That school aged children must be easier??

[TwinkleStarWhatAre]

I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old, and I keep reading people saying that school aged children can be so much harder. Like… seriously??? Shall I just give up now then?

My 3 year old is a firecracker. She says ‘mummy’ about 1000 times a day. I literally don’t get 2 minutes headspace from the moment I wake up to the moment they go to bed. If I ever sit down I swear she has a sensor. Even if she’s gone upstairs for a brief 5 minutes to play by herself, the second my bum touches a chair she runs back in. When they’re finally in bed, I then have to get some work done (self employed) then try and get some sleep with the 1 year old still waking up at night, and then rinse and repeat the next day.

I don’t know what self care is. My hair regularly has 2-3 inch grey hair growth as I just don’t manage time to dye it. Skin care routine? What is that? I just about manage to wash it and shove some retinoid on in a fruitless attempt to prevent ongoing acne which you would think wouldn’t be an issue in my 30s but it’s still going strong.

My 3 year old started a couple days at nursery two months ago and oh my gosh, I live for those days. I feel horrible admitting such a thing. But just only having one child, who is a lower maintenance anyway, (he is very happy to play by himself for 10 minutes at a time) it is just such a relief. I can actually hear myself think. I can smile. When he goes for a nap I can get work done which means I don’t have to do as much at night so I’m just so less stressed. It feels magical!

So surely… once my eldest is in school, it will be easier??? I will have 5 of those days, not 2. I will be so much happier and free. Maybe… I will actually be able to relax in the evening!!! And oh my gosh, when they are both in school.. I’m literally giddy at the thought.

Please tell me Im right… or I suppose otherwise leave me in willfull ignorance because I’m just so tired I don’t think I can handle anymore…

Just to add I love both my children incredibly so… but I’m just so so so worn out and tired.

I also have a 1 and 3 year old and when they’re not at nursery I spend every minute from 6 in the morning until they go to bed caring for them and it’s still not enough attention for them and then I spend the evenings cleaning and doing everything else which I can’t do around them and then I have 6 hours of broken sleep. I basically have zero downtime - might get to watch tv while online shopping for their clothes, meal planning etc. So purely from a time perspective I don’t believe it can get harder.

I find my 3 year old emotionally draining in that he’s on a roller coaster of very intense emotions which I’m constantly trying to manage. I appreciate that they’re not such complicated problems as older children have but also older children don’t generally scream for thirty mins because their toast is cut up wrong etc.

You do have more space when they get to school. They’re not so physically needy and you can let them do stuff by themselves more. Navigating the emotional stuff is much harder and once they get to puberty they can turn into right arseholes for a bit! I do generally feel better, freer and happier than when I had babies though!

Mine are both in primary school. Absolute piece of cake compared to the days of being SAHM to a baby and a very high needs toddler, and then a toddler and preschooler. Completely different league.

Yeah there are challenges and keeping up with school communication is a job in itself, but they sleep through the night, we don’t have to take mountains of stuff for them every time we leave the house, they entertain themselves for an hour or two at a time, they have interesting conversations/games/funny jokes, they’re mostly reasonable and compliant and they can independently go to the toilet, get a drink, open a packet, put their shoes on… I’ll happily keep up with school stuff and do some taxiing around to activities in exchange!

I suspect it might be different for some people who go from a daycare open 50+ weeks a year from 7:30am-6:30pm and suddenly have to piece together childcare around school hours. Or whose children are bullied or find school difficult. But for the most part I can totally see why the primary school stage is called the golden years.

You think toddlers are hard you just wait until their teenagers.
a toddler you can put to bed, coax and manipulate to get some peace, a toddler you can stick in front of the tele for 20 mins or give an iPad with a game to get some quiet time.
a teenager will be up at all hours fake tanning, chatting to their mates, a teenager will want picking up just when you’ve gotten comfy on the sofa with your wine, a teenager will have their own set of opinions, rules, wants and needs that are the complete opposite to yours and with it they’ll bring tears, anger, friendship issues, relationship issues, exam stress, lack of motivation and fear and worry that they’re getting into the wrong crowd or will fail school.

i miss the days when mine would wake me 5 times a night, cry because they wanted another episode of peppa pig, or another biscuit.
I miss putting them to bed at 8pm on a Saturday and getting cosy with just my husband taking turns to go up if they woke.
I miss dropping them at nursery and seeing their little faces when I picked them up all happy and innocent. Knowing exactly what the routine was, a routine that was decided by ME (albeit difficult to navigate at times) I miss the decisions being made by their father and I and not ridiculed or shouted down by 3 annoying teenagers.

Appreciate it while it lasts because it’s over in a flash and quite literally you’ll wake up one day and realise they’re all mini adults with their own lives and you’re just a powerless bystander, missing their cuteness and even missing the chaos of all the little stressors too.

I think there is a sweet spot. Say 5/6-8/9. After they adjust to school and make new friends. They still kinda worship you and too young to get in to too much trouble (exceptions to that though)! They can get themselves dressed and don't need constant entertaining. Then preadolescence starts to hit and they start getting a bit rude and talk back and just aren't as easy to dominate (for lack of a better word).
Then from 12 on - stand back!

The school holiday childcare side probably depends a lot on where you live, how much annual leave you get and what your kids are like.

We are fine on all three counts, only need about 10-15 days of holiday clubs a year, can research and book online, we probably spend maybe 2 hours a year on admin/planning relating to this.

I appreciate we are lucky!

Some of the school admin stuff also is what you make of it. I always see people stressing about World Book Day costumes but our approach is to have a well stocked dressing up box and the kids then choose out of what we have, I never buy something specifically. Similarly we have a present cupboard, I don't rush around buying a present for each birthday party separately.

It's much, MUCH easier once they start school.

OP, don't panic. It will get easier.

As a general rule I would say that it gets physically easier, mentally tougher.

Of course you have to be on it with the school stuff, and the extracurricular staff, and there is a particular kind of hell in trying to juggle school projects, reading practice, homework and so on around working and running your home. And as DC approach secondary age you will definitely feel the pressure of exam worries, sixth form option worries, uni worries, career option worries, peer group worries, mental health worries and so on. There is an element of ease in the preschool years in that you are in control and the DC's needs are simple. As someone else has said, the older they get the more complex they get.

But there is a physical relentlessness and exhaustion and groundhog day repetitiveness about babies, toddlers and preschoolers that absolutely does lessen as they get older (barring SEN obviously). The middle childhood years can be lovely. And I have to admit despite the stresses and worries, I have enjoyed the teen years so far as well (my older two are 18 and 13). Even if you have multiple DC doing multiple activities with multiple friendship issues and a bundle of homework, I can promise you it may still feel a lot less grindingly awful than a day with a toddler!

They are easier in the sense they are somewhere 9-3 and can be left alone. I would say school age is not easier because there isn't always provision for working parents outside of school hours and 9-3 is a very short day, so can make for a very stressful life.

And sadly, while they can be left to themselves more, their emotional needs are greater. I have a 10 & a 5 year old. My 10 year old is definitely more work out of the 2 of them.

It is MUCH easier once they are at school. Apart from holiday childcare which is a massive pain in the hole for some of us, but that depends on whether you work, whether you have family who can help, whether you can WFH. Regardless of all that, it gets easier when they are at school.

If I remember correctly, the last year before DS started school was particularly trying, but that might just be the PTSD talking.

I have one and he’s 4 and not much bother at all really, but I work on the 3 days he’s in nursery (so no night working unless I’m on call) and love the two days we have together. I also can take leave while he’s at nursery.

School is going to be harder as I’m going back full time and he’ll need dropping off and picking up (DH is dropping his hours to do this) and I’ll see him less, however, all my leave will be spent covering school holidays, so basically I’ll have less day to day time with my son and definitely less time to myself.

Can’t say I’m looking forward to it!!

Also 1 and 3 is very young and I’d imagine if I had a second child I’d probably be demented 🤣 once the little one is sleeping through it’ll be much easier I’d imagine.

Yes they are. I don't care what ANYONE says, unless you're dealing with a specific set of circumstances like SEN or health challenges, school children, on the whole are MUCH easier than pre schoolers and I will NEVER be convinced otherwise. People will say the needs change etc etc, yes that's true but the intensity in parenting reduces and the level of involvement is much more discretionary and well fun! Much more rewarding moments.

Said as someone who hated the preschool years (didn't have particularly difficult children) and have really enjoyed school age.

You're doing great, this bit is tough, it's not forever!

You poor thing , you sound utterly frazzled. I don't know why, but some people love to heap negativity on you when you're struggling by telling you it will soon get much worse! Not sure what they hope to achieve when you're already struggling.

Fwiw mine are now 4 and almost 6 and I find it much much easier. Sure challenges are different , but facing then with a full night's sleep and more time to myself I find much more relaxed. I feel more like myself than I did a few years ago.

I know mine are still very young and I'm sure someone will cackle to me to await teenagers, but even if they do turn awful I will be glad to have had this more relaxed stage of parenting before coping with that!!

It definitely gets easier as they get older. By the time they are young teenagers they can get up themselves so you can have a lie in. Also give them chores and teach them how to cook. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

3&1 is my idea of hell. I would say school is just a different kind of hard.
I worked and found school extremely hard to work childcare around. Drop off then to work then sort out pick ups very hard. Nursery etc are open much later than schools!
And fast forward to now when my dc is in year 5 and homework sorting trips raffle tickets attending school concerts sports days fetes etc. arghhh just a massive nuisance tbh around working.
If I didn't work maybe might be easy. But I went from working and having easy childcare to massive pita situation around schools and their clubs magically shutting or opening a week early or later than term times and has not been easy at all.

School age is obviously easier for a SAHP but we found harder as working parents. Nursery was open 8.00 - 6.00 51 weeks a year. At school you have to find wrap around and holiday care, find time for homework, making sure uniform is clean and ironed, school admin, fitting in play dates and extracurricular activities.

My two are nearly 16 and nearly 13 and life is so much easier. Yes there is a lot of emotional stuff to deal with but they aren’t horrible, rebellious teens. I am loving the stages they are at right now, and I have my life back.

It's different.
For me, school starting made life harder. BUT, it sounds like you are trying to work and do FT childcare. In which case, 6 hours at school each day, giving you around 5 straight hours uninterrupted, sounds like you will gain a great deal of time, and things should get less hectic.

3 is an absolutely horrible age imo. I have 4 kids and they've all been sodding nightmares at 3. They develop so much during that year in terms of language, likes/dislikes/ personality/ physically etc which is amazing to see but absolutely knackering/ mind numbing/ rage inducing! The tantrums, the sleep patterns getting even worse, the tantrums, the constant mum mum mum, dad dad dad. Did I mention the tantrums? My third is currently 3.5 and is pushing every known button and I live for nursery (no other childcare help here).

My primary school aged kids are different work. Not as physically exhausting but there's a lot more managing emotions with them and day to day running around with clubs and parties and school events.

Newborns are easy in comparison to all ages I find. Probably why they're so moreish.

school age is VASTLY easier in my experience. If kids were born age 7 i’d have had a dozen of them 😁the toddler years are hard, hard work - good thing they’re cute at that age.

It's different. Not easier or harder.

Do people say that school aged children are more difficult? Teens maybe (am not there yet, though!). My two have been so much easier since reaching school age. I'm in the "golden years" though - old enough to do a lot by themselves, but not teens yet. 3-4 / 1-2 were definitely the hardest years!

Older children are hard work in a different type of way!
Teenagers......omg!

I think all stages have their difficulties and joys. I don’t find primary age super easy. It still is a juggle and it can be emotionally hard.
I miss the baby toddler days- and I know that sounds mad! And it is madness!

Id have had loads of kids if you could skip out the toddler and teenage years.... newborn to primary age to adult... perfect!

Mine are 7 and 5 now. It is so much easier!

Yeah we have different issues like friendships and homework and bullying and that kind of thing, but it is not the relentlessness of toddlers and babies