I gave my boyfriend an ultimatum I know he will fail, so we can breakup?

[crabtheway]

My boyfriend and I have been together for a couple of months but over the last couple of weeks it’s become transparent we’re not compatible.

He’s addicted to weed and his home looks like a squatters den. Time after time he said he would change and cut back on his consumption and clean his home. I’d post pictures of the worst room if I could but I fear he’ll somehow find this thread.

I have tried to help my boyfriend. I have cleaned his home but within a couple of days it was worse than before, and the mouldy bottles with fruit flies I bagged are still by his front door (weeks later) waiting to be brought to the bottle bank.

I’ve organised all of our trips away, I pay for most of our trips away and dates, and I am more than loving toward him. He’s financially stable and more well off than I am, but has had lived life having everything handed to him on a silver spoon.

I enjoyed our relationship initially but now I want out. Unfortunately, he’s not the type of guy you can just break up with, so I have given him an ultimatum I know he will fail. He has two weeks to clean his house entirely and reduce his weed consumption. I haven’t told my boyfriend this but I did flush one full bottle and the remaining liquid he had (THC liquid) down the toilet (unsure if he has more) to try and help.

He knows I’m unhappy and who he is right now is not the person I want to be with long term. During these two weeks we will not meet but do our own thing with our own friends. I want him to get into a routine and build habits within these two weeks that he can continue to build on until they become concrete and apart of his routine.

The thing is, I know he’s not going to change because he has said he will and then proves he won’t. AIBU for giving him an ultimatum even though I will be breaking up with him regardless? The ultimatum was more for his benefit than my own and to encourage him into good habits, but also to prepare him for a breakup. As I said, he’s not the type of person you can just breakup with so this was my only real way out.

He's a manipulative emotional abuser. Run!

I posted on your other thread.

The only 'type of guy's that you cant 'just break up with' is the type of guy that gets violent.

All this other stuff is emotional manipulation that you have fallen for. It's not your responsibility. Why would he commit suicide if you left, if he wont even put the bins out to prevent you leaving? This is the guy that wont clean his house even though it's making you ill, yes?

Just dump him, you're needlessly prolonging the agony. And again, I mean this nicely, please do some work on yourself, with a therapist, about how you ended up in this situation.

He wasn't in an abusive relationship. He was the abuser. Just as he is in this relationship.

Block him and move on. Work on your boundaries.

I just saw your update that you've been together since november. Just leave. Its 6 months of dating, you're not his life partner and carer. How did you end up so invested in such a bad short term relationship?

And be aware once you tell him, he will promise to change, he might actually clean out his house, he may have a few nights off the weed...he will tell you everything you want to hear and remind you of all the good times. Please don't listen, he had plenty of chances, and it's really not normal or healthy to wait til your partner leaves you before you take action

Just leave him OP, he obviously isn't what you want and trying to play him at his own game may well backfire on you.

Once done, perhaps take some time to think about why you were attracted to such an unsuitable man and what boundaries you need to have before embarking on a new relationship.

Wow some bf why are your standards so low cmon get a grip and walk away

I stayed with someone who was BiPolar because I thought they'd kill themselves if I left.

When I finally couldn't stand it any more and dumped them they were...

...fine.

Dump him.

Don't believe his emotional blackmail, words are easy to say. Dump him now and get on with your life, including moving to Australia (if you're the same poster).

This.

None of your "context" post is your problem.

Why are you trying to mother him like this? Just walk away and focus on your own life. Just because he says you're responsible for his happiness DOES NOT MAKE IT TRUE.

He's exactly the type of person you should just break up with.

Euiwww

Run. Run run away now

Why bother with ultimatums?

Just bin him. You're not responsible for this shit or whatever behaviour he chooses to engage in subsequently.
It reads like you're being held hostage here.
Set yourself free.
Dump him.

He’s not your responsibility. Walk away now.

Agree with previous posters, heis not your responsibility.

Just finish things and block

I think he could harm himself or end up worse than he already is.

And exactly how does setting him up for failure with your ultimatum help this?

He is not your responsibility, just be honest and stop playing immature games that could make the situation worse.

Why are you even doing this? You're going to break up with him anyway so why even try to 'help' him with this ultimatum.

I'm flabbergasted as to why you would be in a relationship with this kind of person in the first place, but judging by your tone you seem to enjoy the drama of it.

Just get rid of him and work on yourself.

She didn’t NC, definitely the same poster

Did you read any of the advice on your previous thread? Not sure what you're expecting by posting another thread about him

I'll bet 50 quid he was the abusive one in the previous relationship.

You've been together since November which makes the relationship approximately nine months old; in your first post you said 'a couple of months', which is two.

Whatever, you are not responsible for this man's mental health. You've done your best but it is time to move on.

I can assure you he will move on too. He's needy however I doubt he would harm himself.

Either you withdraw from his life gently, telling him on the phone that you are seeing friends or going away for a short break, etc, and he might gradually get the message, or else tell him it's not working for you, sorry and all that, calmly.

Onwards and upwards.

Not unreasonable. He's not ready to have a relationship. Don't waste your time.