That school aged children must be easier??

[TwinkleStarWhatAre]

I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old, and I keep reading people saying that school aged children can be so much harder. Like… seriously??? Shall I just give up now then?

My 3 year old is a firecracker. She says ‘mummy’ about 1000 times a day. I literally don’t get 2 minutes headspace from the moment I wake up to the moment they go to bed. If I ever sit down I swear she has a sensor. Even if she’s gone upstairs for a brief 5 minutes to play by herself, the second my bum touches a chair she runs back in. When they’re finally in bed, I then have to get some work done (self employed) then try and get some sleep with the 1 year old still waking up at night, and then rinse and repeat the next day.

I don’t know what self care is. My hair regularly has 2-3 inch grey hair growth as I just don’t manage time to dye it. Skin care routine? What is that? I just about manage to wash it and shove some retinoid on in a fruitless attempt to prevent ongoing acne which you would think wouldn’t be an issue in my 30s but it’s still going strong.

My 3 year old started a couple days at nursery two months ago and oh my gosh, I live for those days. I feel horrible admitting such a thing. But just only having one child, who is a lower maintenance anyway, (he is very happy to play by himself for 10 minutes at a time) it is just such a relief. I can actually hear myself think. I can smile. When he goes for a nap I can get work done which means I don’t have to do as much at night so I’m just so less stressed. It feels magical!

So surely… once my eldest is in school, it will be easier??? I will have 5 of those days, not 2. I will be so much happier and free. Maybe… I will actually be able to relax in the evening!!! And oh my gosh, when they are both in school.. I’m literally giddy at the thought.

Please tell me Im right… or I suppose otherwise leave me in willfull ignorance because I’m just so tired I don’t think I can handle anymore…

Just to add I love both my children incredibly so… but I’m just so so so worn out and tired.

DD is 5 and life is waaaay easier than when she was a toddler. I can leave her playing or watching tv while I go and shower in peace or do some cleaning without worrying that she’s found a new and exciting way to cause herself grievous bodily harm. She can be reasoned with, she’s fun to chat to, behaviour still sometimes an issue but at least she doesn’t bite anymore.

I also don’t mind the extra curriculars- yes I have to drive her around and juggle a little bit, but also there are 2.5 hours a week where she is being exercised and entertained and I don’t have to do anything?? I don’t even have to hang around and make awkward small talk, I can just leave and go and get a coffee.

Also my handbag is a regular size cross body and not a nappy bag packed with military precision!

Its so intense when they are pre-schoolers. Primary school age generally easier, unless dcs have sen or other issues like school refusal. Fingers crossed it will be a lot easier.

I have a 1 and 3 year old too. And work full time. It’s f@cking tough tbh. I’m bone tired. So I hope it gets better!!!! Good luck to us.

They are much easier in so many ways. Generally they sleep, begin to get up without you so you get a lie in (maybe not at first but it comes.
Then they discover technology and suddenly they have an "off" switch.
Also, they start going to clubs and play dates without you and when you take them out you can sit at a table with a coffee whilst they explore a bit.

You do also have other things to contend with like homework, friend issues and the fact that schools exist in the 1950's universe where only one parent in the family works. Also, they go to bed later so your lovely, long evening gets cut short.

But generally, yes hang in there it does get miles easier.

It definitely gets easier but then again I had almost four years between my two so eldest was in reception year when youngest was 3 months. I have a 16 year old and 12 year old now and it lovely. My 16 year old goes out socialising and we live near a beach so I worry about swimming in the sea with friends like when it was the end of GCSES on Friday, there is quite a bit of waiting around to collect him at midnight or after on a Friday but he will walk home without telling me which I insist he doesn't do for safety reasons but sometimes DH will meet on foot and walk with him if we want a drink. So these are different worries but it is lovely how they usually get on (have their moments) but they will talk about politics and stuff in the news, know how to leave me be for cooking dinner, not demanding snacks every minute whilst trying to cook a healthy dinner.

The sleep is a big factor as both mine needed me to stay with them until they drifted off, that was inevitably 9 or 10. It was nice in some ways and I miss not reading to them anymore but you get lie ins, you don't have to function off only a few hours.

It's not easier, their needs and the challenges just change.

Everything is condensed in to the evenings, when you have a very tired, grumpy child (don't underestimate school tiredness) and you have assemblies, sports days, parents evening, celebration afternoons, extracurricular activities, after school play dates, homework.. it's just never ending.

Plus, my 7yo still doesn't sleep well (takes ages to go off, and will not sleep past 5am no matter what), will not leave my side (I'm a single parent - currently in the bath and she is laying on the bathroom floor on her iPad so I can have some peace), and doesn't stop talking. She says every thought that comes in to her head bless her (I think she bottles it up in school so when she comes home it's like verbal diarrhoea.)

I actually preferred the toddler stage! But I'm a bit frazzled at the minute so appreciate that might be contributing to feeling more stressed now

It’s easier in a sense, they are entertained by school all day! But harder in terms of schedules, I have to run a really tight ship now to keep on top of uniforms, PE kit, dress down days, dance club kit, dance performances, parties (every bloody weekend!!) covering school holidays, learning spellings, donations for raffles every 5 mins etc etc

Your main issue is working around when they sleep.

Most people do not do this. They use childcare to work during the day, and get a bit of a break in the evenings and during naps.

You are trying to have your cake and eat it.

I’m sure silly (teen) times are coming, but mine are 7 and 8 and it’s been heaven for some time.

They get their own breakfast and school snacks and yesterday (father’s day) they decorated the kitchen and made us scrambled eggs, smoked salmon and avocado.

They clean beautifully with very minimal back talk and remember the 1001 school stuff they need to do or take in.

Hang in there!

Of course it gets easier. Yes, there are new challenges but nothing like when they were small and I was on the edge of a breakdown constantly.

I promise OP, you will get there, you are doing amazingly.

So much easier when they get older and from what I can see 3 year age gaps are harder. Mine are 2 years apart and I get plenty of time to myself, infact they're both away on camp this weekend so very easy!!

I only have one, she is nearly 6 so I can’t totally empathise but I can say that I found age 3 the absolute hardest and it definitely got easier when she was past 4 - and continues to get easier. I am so lucky though because she is a dream!

It's easier in some ways, harder in others. I'm constantly telling my 19, yes 19 year old to stop winding up his 13 year old brother. He gets a kick out of it, then walks out of the room laughing.

It is much much easier in so many basic ways - proper sleep, less demands upon you to help them with the basics (sleeping, eating, entertainment), more time to self. Plus if you are lucky they become your friend and they start to give more than they take (humour, companionship, chats, enjoying telly and films together). Of course there are hard times, but it is not the relentless drain of pre school age. All of this assumes no additional needs, which is a different ball game.

My 5 year old has just come back from her mates birthday tea and is screaming because her friend got a new bag for their birthday and she wants one. I wish I could say it got easier 🤣🤣🤣

It's all horses for courses I suppose. I have friends who hated newborn stage, I however had easy births and functioned fine on little sleep. I've got friends who have wonderful relationships with their teens, I've found teen years challenging at best. It all depends on what kind of child you have at what stage in their life.

I found it a hell of a lot easier. I can't tell you how much. DD was very demanding. Still is in some ways but nothing compared to how she was pre 5.

And there's no way I would swap my teens for toddlers. They are demanding because you're teaching them how to be in the world and you have to work to keep the connection but mine are fab.

I have a child like your daughter.

I clearly remember his first day and thinking ha! Good luck guys!

FWIW the school were absolutely amazing with him. But yes I really needed that rest.

My other two were/are easy.

I can't imagine any primary school is giving 'catch up classes' to reception aged children, although there may be intervention for a variety of reasons. But I think what you really mean, OP is why is my child losing out to the less clever kids and why is he/she not the sole focus of the teacher's attention.

Let's hope your child develops 'normally' and never needs a little extra support. Your resentment will be something else then, eh?

3 is the worst because the nap is gone but they still can't entertain themselves. Mine started colouring in on their own for like 15 minutes at a time when they were just short of 4 and it was the first time me and DH ever managed to have a daytime conversation that lasted more than 90 seconds

It's tons easier when they're at school. Sure there is homework and worrying about friendship groups and stuff but I mean it's not like 3yos and babies don't need emotional support, you spend half your life dealing with their tantrums because their toast is too toasty or they can't wear the same t-shirt 15 days in a row and all that stuff. It's just so relentless when they are wee.

I can’t speak for teenagers because mine are 11 and 8 but it’s soooo much easier. Pre school age was exhausting. Primary age is soo much easier

Similar age difference. Now 9 and 7 and it's a dream. The needs change. You become a taxi service and listening ear to the latest school drama. But you do get more time for yourself and they can be palmed off for 5 minutes with an iPad or a book.

I suspect the teenage years are going to be another shift but I'm enjoying these a lot.

Reception is hard. Getting used to not being told exactly what's happening each day like at nursery plus the notice of a dress down day / foodbank collection / sponsored space flight on 8 hours notice is a bit crap. That meme of a mother flinging pound coins around the playground. That. But it's easier after the Christmas term when you realise everything can be solved with tin foil and tinsel and you have climbed Mount Everest in term of events / days. Everything gets easier after that.

I'm finding teens pretty full on and difficult. We have had a rough ride with one being too anxious to attend school. How can you compare sleep deprivation and toilet training with the stress of your child cutting themselves or attempting suicide? They are completely different arenas.

However I found 1 and 3 utterly relentless and for years I looked back on it as my lowest point. I didn't love my job, but I swear it saved my sanity that year.