That school aged children must be easier??

[TwinkleStarWhatAre]

I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old, and I keep reading people saying that school aged children can be so much harder. Like… seriously??? Shall I just give up now then?

My 3 year old is a firecracker. She says ‘mummy’ about 1000 times a day. I literally don’t get 2 minutes headspace from the moment I wake up to the moment they go to bed. If I ever sit down I swear she has a sensor. Even if she’s gone upstairs for a brief 5 minutes to play by herself, the second my bum touches a chair she runs back in. When they’re finally in bed, I then have to get some work done (self employed) then try and get some sleep with the 1 year old still waking up at night, and then rinse and repeat the next day.

I don’t know what self care is. My hair regularly has 2-3 inch grey hair growth as I just don’t manage time to dye it. Skin care routine? What is that? I just about manage to wash it and shove some retinoid on in a fruitless attempt to prevent ongoing acne which you would think wouldn’t be an issue in my 30s but it’s still going strong.

My 3 year old started a couple days at nursery two months ago and oh my gosh, I live for those days. I feel horrible admitting such a thing. But just only having one child, who is a lower maintenance anyway, (he is very happy to play by himself for 10 minutes at a time) it is just such a relief. I can actually hear myself think. I can smile. When he goes for a nap I can get work done which means I don’t have to do as much at night so I’m just so less stressed. It feels magical!

So surely… once my eldest is in school, it will be easier??? I will have 5 of those days, not 2. I will be so much happier and free. Maybe… I will actually be able to relax in the evening!!! And oh my gosh, when they are both in school.. I’m literally giddy at the thought.

Please tell me Im right… or I suppose otherwise leave me in willfull ignorance because I’m just so tired I don’t think I can handle anymore…

Just to add I love both my children incredibly so… but I’m just so so so worn out and tired.

The primary years are the golden years.

Really enjoying my teens but they are more stressful and certainly very expensive. Don’t love the friday / Sat night pick ups though miss my weekend wine. Still drinking less is good for me I guess!

School age is easier. Anything after 3.5 is much much easier!!

Yes it is! I have one is school nursery and one in yr 3. The tantrums haven’t completed end for either child but once they no longer put things in their mouth and you’re not worried about them swallowing toys, their toilet trained and sleeping (still not 100% for this one) is it easy in comparison.

I can leave them playing and put a podcast while I make dinner.

That’s not to say there isn’t any issues.

School aged children bring their own challenges. I have 4 children 5 and under and loved it. I worked part time when not on maternity leave. I managed everything fine.

i think it’s the evenings that make a difference. I now have no evening to myself at all. I wake at 5.45, make the packed lunches, send the oldest two off on the bus at 6.50. Then the younger two get ready and I take them to breakfast club, then they are off to school and me to work.

the older two may get the bus home too, but there is no bus after clubs so when they have music lessons, or sports clubs I have to go and get them. I get the little two from after school club. I frequently have 4 or 6 separate pick ups and drop offs in the evening. This often doesn’t finish until 9pm and anyway, the older two don’t go to bed until 9 or later and we watch TV as a family - their choice of show is OK but probably not what my husband and I would choose independently. When a school trip or parents evening comes up the delicate balance shifts and suddenly I can’t get everyone where they need to be. When someone moves up in swimming or a club time changes, everything feels like it will fall down around my ears!

They no longer enjoy the ‘family’ things we used to do as much, so now I spend my days sniping at them for being on screens too much, nagging them to do homework and managing disagreements. They all share rooms and want their own space.

my eldest is having orthodontic treatment at the moment. On my days off I can be hopping in and out of the car grabbing him from school, taking him to the nearest city and taking him back again. Same with medical appointments here and there.

I’m exhausted. 13 years after having my first, my career is still not back on track and I guess never will be. I have to admit that I probably didn’t think through all the implications of appointments and clubs for older children when they were babies and completely under my control! It has been a shock and I am exhausted!!

On the plus side they can be lovely company!

It's impossible to say definitively which stage is harder, because even children of the same age have different needs, and so much depends on your circumstances and family set up.

If you're a SAHM then of course you're probably going to find it easier suddenly having 6 hours to yourself every day that you didn't have before!
As several pp have pointed out, kids starting school doesn't equal more free time for working parents. Juggling paid work with sick days, training days, holidays, afterschool activities, school events that happen in the middle of your working day and keeping on top of homework, trips and the various dress up days etc can be stressful. You have to be very organised.

I found the baby and toddler stage physically exhausting and quite tedious. This side of things has definitely gotten easier, but I would say there is more 'mental load' now they're older. They can dress themselves, go to the toilet independently and sleep through the night which is all great. But whereas they used to tag along with us wherever we needed to go, our weekends are no longer our own. They're taken up with swimming lessons, football training, dance lessons, other kids birthday parties and homework projects. So although they need less hands-on physical care, I don't necessarily feel like I have more free time.

It gets different. I don't say it gets easier because there's nothing easy. You do get more time for physical self-care yes. And more sleep and opportunities to sit down alone.

But schools are a loy more work to deal with than nurseries. With a nursery you are a customer. With a school they expect each child to have a constantly available parent on-demand to do a million things you simply don't have headspace for but if you don't do them you are letting your child down. And the stakes get higher because there's so much more complexity to establishing whether your child is basically ok than there used to be - sometimes the simplicity of knowing that if my child had eaten food, had a nap was basically clean and had something to play with then I was scoring 10/10 on parenthood (ok so that only ever happened about twice a week but at least it was attainable) seems like bliss.

Two under 4s! Very tiring. Especially if you don't get breaks and the ones you have are busy.

I think they people who said it was easier probably had easy toddlers ( they exist) and help from others.

For those of us with hyper tantrumming toddlers it was a nightmare.