To stop contact if he can’t keep to the time?

[BedtimesBackThen]

My ex has our kids every other weekend but he keeps dropping them back late. It’s supposed to be 6pm but he’s usually at least twenty minutes late. It’s a long drive so I have to give them their tea and get them ready for school on Monday.

AIBU to say he can’t have them if he can’t keep to 6pm?

This is controlling behaviour and the beginnings of parental alienation. I hope your ex begins legal proceedings before you are able to escalate this behaviour and cut him out of his children’s lives over you not being able to control him.

You literally sound like you'd jump on his grave if he got hit by a bus and then wipe all evidence off his existent from those children's lives just because it's an inconvenience to you that they aren't your partner's kids..
You are literally complaining that he won't give up his 2 weekends a month for your family ? How much stuff do they miss out on in regards to his family by only having those 2 weekends a month?
If I only got to see my kids that often, I'd want to spoil them too. And no he does not need to give you anything he buys. He didn't buy it for you. He is buying stuff for his kids for when they are with him. They're allowed to own stuff at dad's house, it's their home too. He is regularly missing out on sooo much stuff and you're acting like he should be having next to no contact because it's an inconvenience to you to acknowledge that he exists.
This is all a YOU problem. The kids probably aren't even that bad, it's just an inconvenience to you to acknowledge that they get upset having to leave dad's house.

These are my thoughts too.

I bet when the children are old enough to have mobiles she'll be in there blocking everyone's numbers on his dads side....(speaking from personal experience!)

Are you serious? He's sometimes 15 or 20 mins late and you want to stop his contact with his kids?

What a great mum.

Why should dad’s time be cut short. He sees them twice a month. OP sounds incredibly selfish and should just expect their children home by 7.

I’m sure the lateness can be forgiven two weekend a month

... Wastes... Time... Hugging them?
I am sorry but i lost any little bit of sympathy for you when you said this. Shocking a father wants to hug his children. You would love it i think if he died so you will never have to have any dealings what so ever with him again. And replace him with your new partner. Hopefully as kids grow up they will see what you are doing
PS toys and clothes in separate houses is quiet normal

I think you need to just get over this.
if they’re always late then just plan for that instead. My ex always never brings mine back as planned, sometimes it’s 1-2 hours late and others is 1-2 hours early. I don’t care. They’re spending time with their dad so who am I to dictate those terms. Why don’t you get him to give them some tea, so if they are still hungry then they only need something light like toast. We split when our kids were 5 and 3 so they were young too. But quick teas, baths and stories on a Sunday evening is enough. You’re being bitter over not even an hour of time!
Cutting contact for this is absolutely ridiculous.

No that's silly.

Helped you pick up the pieces did he? And now you want to pretend he’s their dad while trying to stop them seeing their actual father. Charming.

You should be paying for their home, not your boyfriend.

You’re making something out of nothing here. It’s not the end of the world if they’re a few minutes late to bed.

youre making the issue by insisting you have a Sunday dinner together - just make them something easy to have ready for when they get back. Quick dunk in the bath and off to bed. It’s one evening, once a fortnight.

i say this as a single parent of 3 primary aged children who come home at 7pm every other Sunday night (youngest in reception). With an ex who is consistently late just to piss me off.

it’s just not worth getting angry and wound up over.

OP, everything you add is making this look worse!

They miss family events with you because they see their dad... well yes, but their dad's side of the family is family too! You have a nice predictable fortnightly rhythm so where you have input into the timing of your family events, you can do. My family often ask when my DD weekends are so she doesn't miss out.

As for the two hour drive, which of you moved so far away? If you, then you've removed the option for him to have weeknights on top of his EOW.

I don't think this has gone as the OP hoped. To be fair, I am encouraged by the responses acknowledging that dads are important. Sometimes MN can be a little interesting! 😂
Maybe she should consider the kids living with the ex, have them herself once a month , and have lots of time with the new bloke. Of course, she will stick to times religiously as she knows it is irritating. 🤔 its fine for dad, should be fine for mum.
No? I bet it's they are 'her kids' and dad is an annoying presence she would rather not have.
She would get on well with my son's ex. Although she doesn't let my son see them regularly, he has to fit in around what she wants. and her mood

Just imagine for a minute yiu only saw your children every other week? How hard that is. How much you’d miss them? How much you would feel you were missing out on? That another person you don’t know is being a parent to them and yes you’re glad he/she is doing a good job and cares about them… but they are your babies and it hurts to see them go off with them. That you want to make the most of every previous minute you have before they go back and yiu can’t see them for two weeks!!!
How about you tell him you understand how hard it must be and suggest he does their tea, gets them ready for bed and in their pjs and drops them off later when there’s less traffic. put aside your frustrations. One late night every other week is fine. A disruption to their routine is fine compared to losing a relationship with their father. Don’t make things more difficult then they already are for you your kids and their dad…. You will end up in court. It will cost you both thousands and you will all suffer. Think about what you are saying here. Think about what’s best for your children.

Wow … I can’t believe I read this, you actually come across as very selfish .. so your ex sees the kids once a fortnight and your moaning about them being half an hour late, Seriously give your head a wobble

I cannot believe this is a serious post. Firstly what I would do for my ex to actually drop the kids off after they’ve had the weekend with him (and it’s every weekend as well). I do all drop offs and pick ups, I pack a weekend bag as he doesn’t think to get the kids their own wardrobe at his, any weekend trips planned are from my own pocket and so much more. But I grit my teeth and get on with it because it’s more important that the kids are having dad time above all else. And I’m usually 20 mins late picking them up myself, because I just bloody am. They survive and manage to get fed and bed just fine on a Sunday.

I'm sad that this needs saying. You asked a question..AIBU? ....98% (at time of writing) said YES YABU. Still you need to justify and try to explain why. You aren't asking AIBU, you just want people to tell you, uou aren't no matter what we really think.

Remember. What is best for your children is having as many people as possible in their lives that love them, care for them and look out for them. Period. Nothing I have seen suggests Dad is abusive or even close. Even his GF seems to care as she helps them with their reading etc. Why would you want to limit that? Stop thinking about you and your plans and start thinking about your children. Really thinking about them. All you are doing is potentially causing a rift that doesn't need to happen. Over less than an hour a week. You have your children 12/14days. Imagine having them 2/14 would you be desperate to get them back so their father could have a special meal with them and their partner on mothers day? Would you want to bring your children home an hour earlier (5 instead of 6) so they got to spend a little more of Sunday evening with them, when some of your time is already spent travelling to collect them and drop them back due to the "long drive". How about you offer to pick them up at 6 so he gets his full allowance? No? Because then they'd be back in the house even later due to your drive home!
I understand it can be irritating when you have a time set and it isn't kept to but honestly in this situation it's more than petty. Be happy for your kids that they have a father and step mother that loves them and wants to spend time with them. Don't be cross about a few minutes, which in the scheme of things doesn't matter a jot.

You're in the wrong here OP and I hope you see that before more relationships are ruined. Possibly even between you and your children in a few years, if you don't take stock.

Not read all the comments so not sure if anyone has asked this but have you not thought of just picking them up yourself if it's such an issue?

They’re as much his children as they are yours and you have no right to just stop contact. If you do and he goes to court over it, the judge will take a very dim view of that kind of thing.

YABU - ridiculously so. If he only has them every other weekend, it’s lovely that he’s not wanting to bring them back earlier and wants as much time with them as possible. You mention what’s best for the kids but this is definitely all about you and not about the children - you need to get over this!

How much time does he get with them on your weekends

You could always pick them up.

You want them to have calm time, unless you've made special plans 🙄

My child goes to his dad EOW, and I still think you sound bitter. Ask him to do main meal at lunch time, have sandwiches ready for when they get in. It's once a month if EOW, and every other of them you collect? That's such a non issue.

Are you actually insane? How would you like it if someone took your children away purely because you were rubbish at time keeping! It's irritating but don't deprive your children of their right to both parents, it's petty and pathetic.

"My partner raises them. We like having dinner all together and every other Sunday evening is just a rush with emotional children and ruined dinner plans. If my ex just stuck to what’s agreed it wouldn’t be like that."

It also wouldn't be like that if you accepted that every other weekend the kids are with their father and won't be arriving home till the evening. Talk to him about food, ensure they've had their main meal with him, and have a light supper ready for when they get back. After a two hour drive, the last thing I would want is to immediately be made to sit down to a big meal.

This

Put yourself in his shoes OP. He takes care of his kids 2 days out of 14, imagine doing that, imagine having to take them back, knowing it will be 12 days before you see them again. Can you honestly say, hand on heart, that not only would you be out of the door on time for that 2hr journey you dread, that you'd also make sure to leave approx 30 minutes early just in case there's roadworks? All so you'd hit a fairly arbitrary time point. I really doubt it.
You'll probably now say that you're always on time when you drop them off, but remember, it's only two days until you see them again, and you've been with them for the last 12.
You can paint him as an awful person as much as you like, and I'm sure he's by no means perfect, but that drop-off is probably one of the worst things he has to regularly do.
It's a minor annoyance at worst, let your girls have those extra 30 minutes, in the scheme of things it will do no harm to them, just do their routine as normal and they go to bed a bit late, life happens, they'll be fine.