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Original poster

That school aged children must be easier??

157 replies

TwinkleStarWhatAre · 19/06/2023 10:54

I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old, and I keep reading people saying that school aged children can be so much harder. Like… seriously??? Shall I just give up now then?

My 3 year old is a firecracker. She says ‘mummy’ about 1000 times a day. I literally don’t get 2 minutes headspace from the moment I wake up to the moment they go to bed. If I ever sit down I swear she has a sensor. Even if she’s gone upstairs for a brief 5 minutes to play by herself, the second my bum touches a chair she runs back in. When they’re finally in bed, I then have to get some work done (self employed) then try and get some sleep with the 1 year old still waking up at night, and then rinse and repeat the next day.

I don’t know what self care is. My hair regularly has 2-3 inch grey hair growth as I just don’t manage time to dye it. Skin care routine? What is that? I just about manage to wash it and shove some retinoid on in a fruitless attempt to prevent ongoing acne which you would think wouldn’t be an issue in my 30s but it’s still going strong.

My 3 year old started a couple days at nursery two months ago and oh my gosh, I live for those days. I feel horrible admitting such a thing. But just only having one child, who is a lower maintenance anyway, (he is very happy to play by himself for 10 minutes at a time) it is just such a relief. I can actually hear myself think. I can smile. When he goes for a nap I can get work done which means I don’t have to do as much at night so I’m just so less stressed. It feels magical!

So surely… once my eldest is in school, it will be easier??? I will have 5 of those days, not 2. I will be so much happier and free. Maybe… I will actually be able to relax in the evening!!! And oh my gosh, when they are both in school.. I’m literally giddy at the thought.

Please tell me Im right… or I suppose otherwise leave me in willfull ignorance because I’m just so tired I don’t think I can handle anymore…

Just to add I love both my children incredibly so… but I’m just so so so worn out and tired.

OP posts:
ZenNudist · 13/10/2023 08:33

I wouldn't go back to new born or toddler years but parenting a 9 and 13yo is still hard work. The 13yo wants to go out on his own with his mates nowadays which takes him off our hands but you still have to run him about which limits our day and his dbro needs more attention and gets bored.

Then there's activities, trips, school requests, making them do homework, music practice, so much sorting to do.

Toddlers are full on but should be in bed early up early. Mine are up between 7am and 10pm sometimes later! No evening for me. Just work and sort stuff out.

Changes17 · 13/10/2023 08:33

I was in your position (self-employed). Which is great when they go to school. I became very organised - finishing everything during school hours and then spending quality time with them once they were finished. It was great. (You will miss the pre-school years though so do enjoy them as much as possible!)

Now they’re at secondary school and I have plenty of time for work/to myself.

Comedycook · 13/10/2023 08:35

Mine are teens now. .I definitely miss when they'd go to bed at 7pm and we'd have a peaceful evening and eat dinner together...now they are up till ten but to be fair they don't require a lot of input

Saschka · 13/10/2023 08:35

School age is fine! My six year old can go to the toilet without any involvement from us, get himself dressed, brush his own teeth, wash his own hair in the bath, get himself a drink or snack, etc. Game changer compared to a three year old!

TheaBrandt · 13/10/2023 08:47

The Friday night pick up at 9.30 ish is a sad development for my Friday wine habit / social life make the most of the bed at 7 years

Warum · 13/10/2023 09:01

There are plus points and challenges at every age - ignore those who say 'it gets easier'! There are financial advantages once they are at school as your childcare costs should go down (though other costs will be added in). Once they are at school everything you do is more at the mercy of the school term/holidays, whereas before that it might be more flexible.

AmyandPhilipfan · 13/10/2023 09:49

Well, all children are different and all situations are different but I definitely find older children easier in general than younger ones, as I get some time to myself with older ones and I really crave that! I really enjoyed my daughter from 0-2. I gave in to cosleeping early on so that she would sleep and therefore so would I. We used to go to morning baby/toddler groups and then she would have a lovely 2-4 hour nap and so I could have a nice nap too! She was fairly placid and easy going. At 2ish she started knowing her own mind a bit more, and dropped naps at 2.5, so I started finding it a bit more difficult. Age 2-5 was quite a slog I felt with lots of clinginess and also whingeing about everything!

She's now 6 and still a bit whingey but it has definitely got better and she also doesn't feel the need to be with me every waking second so I definitely find her easier to parent now!

FLOWER1982 · 13/10/2023 09:54

Primary age is lovely. I work part time so get 2 days off in the week. It’s fab and I feel like I’ve earned that time. I normally end up spending most of it catching up on jobs but still.

noworklifebalance · 13/10/2023 09:54

raffegiraffe · 19/06/2023 11:00

It's so much easier. Hang on in there. I used to read the posts about it not getting easier when my two were little and despair, but it absolutely does get easier

I agree.
However, you will spend more time ferrying them to and from birthday parties, play dates and wading through endless school admin (dress up days, world book day, school fairs, assemblies etc etc). So you will still have no time but it is much much less stressful, claustrophobic and incessant

DontMakeMeShushYou · 13/10/2023 10:05

DontMakeMeShushYou · 19/06/2023 16:59

Depends how much they've had to drink!!!!!

Show quote history

@Diymesss

Since this thread has been resurrected and we're now 4 months on, I can answer your question a bit more accurately.

The answer is that no, if your 17 year old DD contracts a D&V bug from swimming in the sea and the effects start in the middle of the night (whilst you are camping in a field, in the pitch black, wrapped inside a sleeping bag and zipped into your sleeping pod inside the tent), they won't make it out and across a dark field to the toilet block in time. They will simply projectile vomit 3 times in the space of 30 seconds all over their bed whilst you fumble around for the light switch. And I can tell you that trying to clean that up and wash and dry everything on a campsite is quite something! 😂

Stompythedinosaur · 13/10/2023 10:12

Primary is definitely easier! When people say it isn't, I always think they have forgotten how relentless it is parenting young dc.

swirlingabyss · 13/10/2023 10:13

So much easier OP. Yes still hard but so much easier.

Diymesss · 13/10/2023 11:06

@DontMakeMeShushYou oh christ, what a way to wake up. Well, you have my sympathy! (Making note to self never to camp with the kids, at any age!)

Purpleturtle45 · 13/10/2023 20:56

Less physically exhausting, more emotionally exhausting!

ScruffGin · 13/10/2023 22:24

My 5 year old is so much easier than when she was younger. The period between 18mths and 3 1/2 is why she's an only child. It was brutal. You have my sympathy

Dramatic · 13/10/2023 22:30

I have 5 kids, ranging from 16 to 3 and the toughness of each stage is just different and is different with each child. Some are a breeze as toddlers, some are horrendous at age 6, some are terror teens.

You also have a huge amount of worry when it comes to older kids that you don't have with the younger ones. Just knowing that there are going to be worries they won't necessarily tell you about, things they are struggling with that you just can't fix like you could when they were 3. It's mentally draining.

But I feel for you because two toddlers is relentless, you don't get any breaks like you do when they're older so in that respect it's harder.

boomtickhouse · 13/10/2023 22:36

Well yes of course it's easier if you're still at home in the day whilst they're out at school!

Most people mean it's harder within the context of working & parenting. Because...

School is 9-3 not 8-6.
Fixed drop off & pick up times (to the minute).
13 weeks school holiday.

New expectation around reading / spellings / homework.
More complex friendships & social issues to resolve.
They don't have tea at school - more cooking.

Making packed lunches.
Keeping track of uniforms / PE kits rather than wearing anything they want to nursery.
After school activities start and need ferrying around / fitting in to the weekly schedule.
Later bedtimes, less evening relaxing when they stop going to bed at 7:30!

Ontheperiphery79 · 13/10/2023 22:36

That sounds really tough and I remember feeling similar, although my DC are twins.

Does it get easier? For me, no. Not easier. Just better, in some respects.

Both have SEN/SEMH, one with very challenging behaviour and complex needs, BUT at 5.5, I really do love being a parent more than I used to. I'm just better with school aged children, I think.

tiredofbeingadmired · 13/10/2023 22:38

Wildly amazingly fantastically easier - has been my experience

6 and up - a game changer

Meandermoanda · 13/10/2023 22:40

It's not harder or easier it's different. They're jo'e less but there's so much more to organise, dirt out and remember and a timetable to fit your life around. Then there's social problems and friends issues.

Saracen · 14/10/2023 01:39

It depends on the particular kids. One of mine was incredibly hard work when little, and started getting easier at age 5/6 and then just got easier and easier. The teen years were a total breeze.

The other was a placid little soul and gradually got more challenging after the age of eight. Not exactly difficult, but less easy!

coxesorangepippin · 14/10/2023 01:42

Yes, they're a lot easier once at school

The early years are relentless

VashtaNerada · 14/10/2023 04:07

I have DC at secondary school and can honestly say that every stage is easier than the last. There are obviously hiccups along the way (teens can have big crises that are very stressful!) but in general terms it’s so much easier as they get older. I honestly think some people have short memories and just forget the relentlessness of looking after babies and toddlers.

CaptainJackSparrow85 · 14/10/2023 06:49

I think your issue isn’t so much their age, but trying to do your job when they sleep. Most people don’t do that - and still find it exhausting.

DoorPath · 14/10/2023 07:17

Yes, it does get easier than that.

Can you afford to put DD1 in nursery for an extra day a week? I am assuming she loves it, as most children do,