with it.

I don't think it's petty at all and it's what I would do (although with my manager, not HR). If the company is okay with employees not working while having kids at home, the OP should also be able to do it. If the company isn't okay with that then her colleague needs to be told.

While most places would agree employees should not WFH with no childcare at all in place, the details of that do vary.

Some workplaces are fine with an hour or so here and there (eg. after-school club ends at 4.30 but you're on the clock til 5.30), some are not. Some workplaces would like you to just do your best at WFH if the kid is sick, others would require you to take the whole day off as sick yourself. Some workplaces monitor every keystroke, other workplaces are extremely relaxed and as long as the work gets done they literally don't care if you do it at 10pm.

If he's new, why not ask your manager in a 1-1 what the company policy is - because you're personally spending a lot of your income on childcare but others are not?

That should be enough. HR is bad karma.

He does sound like a knob, though that's a separate issue.

Is there any more to this which has influenced your opinion about him? Only going by your mention that your boss doesn't like meddling in your arguments. If there's a back story of him making digs it's a bit different but otherwise it's not his fault your salary is going into childcare, a pain maybe but the comment wasn't so strong HR will be able to do much with it and tbh might reflect worse on you than it does on him. Really depends on the wider context though

Don't do anything yet, but keep a record. If it's genuinely causing problems (which it doubtless will if this isn't a one-off), then raise it.

I'd report him, DH works from home and no way would he suggest looking after our child at the same time because he knows it's taking the piss.

too many businesses are requesting for employees to come back in the office, because of CF like him. They are ruining it for everybody.

Better reporting him before everyone is penalised. You work with adults, you should be able to trust them to behave like adults, sadly there's always one.

If you report anything, it should be his comments to you. I personally wouldn’t report the lack of childcare as this will be noticed by his line manager if he is so flippant about it. It is not ok to work and look after your child for most employers.

You are currently doing the responsible thing for your family and career. It doesn’t feel fair right now but he will be caught out.

If he's dropping out of meetings he should be attending and this is a "standard" day then it's affecting his work.

For now I'd ask HR if it's ok to keep your child at home while working, just to see what they tell you.

It's negligent to work with a small child, through lockdown people muddled through as there wasn't any choice and doing what you can when they're poorly is fine, but poor child and shitty parents now there is a choice. If they can't afford childcare they should sort something out, a 2 year old shouldn't be stuck at home with 2 parents working. Also selfish on the rest of the team who will invariably be picking up the slack at times. I don't know what I'd do though, although I hate the mind your own business mantra.

I’d dob him in without a second thought. The man is a prick.

Agreed, but it sounds like they have previous and OP would be at risk of making herself look petty and unprofessional.

She needs to wait until either she has sustained evidence of childcare affecting his performance (best option), or several screenshots of him being a dick to her as above - with absolutely no chance of him being able to reciprocate when it's raised.

Is he doing his job? Are any of his deficiencies impacting your role? If not, then I'd suggest you stay out of it. If they are, then by all means report him to his Line Manager.

As for the camera thing, that's really not a big deal - I'd rather look at a blank screen than people fidgeting or picking their noses.

Talk to your manager first, HR as a second option. Judging your parenting without any reasonable grounds could be the starting point of any conversation.

If his kid was sick I would say nothing. If this is his permanent arrangement that’s taking the absolute piss and I’d report the CF

OP, it sounds like you and your colleague don't get on brilliantly if you've mentioned your manager doesn't like 'meddling in our arguments'. Make a note of it, keep the screen shot but don't make this your hill to die on. It's petty. Build a case if needs be but you run the risk of really lowering yourself in your manager's eyes with this.

This.

I agree with this approach. His comment doesn't warrant being reported but his attitude to work certainly does.

Stay well out of it. He's senior to you, and it'll soon become apparent if he's dropping out of meetings etc.

Not a hill I'd choose to die on, it'll just make you look petty in honesty.

This guy's essentially bringing his childcare duties to paid work. That's everyone's business. It's not on.

Its an annoying thing for him to have said, but that's about it. None of the rest is your business really.

Focus on your own work and performance OP , his arrangements are for him and his manager to sort. You sound bitter.

It depends what your workplace policy is about caring for children and work. My work say you have to have childcare in place.

I'd raise it with your manager now without keeping a petty log. Don't say "it's not fair", say that you plan to do the same from now on if this is acceptable. They will soon make a policy if they don't have one and this guy won't be able to do this any more.

Oh and I don't care if you are male or female, you need to pay for childcare. It's completely unacceptable.