To still be seething she made a cake

[TheCakeConspiracy]

We threw a small party a few weeks ago for DS's birthday. My mother had offered to make a cake. This was very kind of her, however it's our child's birthday and we really wanted to provide the cake. Explained this to her and asked if she could make something else instead.

Skip to party day, she turns up with the 'something else' AND a cake! Ultimately the centre piece of a birthday party.

AIBU to still be quietly raging about this?

Yes - get over it, she was just trying to be nice and it's only a cake

No - she didn't listen to you, didn't care what you wanted and tried to take over a little bit

I wouldn’t care at all. Extra cake ftw. Presumably you also provided a cake.

I guess if this is a pattern of her ignoring and undermining you, it’s a bit different.

Still, I don’t understand why you’d object to someone bringing extra cake in the first place.

She sounds awful, fancy making her grandsons birthday party all about her feelings.
Its sad to see how many flying monkeys she has on this thread.

Yes you are being so unreasonable op. How I'd wish for my mum to offer to bake a cake for my child's birthday. My mum doesn't even offer to help. Doesn't lift a finger. Let alone bake a cake. I think you're being super trivial and just looking for problems - it's super ungrateful of you and very much a first world problem. So you mum made a big cake for your child's party ? Hardly the crime of the century.

There is always someone worse off or in a worse situation. So because of that no-one is allowed to moan about anything?

Justine - time to shut down MN!

Your mum being dead screws your view. You'd probably be happy if she trampled dog muck onto your carpet but it doesn't mean it's right.
This wasn't an oversight. OP had expressed herself and made a reasonable request....which her mum over rid for her own gratification.

Not on OP that your mum chooses not to help you and hers chooses to ignore what she has been told. Both aren’t great situations but aren’t the end of the world either. Still disrespectful to ignore your own adult’s child wishes for her own child.

It was my grandson's birthday. He is 12 now but this is when he was about 3.
I offered to make a cake. My daughter and I decorated it together. Oh my days it was dreadful ! It was supposed to be a Humpty Dumpty.

In the end his mum bought a cake because I think she did not trust me LOL, and they put both cakes on the table and my cake caused a laugh. I had the last laugh though because they all said the cake I made tasted amazing.
I get what you have said OP but there was no real harm done. So many awful stories on MN about people who are cruel to their families, makes this seem a bit insignificant but I do realise you were annoyed.

Maybe she meant she didn’t make free cakes for people she has no relationship with? It’s seriously CF behaviour to ask her to make the wedding cake (quite a bit of pressure!) when you admit she’s not even a truly welcomed guest.

And by my read, in the end your MIL was the bigger person and did provide cakes—which were done as gifts, so you were really in no place to critique their form. If you wanted a particular type, you should have paid for it.

I had similar some years ago when MIL turned up to DS's family party with a cake complete with candles already in situ - surely she must have realised that we would already have one!

W kept ours as the centrpiece as it was a character cake ds had asked for; i dont think anyone else but her and fil had any if her cake. Laughed it off in front of the guests but inside I was seething.

However that was probably the point that made me realise MIL wanted DS's birthday to be how she wanted it. Years later and she was still at it.

Yeah that really irks me too.

Me too.

Thats why I don’t use her for silly point-scoring that misses the point of another person’s difficulty,

Maybe check yourself.

I can’t imagine ever being annoyed that someone made us a cake…
But anyway, your child will feel lucky having two cakes, and having a Grandma who wants to make cakes for him. Children’s parties are enough work anyway, having my Mum to make a cake for my dds would have been brilliant, she made much better cakes than me. Sadly I didn’t have that.

OverCCCs,you completely missed the point. I got together with mil son when my DKs previous marriage were young, youngest 6, she happily made them all cakes. We all adults,her children had a brittle relationship with her... she was a bully,who actually walked out on her young kids. She made my wedding cake,we thought she would be happy/flattered to make another. My 17 year old DD had never made a cake in her Life, she did the full 3 tier,I had figures made matching the couple. She marches in, with a fruit cake and a lot of other cakes. My poor DD was upset. The woman turned up 3 hours early,took over the reception. Failed to turn up at the wedding, which was held up for her. Trust me,she's toxic. She told so many lies,we haven't spoken since. That was DH idea, not instigated by me.

With all due respect your bereavement is an individual loss
@TheCakeConspiracy cannot be expected to acquiesce to everything on basis she’s lucky to have a mother who is alive

Posters need to stop this competitive misery at least you’ve got a mum
Really,that’s not adequate. Having an alive mother doesn’t mean one should put up with any old rubbish. Someone Having an absent or disinterested alive mother doesn’t mean people should tolerate any behaviour because they’re lucky to have a mother

If I didn’t want to put out her cake I’d probably just say something like “oh what a nice cake, let’s save that for tomorrow’s family meal/take into DC nursery as we already have one for today”

Yes YABU as you didn’t pie her in the face with it Tiswas style.

My mum is dead too (sorry for your loss) but I don’t think that means we all need to put up with attention seeking behaviour from family members all the time.

Tbh I would have accepted her kind offer, the main thing is your ds had a cake, I don't think anyone will remember who brought it.

My DS turns 18 next week and my lovely sister asked if she could bring a special cake, she doesn't bake but knows someone who does so is paying them to make one.
Of course I said yes as she loves to make a fuss and DS is her only nephew

It kinda does as she’s unlikely to change. If OP works on her own confidence and self esteem she feel less thrown or irked by attention seeking relative. And if she has better boundaries in other areas with her mum, she wouldn’t be indulging a petty rage over cake.

How lucky that child is to have a doting grandmother. I wish my mother were around to bring a cake. It is too trivial a matter to get upset about.

It’s a cake. It’s a nonsense. And it is very relevant that it’s pointed out that it’s lovely to have the first world problems of a second cake when she’s lucky her mother is lovely enough to being a cake. Just accept the cake for what it is, a gesture of love. It’s not a competition.

She made a cake. She didn’t make the cake.

You just have to treat it as such 😊 cut up and share out with the adults.

The point about bereavement is that it reminds you to not to “seethe” or create drama, over things that were actually not worth getting upset about. To make the most of your parents (or anyone else) doing stuff for you and your kids.

How much do you charge for your diagnostic services? There are no "flying monkeys" on this thread, as no-one on this thread aside from the OP has met the OP's mother and cannot be deemed under her thrall.