Page 3 | To think people in the UK are very lax generally about children being left alone?

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 20/06/2023 05:01

Toxicityofourcity · 20/06/2023 04:56

Well to be fair @YetMoreNewBeginnings it is absolutely not the norm in this country, outside of major cities like Dublin maybe.

In your experience. Which isn’t universal. Not even in your own country.

My cousins kids go to school on public transport. They live in a town, not a city.

The norm in your exact are isn’t the norm everywhere clearly. Rather than UK parents being a bunch of irresponsible idiots as your OP implied

SoooBloodyTired · 20/06/2023 05:01

SoooBloodyTired · 20/06/2023 04:58

@Toxicityofourcity OP do you have children yourself and are they still little by any chance? I tend to agree with you but my children are under 5 and I struggle to envision versions of them that would be independent and able to be left alone. I also struggle to envision a version of myself that would be less consumed by their well-being and able to let go of some responsibility for them (I am on maternity leave at the moment). BUT as they get older and you see what they’re capable of I imagine this becomes easier to comprehend? Your replies will mostly be from people with older children who have got past that phase where their children are extremely vulnerable, and as things have evolved over years they have built up to a point where on looking at their kids (who they know inside out) they have decided they can reasonably leave them alone? 10/11 seems very young to me too, but I haven’t got a 10/11 year old yet so I don’t actually know how my brain will compute letting them go to school alone or come home alone etc.

Oh I missed that you have children over 13, ignore me then haha!

ItsBritneyBitchhhh · 20/06/2023 05:02

SoooBloodyTired · 20/06/2023 04:58

@Toxicityofourcity OP do you have children yourself and are they still little by any chance? I tend to agree with you but my children are under 5 and I struggle to envision versions of them that would be independent and able to be left alone. I also struggle to envision a version of myself that would be less consumed by their well-being and able to let go of some responsibility for them (I am on maternity leave at the moment). BUT as they get older and you see what they’re capable of I imagine this becomes easier to comprehend? Your replies will mostly be from people with older children who have got past that phase where their children are extremely vulnerable, and as things have evolved over years they have built up to a point where on looking at their kids (who they know inside out) they have decided they can reasonably leave them alone? 10/11 seems very young to me too, but I haven’t got a 10/11 year old yet so I don’t actually know how my brain will compute letting them go to school alone or come home alone etc.

Well my children are 1 & 2 and my point still stands

Amby1 · 20/06/2023 05:02

How on earth will they ever learn to be independent if they aren't ever left alone? Four days for a 16 year old is perfectly reasonable so long as the 16 year old is comfortable with it. If a 16 year old doesn't know how to react in an emergency such as a fire as you cite, you have not equipped them with basic life skills. Many teenagers will move out at the age 17/18 for university or college.

Original poster

Toxicityofourcity · 20/06/2023 05:04

SoooBloodyTired · 20/06/2023 04:58

@Toxicityofourcity OP do you have children yourself and are they still little by any chance? I tend to agree with you but my children are under 5 and I struggle to envision versions of them that would be independent and able to be left alone. I also struggle to envision a version of myself that would be less consumed by their well-being and able to let go of some responsibility for them (I am on maternity leave at the moment). BUT as they get older and you see what they’re capable of I imagine this becomes easier to comprehend? Your replies will mostly be from people with older children who have got past that phase where their children are extremely vulnerable, and as things have evolved over years they have built up to a point where on looking at their kids (who they know inside out) they have decided they can reasonably leave them alone? 10/11 seems very young to me too, but I haven’t got a 10/11 year old yet so I don’t actually know how my brain will compute letting them go to school alone or come home alone etc.

Totally with you, and your viewpoint! My DC are at that weird age where they're in secondary school, it's Summer, too old for camps or childcare and too young for little Summer jobs... but I still wouldn't leave them home all day on their own. It's just too dangerous. What if someone clocked they were coming home by themselves every day to an empty house? What if they tried to cook something (DC are very competent in the kitchen) and forgot to turn the stove off? I just don't understand how 10 or 11 year olds can be allowed in an empty house by themselves? But again, maybe it's because that's what they're taught and what's expected of them?

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Bellavida99 · 20/06/2023 05:05

In Malta you’d see 5/6 year olds walking to school alone navigating zebra crossings etc. now that did look young to me but in uk I agree we’re pretty cautious

Original poster

Toxicityofourcity · 20/06/2023 05:06

@YetMoreNewBeginnings please take from my OP whatever you like if it makes you happy. I'm merely here out of curiosity, not to imply anything.

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YetMoreNewBeginnings · 20/06/2023 05:06

I also find this utterly illogical

Plenty of 16 year olds are left alone for the odd night... not for 4 nights!

If the worry is fires or an inability to cope alone why is the odd night ok but not four? When is two/three/four nights ok?

I actually think this is why so many students are utterly ill equipped when they start Uni now. Babied until 17.5 and then expected to fly completely solo at 18

Original poster

Toxicityofourcity · 20/06/2023 05:06

@YetMoreNewBeginnings and your cousins kids experience also isn't universal btw

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YetMoreNewBeginnings · 20/06/2023 05:06

Toxicityofourcity · 20/06/2023 05:06

@YetMoreNewBeginnings please take from my OP whatever you like if it makes you happy. I'm merely here out of curiosity, not to imply anything.

You didn’t imply anything, you outright called it irresponsible.

Somethingneedstochange78 · 20/06/2023 05:06

They can get married at 16 with parents consent join the army at 17 and legally drink and smoke at 18. But they're too young to be left overnight at 16?🤔 That's if they are neuro typical of course. Mine aren't and never will do any of what you or I have mentioned btw before you come at me. I was doing all those you listed at a younger age. Most parents let they're kids walk alone to school to prepare them for secondary. It's not cool to be seen with mummy or daddy dropping them off. Unless you want them to get bullied.

Original poster

Toxicityofourcity · 20/06/2023 05:09

Somethingneedstochange78 · 20/06/2023 05:06

They can get married at 16 with parents consent join the army at 17 and legally drink and smoke at 18. But they're too young to be left overnight at 16?🤔 That's if they are neuro typical of course. Mine aren't and never will do any of what you or I have mentioned btw before you come at me. I was doing all those you listed at a younger age. Most parents let they're kids walk alone to school to prepare them for secondary. It's not cool to be seen with mummy or daddy dropping them off. Unless you want them to get bullied.

I'd prefer them to be safe... the thought of them being bullied because Mum drops them to school doesn't trump safety in my eyes

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hoxtonbabe · 20/06/2023 05:09

@Toxicityofourcity

I can’t speak for Ireland but it’s done in London and I have done it.

Once my youngest son hit 11 and started secondary (he’s only 15 now so not so many moons ago) he had to trek back and forth to his school 3 miles and stay home for a few hours alone.. most families I know do that, it’s just the norm.

My other son had to do an 8 miles school trip ( from age 12) left home to get on public transport at 7.15am to get into school for 8.15am, and there were days I was in when he got home and days I was not, not once did he ever encounter any trouble or have any issues and as I said I’m in London 🤷🏽‍♀️

TowerStork · 20/06/2023 05:11

OP, I really don't think your views are typical of rural Ireland either. You are of course entitled to your views on patenting but you insist on blanket descriptions of UK parents being irresponsible and Irish parents being sheltered, which no body here recognises.

By the way, where I come from in rural Ireland 16 year olds drive tractors, train as life guards, and are absolutely left at home if the parents need to go away. It's true that neighbours and cousins are around to check in on them if needs be, but that's normal behaviour elsewhere too.

Original poster

Toxicityofourcity · 20/06/2023 05:12

hoxtonbabe · 20/06/2023 05:09

@Toxicityofourcity

I can’t speak for Ireland but it’s done in London and I have done it.

Once my youngest son hit 11 and started secondary (he’s only 15 now so not so many moons ago) he had to trek back and forth to his school 3 miles and stay home for a few hours alone.. most families I know do that, it’s just the norm.

My other son had to do an 8 miles school trip ( from age 12) left home to get on public transport at 7.15am to get into school for 8.15am, and there were days I was in when he got home and days I was not, not once did he ever encounter any trouble or have any issues and as I said I’m in London 🤷🏽‍♀️

It's most likely done in Dublin here also, just not in most other areas. My DC were left alone for 30mins to an hour from 13, got off the bus at 4.30 and I was home my 5.15 latest. But the idea of 10 year olds doing this is alien to me.

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Original poster

Toxicityofourcity · 20/06/2023 05:16

TowerStork · 20/06/2023 05:11

OP, I really don't think your views are typical of rural Ireland either. You are of course entitled to your views on patenting but you insist on blanket descriptions of UK parents being irresponsible and Irish parents being sheltered, which no body here recognises.

By the way, where I come from in rural Ireland 16 year olds drive tractors, train as life guards, and are absolutely left at home if the parents need to go away. It's true that neighbours and cousins are around to check in on them if needs be, but that's normal behaviour elsewhere too.

Genuinely, where I'm from (very large town in Southwest) this would be frowned upon. You don't leave 10 yr olds alone at home. And yes, 16 year olds drive tractors... I had the entire side of my car destroyed by one! So it doesn't mean they should! But yes, in more rural areas, you tend to have a more close knit community of family, friends, neighbours etc that would look after or look in on children.

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Mongoosesorry · 20/06/2023 05:17

What age do you think they could be left for 4 nights alone?

At 17 they can join the army. In Scotland you can go to uni at 17, I thought Ireland was 17 too but maybe I’m mistaken.

Original poster

Toxicityofourcity · 20/06/2023 05:18

Mongoosesorry · 20/06/2023 05:17

What age do you think they could be left for 4 nights alone?

At 17 they can join the army. In Scotland you can go to uni at 17, I thought Ireland was 17 too but maybe I’m mistaken.

Probably about 17 feels right, final year of secondary school before going to uni? Depends on the child obviously

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TheOpenRoad · 20/06/2023 05:18

I am from another country and have friends from all over, if anything I find UK parents restrictive rather than lax. It seems to be the norm in Europe at least that children get themselves to and from school from late primary.

Interestingly, a good friend is Irish and they let their child do this from 9, and he also goes by himself to football training.

So I don't agree that it's lax or irresponsible or unsafe parenting. It's perfectly normal to leave your 10/11 year old for an hour or so, and for 11 year olds to take the bus.

user1492757084 · 20/06/2023 05:18

At 16 one is an adult for working purposes.
Looking after a house and some cats is a job that should be easily done by any 16 year old without worry.
By age eight most kids could travel to school a short distance alone.
Being home alone for a few minutes, I think, is fine at age eight but if for more than fifteen minutes - not fine. It is legal to be minded by a 14 year old. Thus, a babysitter or older siblings can mind younger ones for a few hours. I would say for less than a day.
By 13 I would think that traversing local public transport would be normal during day light hours - and with an adult knowing their where abouts. At night - not on your nelly.

Original poster

Toxicityofourcity · 20/06/2023 05:21

TheOpenRoad · 20/06/2023 05:18

I am from another country and have friends from all over, if anything I find UK parents restrictive rather than lax. It seems to be the norm in Europe at least that children get themselves to and from school from late primary.

Interestingly, a good friend is Irish and they let their child do this from 9, and he also goes by himself to football training.

So I don't agree that it's lax or irresponsible or unsafe parenting. It's perfectly normal to leave your 10/11 year old for an hour or so, and for 11 year olds to take the bus.

See, 9yrs old is just totally bonkers to me to be left alone at home.

So maybe I should ask:

When is it okay to leave a child for 1 hour?

When is it okay to leave a child for 2 hours?

When is it okay to leave a child for 6 hours?

When is it okay to leave a child overnight?

When is it okay to leave a child for 4 days?

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booksandcats22 · 20/06/2023 05:21

Being left for a few hours on their own. Have just read a thread about a 16yr old being left for 4 days... because she has to mind some cats?!? WTF?

Cannot see what's wrong with a 16 year old looking after someone's pet for 4 days as long as they're responsible. Also isn't this referring and to previous threads quite a bit?

Outofthepark · 20/06/2023 05:22

OP why are you obsessed with one kid who was left to look after cats, it's not like a weekly ritual that all Brits do, it was one story out of millions 😄

And I'm not seeing these endless 10 year olds left alone either, where are you reading that? Everyone I know is, if anything, more on the protective side of what they need to be.

And newsflash, 16 year olds shouldn't be having sex? Wow thanks you really taught us something new 😂

Finally stop being so judgemental - if it's in your culture good for you, do what makes you happy but stop gunning for others and stop trying to make out there's something wrong with the childcare culture here when there isn't, as you clearly don't seem to have an on point view of the facts.

AuntieMarys · 20/06/2023 05:22

You'd hate me 😀
Children brought up in the Sodom and Gomorrah that is London, walking to school alone age 10, using public transport at 11. Spending Saturdays at 12 trying to visit every tube station. Going to away matches all over the country to support their football team at 14.
Staying at home for a week at 16 when we went on holiday.

MysteriesOfTheOrganism · 20/06/2023 05:24

I'm in my 60s, and my feeling is that children are more protected now than they were in my childhood (in England). We used to walk around 1.5 miles to school. Young children were generally accompanied by their mothers, but from about age 7 we all tended to walk without an adult. We'd go with older siblings, or friends would meet up, so there would be small groups of 2-3 forming. But it was pretty common to be on your own. Weekends and school holidays I'd be out roaming the woods for hours on end: leave the house after breakfast, call on friends (who were sometimes in, sometines not) and return when I was hungry (no child had anything as cool as a watch!) Age 8-9 we'd catch the bus to the local town centre or just to go exploring - a bunch of friends, no adult. From age 11 I was travelling by train into London for school, and my siblings did solo travel to their schools too. My mother was a teacher, so was generally home by the time we arrived, but we had backdoor keys from about age 8. As her career progressed and she worked longer hours we would often be home alone for an hour or so - and we knew how to make ourselves a drink and a sandwich. All this was commonplace in my childhood, and I don't know of any kid who was murdered or abducted or who managed to burn their house down.

Your job as a parent is to make a child competent to navigate the world independently and safely by age 18, and you do that by letting them exercise their skills during childhood - starting off in small amounts that gradually increase as they grow. Over-protection of children is actually very damaging.