Friends Baby Shower Nightmare

[Popcornlassie28]

Hey Everyone.
I am in a sticky situation and don’t want to come across as a mean person but don’t want to be walked over either.

My friend is currently pregnant with her third baby and asked me to help her Mum with organising her baby shower.
She gave me her Mum’s number to message her and her Mum stated she had organised most things but left me with some loose ends to organise (decorations, shower games, cake etc).

I found her quite unresponsive to messages and has been hard to organise with but ploughed on through. Anyways, she left all of my messages on read even ones that are asking simple questions such as ‘What time do we get the keys to the venue so we can start setting up?’

She told my friend she’s found me unhelpful (I’m so confused as I’ve been left on read on every message with zero communication) and doesn’t like what I have done so far and my friend has asked me if I could return some things and re order. It’s partly a surprise so she said she couldn’t go into detail about what it was as she ‘didn’t know.’

I sent a message to her Mum and was again met with nothing. Until today, in the WhatsApp group chat for the event she sent a message out saying that she’s organised everything by herself with NO help and to ‘bear with her’ but she’s proud of what she’s achieved by herself.

1. She hasn’t done it by herself and some of my money has gone into this? Why would she say this?
2. All other people invited thought I was helping so I feel like I don’t look like a good team player and left the task to her. This isn’t true but it’s being made to look like this.

I am really confused. I don’t want to message her Mum and upset her (she wouldn’t reply anyways) and I’m worried my friend will be upset with me.

I feel awkward to even attend!!
I don’t even know details to even help set up so I would now be turning up at the same time as the other guests and I’m worried there is going to be a situation.

EDIT: I’ve only met her Mum twice before and she’s been fine with me on both times.

Nobody with any social sense has a baby shower after the first baby. It is understood that those basic things are now procured and will be used again for the next child.

They sound like entitled, rude pricks.

I love the suggestion above to keep the cake and eat it!

I bet the Mum is a control freak and wants to be the one to organise everything and that's why she is being difficult as she doesn't want anyone else's input. Sounds like this was thrust upon her and she is resentfully and obedienly getting on with it, but even worse CF daughter has got her pal involved "to help" I wouldn't be surprised if an even better/bigger/snazzier cake had been organised so she can 100% say "look, I did it all myself" and to show "you weren't needed anyway! I would definitely call her out on WhatsApp in the form of a screenshot if she is aloof in her response and mention the cake "as requested, I have organised this, please confirm times etc" it may turn a bit sour, but better than turning up with an inferior cake looking like a mug.

Definitely call her out on whatsapp. You have put time and expense into this and your effort has been marginalised and belittled by both your friend and her mother. You are obviously a nice person who doesn't want to rock the boat (and maybe lacks a bit of confidence) and they have, (for whatever reason known only to themselves and which is totally unjustified), taken advantage of your good nature in a horrible way. Stand up to them. Show you will not be bullied by them and they better show you some decency and consideration or you and your cake and decorations will be off.

If I was really annoyed I would probably send photos of the receipts for the decorations and cake you've paid for to the group chat.
Glad to hear arrangements are going well, I've sent you the receipts and attach my bank details so you can transfer the money over to me. Let me know if I can help in any other way too.
Then leave it at that. Don't comment on her ignoring your messages or a passive aggressive message about not getting any help. The receipts will do the talking.

Definitely need to call them out in the group chat.

Mrs Bucket, you don't seem to.be getting my messages, you owe me £x for the decorations that were delivered you your house with screen shot of the order. And since you've ordered another cake I've cancelled the one I ordered.

I don't think you should call them out in the group chat, even thought you are in the right and they are in the wrong. You'll probably be accused of trying to spoil the shower. Hold your head high and stay civil.

Do you have receipts for what you bought for the baby shower? If you do, message the mother from hell and tell her you will provide receipts to prove you helped and copies of the messages you sent her that were never responded to.

You owe the mother from hell nothing. She is a drama queen martyr who needs to be the center of attention and this is her newest gig.

Then don't go to the shower and find a friend who doesn't expect a baby shower for the third baby. At some point, it's just getting greedy.

Nobody with any social sense has a baby shower after the first baby. It is understood that those basic things are now procured and will be used again for the next child.

I’d never heard of it until my own for my second baby. It was arranged by my mum friends - one of them baked a cake and they bought me some bubble bath. The sort of palavar being described here is quite baffling.

You have my sympathy, OP, but I'm sorry - I haven't got any useful advice that other pps haven't given.

I'm just shocked at the cheek of a baby shower for the 3rd one. And getting someone else to do the organising! Jeez.

I'm sure the modern craze for baby showers and very expensive, high-pressure hen parties causes more upset, offence, resentment and damage to friendships than any good it does.

Absolute cf!

@Popcornlassie28 - what have you decided to do?

Or even ‘hen doo’ as I’ve seen several times on here.

UPDATE:

Today I print screened and shared the messages in the group chat and I got a private reply insinuating I am thick and didn’t understand what was asked of me.

I message back a blunt but kind message saying I understood what was asked of me and I have done it so not following. She said that it would be better without me or my input.

Asked for decorations to be returned (they won’t be, I bet) and the cake can’t be cancelled so I’m going to having it at time.

Friend wants me still to come but I don’t think it’s best I go as I will lose my temper with her Mother. I am not thick, how dare she! The bloody cheeky woman!!!

Wtf?? How bloody rude!!

Awful woman. Just awful.

At this point, I’d be ready to cut ties with this “friend.”

Enjoy the cake 🍰 and enjoy the freedom from
being out from under grabby people.

What the hell. Is her mum OK?!

That’s awful! Definitely don’t go. What a rude twat. I’d forward the PM the mum sent to your friend and tell her this is why you won’t be attending.

Now you know OP.

They think you are a thick mug to be used.

Ask yourself why they asked you to pay for things and not others?

Awful people.

I would be dropping that cake to a staffroom rather than give it to them.

What is it the mum thinks she was asking you to do? The woman is clearly shit at communication.

Good for you, Op. Perfectly handled with the screen shots. The mean b was finally compelled to respond, I love it 😂 she was outed as the b she is. Well done!

Enjoy your freedom! Don’t allow those 2 vultures to ever darken your doorstep again.

Drop the cake on her head. Seriously though, take it back to the cake shop to hold and then make them come get it.

I would be tempted to screen shot and add her message to the group, and say sorry ladies it's been made clear your not welcome and hope they have a nice time , obviously your gift was to buy the decorations and cake so no baby gift will be forthcoming.

Did her daughter apologize for her mum's behaviour?

I think you are very wise to to go.

I'd have to bit my tongue, and you don't want an atmosphere.

Text your friend, tell her how much the decorations cost and ask her to transfer the money to your bank account.

Don't mention the cake. Just eat it. (It it wouldn't be outing is there any chance of a picture of it? I like cake, even by proxy.)