To still be seething she made a cake

[TheCakeConspiracy]

We threw a small party a few weeks ago for DS's birthday. My mother had offered to make a cake. This was very kind of her, however it's our child's birthday and we really wanted to provide the cake. Explained this to her and asked if she could make something else instead.

Skip to party day, she turns up with the 'something else' AND a cake! Ultimately the centre piece of a birthday party.

AIBU to still be quietly raging about this?

Yes - get over it, she was just trying to be nice and it's only a cake

No - she didn't listen to you, didn't care what you wanted and tried to take over a little bit

You sound absolutely insane sorry.

It's not just a cake is it. It's a birthday cake when she'd been specifically told, no I've got it covered.

I'd be annoyed OP. My mum is an excellent maker of cakes, I am not so much. However I still remember as a child how much I liked that my mum had made me a birthday cake and that is something I want to carry on for my child.

Next time - if it happens again put the cake in the kitchen and cut it up to serve. Maybe give her something specific to make - like a trifle or a quiche.

These are perfect replies; but is anyone else like me only think of them after 20 minutes when it’s too late?

Get over it

You are being a bit daft unless there is a massive backstory. She loves her grandson and made the effort to make a nice cake for his birthday. Its a nice thing to do.

because she doesn’t want to be controlled

Feels controlled when asked to rein in their selfishness and consider someone else’s feelings? Sociopathy much?!

This isn't about a cake. It's about boundaries and being controlling. Not dissimilar to our situation. Which started with things like cake.

My mil: I'm going to get them X for Christmas
Us: no, please don't, we don't allow X in the house.
My mil: oh I don't mind the price, it's fine.
Us: it isn't about the price, <explains perfectly rational reasons>

Mil buys x anyway, dcs know X is wildly age inappropriate and against the rules in our house, not to mention not of interest at all to one DC.

Mil thinks she great and grannies get to be a bit naughty.

DH was seething and told her, firmly but kindly and calmly. She didn't speak to us at all for 4 months and is now cold. She gives them money now and makes a point of saying because "mummy and daddy are boring"

Just have two cakes. No big deal.

Ah the classic. I don't have a mum anymore so you should take all the shit from your mum and consider yourself lucky.

Honestly it's so predictable

So did you end up with two cakes? I would've just told her, thanks but we told you we were sorted for the cake. We'll keep your one for tomorrow I guess.

YABU to be seething. A normal response would be 'wow two birthday cakes! Lucky DC'

Christ I would love it if someone else made the cake. Despite my efforts mine look like they were made by a disturbed 6 year old. From about 8 onwards mine specifically requested bought cakes. I am therefore mildly unreasonably annoyed by these perfect fussy mums and their perfect performative show offy cakes.

My friend made a cake in the shape of a rocket and it wa pale pink when she brought it out with a flourish it looked basically like a giant knob. We still laugh about it.

Well this actually sounds ideal. I’d have used the one you got as the “birthday cake” that gets the whole singing, candles, put into party bags treatment and I’d have used hers as the one to cut up and give out to parents.

I bet DS was very happy to have two cakes!
But YANBU, you asked someone not to do
something for YOUR child and YOUR house and they still did it.

"Ooh, let's keep Nanna's for later/extra dessert" moves away to a sideboard

This! This is the only way OP.

My mum is also dead (recently).It would still have pissed me off a bit if she’d have done this. Just because your mum has died doesn’t mean other people can’t be pissed off with theirs.

I'm a bit confused as to how Mums cake was the centre piece?

Surely 'thanks Mum, we'll leave your cake in the kitchen for now and cut it up later' is what you said ....so Mums cake is a wonderful yummy addition to the party but YOUR cake is the centre piece ?

I think you need to choose your arguments MUCH more carefully

@TheCakeConspiracy
did you buy or make a cake?

i would also be annoyed op though

And an important thing for her if she likes making cakes. It’s mean to tell her not to do something for her dgc that she really wants to do. And very controlling.

Just let her be herself. She might be a bit annoying to you but other posters are right: there may come a day when you will look back on this and read her actions entirely differently. You may see them as more loving than you assume no matter how clumsy the attempt.

And if you really don’t get on with your mum why is she even at the party?

Sponge decorated with fruit is fine. It's just another plate on the table.

If it was a huge Bluey themed cake with Happy 4th Birthday Tarquin and candles on it, that would be different.

But surely you already had a cake which was already in place as a centrepiece?

And now you have 2 cakes which is nice?

I can't bear fuss over things like this. It's not a competition about who's the best and your DC or any of the guests don't give a shit where the cake comes from. It's nice that your DM obviously really wanted to make a cake, God love her!

If you're "seething" about something so trivial I would hate to see your reaction over something serious. Honestly, relax. It's just a cake.

I don't think that "a sponge cake decorated nicely with fruit" is an attempt to upstage a child's birthday cake to be honest--more of a contribution to general feasting. If she'd turned up with a hand crafted peppa pig or Jurassic park that would be different. Why would you think of that as a birthday cake? Just cake I think so YABU to seethe I think.

My mum’s dead too, I still wouldn’t have wanted her to make the cake if I’d said “Don’t make the cake”.

I LOVE making my Children’s birthday cakes! It’s something special to me and I have fond memories of my childhood birthday cakes made by my mother – they loom large in the memory. I’d be annoyed too.

I think the “it’s just cake!” crowd are interpreting this as literally about cake, when it’s actually “my mother doesn’t listen to me and does exactly what she wants at all times”.