To think people in the UK are very lax generally about children being left alone?

[Toxicityofourcity]

Not from the UK. Some of the threads on here baffle me when it comes to leaving children alone. Children as young as 10 and 11 getting themselves home from the school, bus etc and letting themselves into an empty house. Being left for a few hours on their own. Have just read a thread about a 16yr old being left for 4 days... because she has to mind some cats?!? WTF? I just don't understand. This is not something that's done in my country at all. Is it a cultural thing? Do people not worry about house fires, accidents, abductions etc.? I just really don't understand it. But here on MN it seems totally acceptable?

I'm not leaving my kids alone at 17 for 4 nights personally, jeez OP what is wrong with you! 😄

Literally not gunning for anyone... trying to understand why outlooks are so different. And I see it here regularly, parents asking when is it okay to leave a child at home alone for x amount of time? The thread about the 16 year old just totally blew my mind though 😅

There is a TV show in Japan, or was, filming children doing their 'first errand' the parent sends them to a shop and they go alone, usually buy something they want not what the parent has said, pay and go home again.

They are toddlers.

What you are not taking into account is the society around what children can do and are expected to do. Children in the UK generally get themselves to and from school at age 10 or 11.

My first day of school I was taken, the second day my mum walked me to the bus stop and I travelled alone. Yes it was a school bus but the only adult on the bus was the driver.

We moved house and my mum got a job when I was 6 or 7, I loved coming home to an empty house.

In Scotland many start uni and leave home age 17. I did and many others I knew were in the same position.

Is Ireland wildly more dangerous than we've all been led to believe?

I'm in Scandinavia; my children have been taking themselves home from school since they were 7. And looking after themselves until I get home.

The 12 year old sometimes spends nights at home by himself. He'll be going on scout camp this summer where they build all their own tents and cooking facilities (axes! Knives! Fire!) and plan and cook their own food.

This weekend the 16 year old took trains by himself for 8 hours to a weekend camp and then to another city to buy a surfboard off eBay equivalent and brought it home. It was the first time he'd planned a trip like that, so I showed him how to book, how the different carriage options work, what to watch out for, etc etc. And DH was ready on the other end of the phone through the surfboard buying and transporting process to troubleshoot.

The goal is surely to raise capable, well-judging adults. How can you do that if you don't let them learn?

Just because they're having sex at that age, doesn't mean they should be? 16 year olds can have children, drop out of school, take drugs etc at that age... doesn't mean they should be though?

Leaving school at 16 is not dropping out. It is leaving school.
You can take drugs at any age - I take it you mean illegal ones - as there is guidance on this.
You can get married.
You can give consent to your own medical treatment.

The answer to all those are different for each child. It depends on the child and circumstance.

My Dd (now an adult) never walked to and from school because there wasn’t a direct bus and it was a 3 mile walk on an unlit country lane. Because the buses went the other way it would have taken 3 buses and well over an hour. I worked for myself, so didn’t have to worry about work and took her.

DS started walking to school at 10, because I moved and the school gate is 30 feet from the house and I could still watch him go over from the upstairs window I could see him walk to the classroom. Ds has autism and less mature than his sister was. But he would see his friends coming, go out and walk with them. It helped give him some confidence. He is at high school and walks with friends to and from school. It’s entirely normal here.

Dd was rarely left alone until she was about 15. As we would be taking ds when we went out, she would want to come anyway. Ds gets left alone now for up to a couple of hours, if he doesn’t want to come where I am going.

if the circumstances were different it would have been at different ages.

There’s no exact ‘this is the right age’

At age 16 I went on holiday on my own, got a job, stayed at my boyfriend's and his parents house for the night. Where I come from children as young as 6 and 7 go to school on their own. YABU.

So just looked up the legalities and while there is no legal age limit to be left alone in Ireland, children under the age of 14 'should not be left alone for more than a very short period of time'.

Maybe things are just different here - will look up the guidance for the UK

https://www.tusla.ie/uploads/content/Tusla--ShortguideeforparentsswhoareenewlyarriveddinIrelandd1.pdf

I don't how and where you got that impression.
My impression is the opposite - too many parents keep their children in some kind of cocoon far too long - and then after they're 18 they are by some miracle supposed to be suddenly capable to fend for themselves.
I know a couple from London who sent their kids to friends during school holidays and got into an apoplectic fit when they heard their kids went roaming the countryside - not alone, with local kids.

I have lots of family in rural Ireland and the children are regularly left alone while the parents go out for the evening.

With the older ones around 15 caring for the younger ones.

If the parents were to go away for a few days, they would 100% leave the older one behind to mind the dogs.

They also get themselves to school and back and are sent to the shops by themselves etc

So my family’s views defo don’t match you’re experience of Ireland!

No doubt @Toxicityofourcity will be back in a few years time wondering why her her adult children lack confidence and suffer from anxiety.

Her username says it all though.

I started a full-time job three weeks after my 16th birthday, I'm pretty sure I could have been trusted to stay at home alone for a few days! I also started secondary school at the age of 10 and was more than capable of getting myself to and from school from an early age - and I don't live in the UK.

Interesting responses on this thread.

I posted about this in legal for advice, but my post was hidden.

(Mumsnet, I'm not a troll, but I am a namechange - check my post history)

The consensus on this thread appears to be that its fine to leave a teenager alone for an hour or two.

I came home on Sun afternoon to find two police officers detaining my 15 year old daughter, after her (estranged and vindictive) father had reported her being home alone. (I had been shopping for about 2h).

She was told she could not deny them entry as she was a minor, and that she must be in their sight at all times until I or social services turned up. The whole sorry episode ends with me being arrested and charged with breach of the peace after demanding that they leave my house.

I think it's the other way round actually.

A lot of other countries are very lax on their kids being alone and even watching their other siblings.

So no. Not a 'British thing'.

And no doubt someone will be on here wondering why your adult children are so judgmental and rude towards people making queries, musings or just simple observations.

This. ⬆

.and this post is why when they get to university, the personal tutor ( me), basically has to act as a mother because they have never had to be independent!

And this. ⬆

One of my uni colleagues was lambasted by a mother over the phone because her 18 year old son had got drunk. Colleague should have been watching him and making sure he didn't stay out late drinking, apparently.

Strangling your child with apron strings isn't a kindness.

Very much like the UK then. Few rules and lots of should and oughts.

16-year olds in both cases can be left to look after cats.

You are the only person I see being judgemental.

Daft nonsense in the OP. As others have pointed out, in the UK as in most Western countries, kids now generally have less freedom than they used to.

And I'm sure the same is true even for a backward country like Ireland. Children would have been left to their own devices most of the time and it's only recently that people like the OP have become over-protective.

🤣🤣🤣

I've just remembered that at age 5 I used to ride to school on the back of my friend's bike - my friend was 8.

Anyway, cheers for all the input and opinions, the thread was quite interesting. I should have just googled to begin with though as I did find that no, it's absolutely not recommended to leave children 14 and under alone. The 16 year old being left to mind cats for 4 days while their family went on hols is still bizarre, but apparently legal 😅

Anyway, have a good day all, done with this thread now.

"Have just read a thread about a 16yr old being left for 4 days... because she has to mind some cats?!? WTF?"

At 16 (in 2000) I went to Mallorca with a group of mates for a fortnight. No adults.

If anything, I'm shocked at how much people baby their older teens now. Of course it would be fine to leave your average 16 year old for 4 days. Give it another 2 years and they're off to Uni, getting up to god knows what!

At (just) 11 I went to secondary school by train - so that's a 20 minute walk, a 15 minute train, and a 30 minute walk. Any child from my village going to that (or a couple of other schools in the same town) still has the same commute.

How do you suggest they get to school otherwise? That's the reality of rural life.