That school aged children must be easier??

[TwinkleStarWhatAre]

I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old, and I keep reading people saying that school aged children can be so much harder. Like… seriously??? Shall I just give up now then?

My 3 year old is a firecracker. She says ‘mummy’ about 1000 times a day. I literally don’t get 2 minutes headspace from the moment I wake up to the moment they go to bed. If I ever sit down I swear she has a sensor. Even if she’s gone upstairs for a brief 5 minutes to play by herself, the second my bum touches a chair she runs back in. When they’re finally in bed, I then have to get some work done (self employed) then try and get some sleep with the 1 year old still waking up at night, and then rinse and repeat the next day.

I don’t know what self care is. My hair regularly has 2-3 inch grey hair growth as I just don’t manage time to dye it. Skin care routine? What is that? I just about manage to wash it and shove some retinoid on in a fruitless attempt to prevent ongoing acne which you would think wouldn’t be an issue in my 30s but it’s still going strong.

My 3 year old started a couple days at nursery two months ago and oh my gosh, I live for those days. I feel horrible admitting such a thing. But just only having one child, who is a lower maintenance anyway, (he is very happy to play by himself for 10 minutes at a time) it is just such a relief. I can actually hear myself think. I can smile. When he goes for a nap I can get work done which means I don’t have to do as much at night so I’m just so less stressed. It feels magical!

So surely… once my eldest is in school, it will be easier??? I will have 5 of those days, not 2. I will be so much happier and free. Maybe… I will actually be able to relax in the evening!!! And oh my gosh, when they are both in school.. I’m literally giddy at the thought.

Please tell me Im right… or I suppose otherwise leave me in willfull ignorance because I’m just so tired I don’t think I can handle anymore…

Just to add I love both my children incredibly so… but I’m just so so so worn out and tired.

School itself complicates life infinitely. And is miserable.

Teenagers are harder work than newborns or toddlers. Sorry! They may be able to wipe their own bums but the mental work is indescribable.

I have a 16yo and 14yo and I'm struggling to think of a day when I'd happily swap them for their newborn selves. The first year is to be endured and then everything improves.

We are clearly having very different experiences, as I have two the same age!

It's different. Physically easier and not as relentless 100%, but you have so much less control and influence. Plus emotionally it can be much harder - when they are small almost everything can be solved with a cuddle, that is not the case when they are older. I still think small kids are harder over, but the individual and less frequent issues are tougher when they are older.

Don't worry about what people say, parenting is some weird competition about who has it worst.

Maybe we should have arranged a job share ? 😁

I assume you are a single parent OP as you don’t mention a partner, and with a partner it’s in those early years that you really need to both be pulling your weight, then it gets easier bit by bit

as a single parent, it also still gets easier all the time

you’ll be ok

I found it hard and then the sweet spot was between 5 - 7 with my eldest. After 7, things started to get a bit preteen. She's 9 now and wonderful but can be moody and talk back. Every age has its challenges. I think 6 was my favourite. It's just life. No one can say it will get easier but the challenges will change.

All kids are different. My eldest is 10 and he was easier 5-7 than he is now. Back chat, eye rolls and huffs. He forgets what I ask of him constantly and I am sick of hearing myself say the same things over and over. My 4 year old recalls instructions better. Don’t get me wrong he is amazing sometimes and I am so proud but I don’t think older always means easier

I think it just changes. I'm not sure what's 'typical' because my youngest nearly died at age 2, and now has some disabilities, so life changed then.

Ages 0-1 I found v v easy.
1-3 I found hard.
4-6 (where I've got to do now) much easier, though not as easy as I find newborns.

The 1&3 combo (similar age gap) I found v hard.

School age so far is very mixed. Younger was easier because childcare was longer hours and year round, so I found it suited working easier, and I could take off occasional time to relax. When they came home, there was no reading, homework, swimming club, football club to fit in. Even with really good school clubs it's often impossible to fit in full time hours, even in term time. There is a lot of pressure to fit in clubs after school that they need taking to, which is totally incompatible with work. But they are technically optional I guess.

They can play by themselves more, and can be more independent, but in reality they often aren't. Its often easier to dress a 1yo, than nag a 5yo to put their socks on 5 times, redo their buttoning, then they realise the forgotten their pants, and the whole thing starts again.

They should be sleeping better, but my 6yo actually sleeps worse than she did at 3, so not every child is the same.

But life with my 6yo means she can carry her own small backpack, doesn't require carrying/pushing, can just be left to play with other kids so i can actually have a conversation with friends.

If it wasn't for the youngest's illness, I think things would feel considerably easier right now, albeit with more juggling! They are still easier than they were at 1&3.

It is a different kind of difficult and I feel it takes a certain kind of person to say directly there is worse to come to a parent who is already exhausted.

Personally, the stage you are at was one of the hardest for me - I had 2 under 2 and found things really tough until youngest was 3.5. It is relentless and demanding. I see others that love nothing more than a day at home with their toddlers, lots of activities planned, lots of fun. This was not my reality - it was constant, no time to breathe, endless demands, mess, tidying, clearing, food...and the list goes on! The days are long but the years are short was the most accurate description

Now they are school age, I love it. Yes we have the demands of school, juggling with working life, homework, clubs, activities and non-stop running around. But the children are that little bit more independent, they play together, they can dress themselves and take themselves to the toilet, they can communicate their need rather than cry and whinge. They are independent with basic cares when on holiday which makes it so much more enjoyable. Days with both at home are fun and we enjoy doing activities together. There are hard bits but for me, nothing like the challenges when both were under 3.

My DTs are only 5 and are in reception. Having two 5 year olds is a breeze compared to when they were 2-3, that was complete and utter hell. Sure, they can be little toe rags at times, but on the whole it’s a piece of piss compared to when they were toddlers! Even the dramas of friendships and navigating their current dramas and behavioural issues is a delight.

The toddler years are pretty much the reason I’m unlikely to have any more kids because I can’t face them again.

Hang on in there, it will get better. Even just turning 4 saw a massive improvement in mine!!

Primary is easier than nursery. Secondary is easier than primary.

But, you can address lots of the things you mentioned. Why are you not taking any time to self-care sort that immediately and take time for yourself and get your hair dyed.

Don't jump for her. You should've taught her already to self play and not call you 100's of times per day. Start now. Tell her : I need you to do xxx and mummy is going to xxxx and you are not going to call for me until xxx.

Its so much easier in many ways op , 100 percent. I found the toddler years ; so 18 months to 4 , hard, hard work omg . I had dcs who slept v badly for years and who were incredibly active so bolters, climbers , zero interest in toys at all so would never just potter about . I remember the weekends being such hard work but now I look forward to them!
I had 3 under 6, no family support and I was so so chronically sleep deprived so now my kids are older it is easier ..
However I prob expected it to be a lot easier but I’m working a lot more now and I’m in Ireland and school holidays are v v long here and the school day is very very short ( I luckily work in adult Ed so I’m able up work around it (I also work evenings ). But it’s v v v hard on parents who are working full time with very little wrap around or childcare in our area in comparison to when they were in nursery. I also find some aspects really hard to deal with , when small I went out a lot with my dcs (as we couldn’t be at home long) and they loved getting their wet gear on and going to woods, beaches , stick them on scooters , bikes , buggies and they were happy out , now they argue over everything we want to do (we are firm, we do plenty they like etc ) and I find this actually really hard, I hate it in fact….
I love being in nature and loved that so much when they were small. And yes we drag them with us anyway but the moaning and complaining is v v hard going .
They do a lot if sport and our weekends we have to take them to stuff (the novelty of this wore off v v quickly tbh). We are older two now so working more and I guess tired as we are now late 30’s but im back running and feel better with sleep. My sleep is still recovering tho..
There’s challenges to every age but the ages you are at is so so draining tbh .
However if I had free time or was a sahm when they went to school obviously it would be incredible and so so much easier !!

Primary years are so lovely. Then it gets hard again. But that’s a long way off.

@KingOfThieves eldest almost 12 and I hear you re the 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

Your life will be different as they get older. Whether it is easier or not depends largely on your children and what you do or don't find easy to deal with.

Ask the parents of relatively bright, NT children, who are generally happy and content with supportive friends and they'll probably tell you it gets easier.

Ask the parents of an ND/SEND child who has to fight every step of the way to get them the support they need, the parents of a child diagnosed at 7 with a terminal illness, the parents of a child who gets horribly bullied, or the parents of a child who struggles with mental health issues, self-harms, or suffers with an eating disorder and you'll probably get a very different answer.

In short no-one can tell you whether it will get easier or not. You just have to go with the flow.

Nah it's tons easier, good times are coming OP

I loved every stage of life with my two.

I wouldn't want to go back to any of those life stages.

Each stage brings its own highs and lows. It's own wins and exhaustions.

From those a little further in the parenting journey than me, apparently the same is true after the age of 21.

🤣 I spent most of yesterday helping my 18y DC applying for Summer jobs on various systems with different statements and listing transferable skills.

I've also done a mock interview for a specific job...
Enjoy the time while they are little and easily pleased!

I hear you!

Tonight's job with DS is to re-familiarise ourselves with the student finance website and plunge him into a further £15Kish of debt.

CVs and job applications at the end of the week before he gets too used to idling his days away over the summer.

Recently I had one small child screaming with pain and having loose poos from chickenpox, at the same time as the other somehow had a vomiting bug. The washing pile was vast. I'm guessing teenagers at least attempt to reach the bathroom first, so for that reason alone I'm hoping this is the hardest stage!

Depends how much they've had to drink!!!!!

This exactly plus the evening activities, homework, tiredness that comes with being in school and omg the school schedule especially the constant end of term trips, shows, parents events, fundraising etc.

Little kids, little problems.
Big kids, big problems.

@DontMakeMeShushYou lol! But then at least there may be a chance they will help clean it up the morning after 😆