To think people in the UK are very lax generally about children being left alone?

[Toxicityofourcity]

Not from the UK. Some of the threads on here baffle me when it comes to leaving children alone. Children as young as 10 and 11 getting themselves home from the school, bus etc and letting themselves into an empty house. Being left for a few hours on their own. Have just read a thread about a 16yr old being left for 4 days... because she has to mind some cats?!? WTF? I just don't understand. This is not something that's done in my country at all. Is it a cultural thing? Do people not worry about house fires, accidents, abductions etc.? I just really don't understand it. But here on MN it seems totally acceptable?

Will noone think of the cats?

trying to understand why outlooks are so different.

Are you actually? Because I just see a lot a faux wide eyed nativity and MN head tilting with references to culture and “eee we would never do that in my country”. When yes, in fact people do. You refusing to say the name of your large town (which isn’t outing in any way) speaks volumes too, why is that? In case someone is also from there and tells you you’re talking shite perhaps?

People parent differently. This isn’t hard to understand.

I was a latch key lid, as were my brothers, mum had to work so we'd get too and from secondary school ourselves. When the boys were younger I'd drop and pick them up on my way,

My 14 and 16 year old are both perfectly fine to be left for a few hours

I used to come home, cook, clean and have the dinner ready for when the others got home. I was 12.

Am I right in thinking that children in Ireland go to secondary a year later than those in the U.K.? Could that be the difference?

Secondary schools here don’t have wrap around care and child minders aren’t really set up for older ones. People can’t just give up work in their child’s first year at secondary, so that’s generally when kids start being a bit more independent.

Parents often start building this up during year 6 (age 10/11) to get them ready for September.

Yes I agree with you, I'm just saying if they have the "maturity" for those activities I don't see the harm in being home for a few days. Tbh they really should be self sufficient by then. Look at the children who were lost in the Amazon for 40 days.

Yes, they do go a year later, but at our primary they're allowed to walk themselves to/from school from 3rd class - so around 9 (wide age spread - might be a year either way). I agree with the time table for times/ages PP had, and it's certainly what my friends also do.

In fact, my mate was quite amused (in a nice way, in a rub my shoulder and get me a cup of tea way) the first time my (then 8 and 5) boys played out on the street with the other kids and I kept hovering by the window - they'd never done it anywhere else we'd lived because those countries/places hadn't been safe, but scooting round, playing football on the green in the estate was totally normal for kids in Dublin.

Wtf have I just read. UK is notorious for being restrictive!

Family in Ireland. They are a million times more relaxed than over here!

So I call bullshit.

Op, I agree with you. And I am sure the majority of MNs agree with you too. I have noticed that they will say it is ok for other people to leave their kids alone but they would never allow this for their own children. They just say they would - I am not sure why they do this.

What country are you from?

This.

If’s so important to teach children independence, how to navigate public transport and resilience.

You are failing your children by not allowing them to learn these things.

I took myself to school and back from aged 10, looked after myself for a couple of hours everyday until my parents got home. I was independent and responsible. My parents left me at 16 when they went away when i didn't want to go, all fine. The thing is you leave home at 18 for uni and are often at the other end of the country without anyone you know to begin with. You need to learn to be independent before this. I think you could spot the people with helicopter parents who smothered them a mile off, they were a bit clueless about everything and really struggled to adjust. My friend was a warden in a halls of residence and would tell me some of the things she'd been called out to help with, hilarious but I often thought how can anyone aged 18 still be so reliant on parents? Your posts explain this fully op.

I agree with you Op. It’s like that post you responded to that I’ve attached. Nicecow says UK is too strict then says flippantly that most 16 year olds are having sex 😂 what?! Too strict?! if they are not capable of being home alone (to have sex presumably after all why not 😂) then they’ve failed as parents. Uh…I think my idea of parenting is different from hers….

Let children be children. How foolish to encourage young teens to jump into sexual relationships. They are so young still. But yes, it is mind boggling to read a lot of these threads. Parents casually mention that their 14 year old or 16 year old has their boyfriend or girlfriend over to spend the night as a regular thing. It seems to be a given. The parents think they’re being modern and trendy, they get angry if their child doesn’t have sex by 16, it is “dangerous” for kids to not be sexually actively, I think they’re demented, it would be funny except really it’s not.

I try to stay away from those types of threads and the ones where little kids are expected to catch a bus far away from their house then walk 2 miles at dusk and the mum is hopping mad if their child calls and asks to be picked up because they’re afraid to walk home in the dark, the mum does an AIBU to rant and everyone agrees with her 😳😱 I think it’s sad.

At 16 you can have a home of your own. So four days should be easy for most 16 year olds.

@Twiglets1
She says she's Irish. Though possibly living somewhere not in UK/Ireland timezone as has posted all night on this thread.

Where is your evidence that this is dangerous? Are lone children being injured and dying in droves? Not seen that?

This is very reassuring. I have a 10 (nearly 11) year old and a 16 year old, and this pretty much matches my gut instinct about this.

I recently left the 10 year old alone for a couple of hours while I was at an early evening event (about a 5-10 min drive away). He was fine. I knew he'd be fine (he's more sensible than the 16 year old tbh), but that felt at the limit of what I should do.

I also don't leave the 16 year old in charge of the 10 year old for more than a few hours (see above re lack of common sense).

It's a tricky balancing act because ultimately you're trying to teach them gently to be independent and resilient whilst keeping them safe

Paid Childcare isn't even available to children 11 and over.
Childcare goes up to the end of primary school age.
OP what world are you living in?
Possibly a privileged one?

Germany would blow your mind OP 🤣

It's seen as bonkers that we collect our 10 years old from school in this country. Most of theirs cycle or walk to school from around age 7.

I’m from a country where children walk to/from school and are left home alone a lot earlier than children in the UK. It’s very important to build independence and trust, you must be from some very unsafe OP.

DC leave home to go to university when they're 18. If they're a late August baby, they can be literally a few days over 18 when they do.

If they can't be left at 16 for four days how in earth can they be living alone less than two years later?

If your NT DC aren't able to be alone for a few days at 16 you've failed as a parent, sorry.

I think there has to be a balance with small steps to independence but also being around and supporting. Eg my 7yo could very easily walk to school herself but it’s not allowed so she can’t. The chances of her getting all her things ready, leaving on time etc would be fairly low though and that will be something we’ll need to work on before secondary (but obviously have time!).

I suspect there are plenty of late primary age kids left home all day during the holidays because their parents can’t afford clubs and they might be building independence but I don’t think that is necessarily a good thing. Similarly an 11 year old might be entirely capable of getting themselves home but it isn’t necessarily going to be ideal for them coming home to an empty house every night.

This matches my instinct with how I handled this with my dc. That’s reassuring. Thank you for the info.

I would edge a bet that your DC will grow up far more independently and well rounded than the neurotic and judgmental OPs. I would much rather my DC be able to go into the big wide world street wise than clinging to my legs when it is time they are off for Uni.

Things like walking home from school can be very area specific. We moved when my DDs were in Yr3 and Yr5. DD1 was the odd one out at her previous school, as she got a lift home from school whereas everyone walked home alone (we lived out of town) but would go and find the car herself while I picked up her sister. New school... majority of Yr5 and Yr6 picked up from classroom door.

I do leave my now 10 and 12yos home alone. Its necessity. I can only be in one place at a time! Otherwise they would have to give up their extracurricular activities and I would have to give up my evening voluntary job... ironically teaching children skills to be self sufficient in the future.