Friends Baby Shower Nightmare

[Popcornlassie28]

Hey Everyone.
I am in a sticky situation and don’t want to come across as a mean person but don’t want to be walked over either.

My friend is currently pregnant with her third baby and asked me to help her Mum with organising her baby shower.
She gave me her Mum’s number to message her and her Mum stated she had organised most things but left me with some loose ends to organise (decorations, shower games, cake etc).

I found her quite unresponsive to messages and has been hard to organise with but ploughed on through. Anyways, she left all of my messages on read even ones that are asking simple questions such as ‘What time do we get the keys to the venue so we can start setting up?’

She told my friend she’s found me unhelpful (I’m so confused as I’ve been left on read on every message with zero communication) and doesn’t like what I have done so far and my friend has asked me if I could return some things and re order. It’s partly a surprise so she said she couldn’t go into detail about what it was as she ‘didn’t know.’

I sent a message to her Mum and was again met with nothing. Until today, in the WhatsApp group chat for the event she sent a message out saying that she’s organised everything by herself with NO help and to ‘bear with her’ but she’s proud of what she’s achieved by herself.

1. She hasn’t done it by herself and some of my money has gone into this? Why would she say this?
2. All other people invited thought I was helping so I feel like I don’t look like a good team player and left the task to her. This isn’t true but it’s being made to look like this.

I am really confused. I don’t want to message her Mum and upset her (she wouldn’t reply anyways) and I’m worried my friend will be upset with me.

I feel awkward to even attend!!
I don’t even know details to even help set up so I would now be turning up at the same time as the other guests and I’m worried there is going to be a situation.

EDIT: I’ve only met her Mum twice before and she’s been fine with me on both times.

I would go with@MakeItRain suggestion, lets everyone know you have been doing something, mum hasn’t been getting back to you and puts the ball firmly in mums court. If she and or friend get pissy with you, take a massive step back from it all

OP you HAVE to send the message saying you're using the cake etc for friend's kid's birthday party. Please tell me you've done it. I don't mean this in a gleeful way, just that it will hopefully teach that CF mum not to be a twat and piss her off.

I would screenshot your messages with mum, send them to friend and say I won't be able to attend the shower any more but this is what I've done. And let them get on with it.

I’d be cancelling that fucking cake. And when the CF’s ask where it is you say “oh I thought your mum had done everything. She said so on the WhatsApp group…”

Baby showers are truly the epitome of selfless and modest gatherings where people come together to celebrate the imminent arrival of a new bundle of joy. It warms my heart to witness the sheer simplicity and genuine sincerity of such events.

I must commend those who take it upon themselves to organise their own baby showers while pretending it's through the efforts of others. What an ingenious display of humility and selflessness!

Not

I'd highly encourage you to liberate yourself from the clutches of this upcoming baby shower, and if at all possible, to sever all ties with this friendship altogether. I'm sure it will be an incredibly fulfilling and enriching decision for your future endeavours.

Well the moral of this story is don’t be friends with spoilt grabby princesses who throw themselves ‘surprise’ baby showers for their third child that they except other people to arrange and finance! Your friend is being ridiculously entitled

Op how much have you spent on decorations and the cake.
As much as I'd love you to be able to get the money back for the decorations I doubt that will happen but definitely cancel the cake.

You could just say nothing but rock up on the day without it. They've conned you out of the decorations but you don't need to let them con you out of the cake too.

Oh you were expecting me to bring the cake you weren't answering my messages and said all was sorted so I assumed you had another one organised so I cancelled. Oh diddums

I've been to some lovely baby showers but only for first babies, and they've just been a group of friends hanging out with some cute baby clothes being given. Cake? Decorations? Organised games? For a third child?? This is so alien to me! I'd personally give this one a swerve OP. And that's without even getting into the mum's weirdness!

Phone and speak to the Mum.
Older people are not as attached to their texting and may not even check their phone every day.

Sorry but I'd have called her out on the group chat. Replying with something like 'well Doris, I have repeatedly messaged you to see what you want me to do but you never answer me..' maybe she wants to do it all herself which is fine, but she could be honest and tell you that rather than be all martyr like.."oh I've done it all myself with no help".

Fuck that. I'd ditch and say why.
I'd send friend all the messages and say that her mum doesn't seem interested
In communicating with you making planning an impossible task so you will be pulling out of organisation. I'd send them whatever couldn't be returned or cancelled. Absolutely let other friends know you have been helping. The brass balls of some people never fails to astound me on here! Fancy having an elaborate shower for a 3rd baby and expecting your friend to not only organise but bloody pay!!!

She wants all the credit but for someone else to fund it. Hence the decorations were returned and re-ordered sent directly to the mother.

Op you must be feeling really used by these people. And I bet its not the first time when you step back and look more critically at the friendship that you've been used.

That they asked the OP to organise and pay for these items rather than others, indicates they think she is the biggest mug of the group.

Cancelling the cake is a no brainer, and anything else you can too.

A grown woman and her mother expecting a friend to spend loads of time energy and money on organising a party for her third pregnancy is utterly ridiculous. Grabby and greedy and narcissistic rubbish. I’d withdraw gracefully, cancel anything you’ve ordered and screenshot the evidence that you tried to help. Then have some norovirus where you can’t leave your house for a few days.

I suppose it’s easy to have all new stuff when other folk are conned into paying for it.

Screen grab all your attempts to get in touch. Send them to your friend.

I would have put a message in the group WhatsApp after your friends mum's message 🤣"Don't forget all the things I did" Honestly would ask friend what's going on with her mum and explain the group WhatsApp message

Shes tried that and was ignored

I would love to know the outcome . Please update us 🙂

So glad I don't have entitled high maintenance friends like this. Who instigates their own baby shower for their third child!? Most people are happy with a card by the time they get to their 3rd.

Just message "sorry you feel like that" to the mum on the group WhatsApp and sack the whole thing off. Tell your friend you don't feel appreciated and won't be coming to the baby shower.

I like the “sorry you feel like that” option, with the screenshots of you trying to message her. And receipts for what you have spent.
Don’t let her control the narrative.

Hope you can cancel the cake. But if not, I hope your family find it delicious.

You need to Kondo your friendship circle! If they no longer spark joy or never did, say thank for the good times if there were any, and then get rid.

Both of them sound like twats. What the fuck has your "friend" done with all the shit from Babies 1 and 2? Is she that wasteful, or stupid? Like mum like daughter I guess!!

Definitely screenshot the unanswered texts and reply to the lie. She sounds like she wants all the credit and is willing to throw you under the bus.

Any drama, just tell them you’re out because they’re making you uncomfortable. Not your circus, not your monkeys.

Was thinking about this and I would totally ignore the message that the mum has put on WhatsApp ( after all, she's completely ignored you!) and I would post on the group chat:
"I've organised almost everything by myself with NO help due to lack of communication from co- organiser, and to ‘bear with me’ but I'm proud of what I've achieved by myself"