That school aged children must be easier??

[TwinkleStarWhatAre]

I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old, and I keep reading people saying that school aged children can be so much harder. Like… seriously??? Shall I just give up now then?

My 3 year old is a firecracker. She says ‘mummy’ about 1000 times a day. I literally don’t get 2 minutes headspace from the moment I wake up to the moment they go to bed. If I ever sit down I swear she has a sensor. Even if she’s gone upstairs for a brief 5 minutes to play by herself, the second my bum touches a chair she runs back in. When they’re finally in bed, I then have to get some work done (self employed) then try and get some sleep with the 1 year old still waking up at night, and then rinse and repeat the next day.

I don’t know what self care is. My hair regularly has 2-3 inch grey hair growth as I just don’t manage time to dye it. Skin care routine? What is that? I just about manage to wash it and shove some retinoid on in a fruitless attempt to prevent ongoing acne which you would think wouldn’t be an issue in my 30s but it’s still going strong.

My 3 year old started a couple days at nursery two months ago and oh my gosh, I live for those days. I feel horrible admitting such a thing. But just only having one child, who is a lower maintenance anyway, (he is very happy to play by himself for 10 minutes at a time) it is just such a relief. I can actually hear myself think. I can smile. When he goes for a nap I can get work done which means I don’t have to do as much at night so I’m just so less stressed. It feels magical!

So surely… once my eldest is in school, it will be easier??? I will have 5 of those days, not 2. I will be so much happier and free. Maybe… I will actually be able to relax in the evening!!! And oh my gosh, when they are both in school.. I’m literally giddy at the thought.

Please tell me Im right… or I suppose otherwise leave me in willfull ignorance because I’m just so tired I don’t think I can handle anymore…

Just to add I love both my children incredibly so… but I’m just so so so worn out and tired.

School age is obviously easier for a SAHP but we found harder as working parents.

Nope still don't buy this. I have worked full time through nearly all the preschool years (including months on my own due to DH working away) and the mental juggle of school pick ups, holidays, homework etc is still nowhere near as unrelenting as a human-being needing you to KEEP THEM ALIVE.

We are lucky with wraparound and school holiday childcare but what did take some adjusting to was the way in which school just doesn't give a shit about what's convenient to working parents - it's really different to private nursery. Our school does stuff like giving you 2 days notice of sports day etc..

But I still find it vastly easier overall than under 3s

Do people say that school aged children are more difficult?

Only when enjoying kicking someone when they're down. Takes a certain character. No one actually believes it's harder deep down, or they're kidding themselves desperately trying to validate themselves for some reason.

I took a train the other day with just my 7 year old. He read his book, I read mine, I was just like WOW this is so much easier than if we had the younger one with us.

3&1 I'd probably the worst combo of ages so you've got it tough there!

DD is 5 and I'm reception, she's easier but I don't find school easy at all! Our school is pretty good but still last minute comms, juggling forest School days, PE days, the days when after school club shuts unexpectedly so I have to pick her up and somehow do another 2 hours of work. Having to manage leave to cover holidays, inset days, strike days. Her being upset because she didn't like the lunch. Listening to them read which is like absolute torture. Hearing she hasn't played with anyone or is sad because Elsie goes to dance and trampoline but we can't because there's not enough hours in the bloody week.....

I like nursery, 50 weeks a year, 8am - 5.30pm, no expectations of dress up days or constant requests for cash.

Settled, healthy and nt school age dc are a piece of cake. The logistics around them can be trickier depending on your obligations and resources through.

Through? Though

If you’re going to be a SAHP while your older child is at school then of course it’ll be easier, there will be a chunk of the day when you’re looking after 1 not 2. If you’re going back to work then not so much. I’ve found juggling work and school harder than work and nursery and my 5 year old is still a whirlwind from the minute she wakes up to the minute she goes to bed.

I think the issue is that you are trying to work without having proper childcare so there’s no downtime for you. If you did a 9-5 with both kids in nursery or were a true SAHP you’d at least have evenings once they’re in bed to relax. I couldn’t do what you do.

All kids are different but personally I found it gets worse before it gets better! When you have homework, activities and long school holidays to manage but you also have a toddler at home that doesn’t nap! I’m expecting this summer to be really tough as I’ll have a 6 year old and 2 year old at home. But then come September the youngest will be starting the school nursery 5 mornings a week, hooray!

There’s a sweet spot of parenting between maybe 5 and 9/10 (depending on child) when they are just lovely. Toddlers and teens are the tricky parts for me- I’m hoping the post teen years might be another sweet spot 🤞🏻

Teens aren't inevitably difficult.

The older they get the easier they are.

If you are a working parent though it's much harder at school than nursery.

It's less physically exhausting and relentless than pre-school years (tho I loved those years) - anything is easier to deal with when you're getting proper sleep.

It's harder in different ways at primary but also easier than having preschoolers I'm some ways. Then on to high school and college and it's hard in ways you couldn't imagine when they were little.

That's where I am at the moment and it's full on with 2 teens and a primary aged child. For the older ones the stakes seem so much higher for them when there are problems that actually it does feel harder to navigate than in the younger years. Plus teens come alive at night I find the best conversations happen late at night they're more open to talking then so I definitely get less sleep than I would like, plus not being able to sleep properly until the oldest is home sometimes 1am!

Needs change, little ones are physically more demanding but life is flexible whereas bigger ones are logistically harder! I'm still dealing with logistics and youngest is 22!

It's easier in so much as they are in someone else's care for 6 hours, 5 days a week. But IME the emotional labour is far greater. It depends on the kids you have I guess. But one of mine in particular has very high emotional needs which seem to increase with age. It's very complex and honestly exhausting to deal with and there seems to be more to worry about the older mine get. They are also crap sleepers so I don't really have evenings to myself still.

So less physical labour because they can feed themselves, clean themselves etc but A LOT more emotional work and worry. And a constant stream of appointments, events, play dates, parties etc. Our schedule is madness.

I find my kids are getting easier as they get older. Different challenges yes, but are they as hard? For me personally, hell no. My youngest is 2.5 and is SUCH hard work, I cry constantly with his beaviour. But, he has been difficult largely since birth. I would rather deal with 2.5 him than 1.5 him. Does that make sense?

It's different when they are older. Mine have SEN so that's different again but I have 5 dc ranging from 17 to 9. 2 of them still don't sleep through the night. There is still always mess/toys everywhere unless they are at school. Lots of teen drama. They wander off and don't answer their phone. Remembering all the school admin is a full time job (that reminds me, I need to book parents evening). I love it though.

3 and 1 is tough! Mine are 6 and 4 now (yes yes even with the school scheduling and the questions about war in Ukraine) it is SO much easier than the toddler/preschool years. When we go for a day out now they each carry a little backpack with their water bottle and snacks and a book, they tell me when they need the loo with enough warning to find one, they can walk or scoot a decent distance. When I think of the days I was lugging a pram on and off the bus/train, always carrying a bag with two different sizes of nappies and changes of clothes in case of accidents, worrying if the little one would sleep in the buggy or if we needed to go home for nap time - I’m amazed I ever took them anywhere!

Now they’ll watch a whole film, if we go out for food they’ll sit and have a conversation, we went on holiday in May and they spent HOURS building sandcastles and collecting shells together and I actually read a book! A whole book! Unimaginable to me in the days of supervising toddlers where if you look away for a second they’re shovelling sand into their mouth.

I have a teen and 9 yo and I’ve found my children progressively easier as they get older.

It’s the physical aspects of childcare that I find and found difficult, so the more independent they get, the better.

Some people, I think, don’t mind the physically challenging but comparatively “simple” problems of the early years - whereas teenagers can have knotty emotional or school related issues to sort. I don’t mind that so much. It’s more like the job I do and trained for I guess!

I think when people say that, they mean for working parents. Nursery’s are open normally 8-6pm so that’s a huge chunk of the day covered. And you don’t have to deal with school holidays.

Then all the after school ferrying. It’s different but still a massive juggle if you’re working. Less so if you stay at home.

I’ve known people who held on to their careers when kids were little who threw the towel in when they started school, or retrained, or went more part time.

They also need you more emotionally- you need to be happy to miss nativities, sports days, assemblies. I found it harder.

I've got a very challenging nearly 3 year old and this ^^^ is what I DREAM about!

It is so incredibly worth it.

It's definitely easier. My friends with 1-2 year olds can't sit and watch their children play for 5 mins as they're wandering off and have no sense of danger. 3 is definitely the turning point and from 5 they're much more independent. Yes overall there are challenges, juggling school holidays and all the activities and school expectations, friendship worries etc. And siblings often bicker. But I think by 5+ parents have forgotten quite how hard work 1+ is.

Totally agree!!!

I think primary school age children, once they get to around 5 are much easier. Then they get to 10/11 and it starts getting harder in a different way and around 12/13 you'll be wishing for the terrible 2's and 3's again!!