To still be seething she made a cake

[TheCakeConspiracy]

We threw a small party a few weeks ago for DS's birthday. My mother had offered to make a cake. This was very kind of her, however it's our child's birthday and we really wanted to provide the cake. Explained this to her and asked if she could make something else instead.

Skip to party day, she turns up with the 'something else' AND a cake! Ultimately the centre piece of a birthday party.

AIBU to still be quietly raging about this?

Yes - get over it, she was just trying to be nice and it's only a cake

No - she didn't listen to you, didn't care what you wanted and tried to take over a little bit

@TheCakeConspiracy

so it was a dessert, not A Birthday cake.

why did YOU allow it to be The Centrepiece?

surely you used your Birthday cake as, well, the birthday cake and hers was just an option for dessert?

YABU to have 'seethed' & the time and are being utterly ridiculous to still be seething.

Even if it had been A Birthday cake, it was up to you which you used as the Birthday cake and which was just part of dessert.

This!! Honestly the drama some people like to create over nothing! Perhaps OP would prefer a mum who never bothers doing anything for her grandchildren?

It's just a Birthday Cake, get over it.

This.

The people saying this is part of a long line of issues and control , I can't see where the OP put this information. I'd like to know what the other thing was?

I've never heard such nonsense.
Don't be so flipping daft.🙄

Seems grudging to deny four year olds cake choices. Seems grudging to forbid your mother from making a cake to show love for her GC. Seems like this is about your big feelings not a cake. Maybe deal with that separately.

More cake = better party.

Oh god two cakes. Whatever did you do?

I agree with this tbh.

I might've leaned more towards your perspective OP if it had been the first birthday, but it wasn't and she made what sounds like a more grown up cake anyway so I'm not really seeing the issue. She brought something else when asked not to bring the birthday cake.

Then YABU, it’s a dessert not a 4 year old’s birthday cake.

Is cake really something we need to have boundaries about though?

I haven't always had the easiest relationship with my mother but sometimes I do think you have to pick your battles.

Two cakes at a birthday party just means more cake. You're not going to blow out the candles on both, and a sponge cake with fruit isn't really a children's birthday cake, so I'm not sure how this cake ended up being the centrepiece unless the OP's cake was even less suitable for a four year old's birthday.

If the OP is getting really upset about cake then to me that says there are two possibilities. Either the OP's mum's behaviour is absolutely fine and the OP is massively controlling about everything, or there are lots of other issues here, most of which are way more serious than cake, in which case I would let the cake go and focus on those. Being mad all the time must be exhausting.

So is my mum, and the relevance to the op's post is what exactly?

Posts like yours are so unhelpful and quilt trippy.

Yeah maybe she brought the other cake because she personally wanted to eat nice cake and not Paw Patrol themed cake and thought other adults might want that too.

So it wasn't even a birthday cake in the end. Just an additional dessert. 🙄

Anyone bringing cake would be welcomed with open arms here. It’s a party there can never be too much cake.
It was your DS birthday, did he prefer granny’s cake? Is that the real issue here?

Boundaries about cake?! Read it all now. Agree with Margot. Is this the hill to die on?! Honestly I can only assume this thread is a joke - if someone makes your family/child a cake surely that’s a nice thing? She made us a cake - what a bitch!

Agree! I used to love my mum’s cakes.

Oh ignore the 'you only have 1 mum or mine is dead and I wish she could do that" not every mother is perfect and you don't have to just be so thankful all the time.
It was a point to control.
I'd be beyond annoyed, I've also had it happen. It's not a nice thing to do, it's undermining and mean.
I'm sorry that it's now taken the shine off your dc birthday party for you. You'll have planned it all, including the cake, paid for it and imagined how it would be and its not turned out that way.

I voted yanbu.

It's not the cake, it's the doing something that a parent does. Especially since the op specifically said she wanted to do the cake herself.

I've had this sort of thing a couple of times with my mil and it used to really bug me.

Eg I said I was looking forward to taking my boy to see Santa. She got in there first and excused it with "he won't remember".

For his first Christmas I said I was going to get this particular toy he had played with at my sister's house and loved. It was going to be his only gift from us, she knew this as we had talked about how he was too young to understand Christmas. She bought it for him before Christmas and let him play with it at her house.

I got really angry and upset about this. I didn't know what to say. I felt I was being really pretty, but then my mum gently suggested I talk to her about how she had had these experiences with her own children and it was our turn to do these with our kids. We talked about things I was happy for her to do - I gave her the Santa trips thing as I hate queueing 🤭.

It kind of backfired as she now says things like "sunny has that many rules about what I can or can't do with Jack" but ultimately I get to do the things I want to do and build traditions my way.

Chat to your mum and explain why you feel like this. But maybe think first of something that can be "hers" so you have something to sweeten the deal!

It's a bit irritating when someone goes against your wishes but fgs it's just a cake. And if her cake ultimately became the centre piece maybe she did it cos she knew you'd get your child a shit cake 😅

I hope your post was meant to be lighthearted - who's got time to be mad about cake (weeks later too!)

Just try to be grateful you have someone in your life who cares enough to make a fabulous cake for your child.

I'd be seething too. I'd have cut up the cake and served it sliced.

Agree with the PP that it's so bloody irritating having a family member who wants to take over the parents' role.

Who knew 'no' actually means 'yes' in some instances. As long as it's your mum (cause hey she might be dead so consider yourself lucky) and it's about cake (cause no one's allowed to have boundaries about cake)

Honestly I don't know what the relationship is like with the ops mum. But the fact she ignored a direct request not to do something speaks volumes. It's not hard to guess this isn't the first time. Her opinions and wishes have been ignored. So yeah it's a cake but it's also the straw that broke the camels back.

And for those saying it's just a cake suck it up, who needs boundaries with cake. That's the thing about boundaries. Anyone with lived experience of abuse/narcissists/general dickheads can tell you it starts with one boundary. Until you have nothing left. It's not as easy as saying oh I'll let them have this one and then they'll leave me alone and respect my other wishes.

😂😂

I'd put this in the mildly irritating category. YABU to be seething days after. Why do you think you feel this intensely about it?