To still be seething she made a cake

[TheCakeConspiracy]

We threw a small party a few weeks ago for DS's birthday. My mother had offered to make a cake. This was very kind of her, however it's our child's birthday and we really wanted to provide the cake. Explained this to her and asked if she could make something else instead.

Skip to party day, she turns up with the 'something else' AND a cake! Ultimately the centre piece of a birthday party.

AIBU to still be quietly raging about this?

Yes - get over it, she was just trying to be nice and it's only a cake

No - she didn't listen to you, didn't care what you wanted and tried to take over a little bit

I personally don't think a cake is a hill worth dying on.

Annoyed maybe? Yes but I wouldn't use this as a big event.

I find this quite triggering to read, the replies from people saying what your Mother did was perfectly fine. It's really not about the cake and about not respecting OP"s wishes.

I spent my life with a toxic family that never respected my wishes. When I would stand up to them other people would say how lucky I was that their so caring etc. When I had my daughter I noticed that my wishes for her weren't respected either. If I had rules and boundaries for her they were sneered at by them. When my daughter was older she wanted a birthday party with just her friends at a play centre. My family showed up at the play centre not respecting her wishes either. It is the blindness of people on the outside that allows these toxic people to grow.

You sound hangry OP, maybe eat some cake to take the edge off?

Give over 🙄

And you sound like an idiot but cake wouldn't solve that.

My mum died just after my 18th birthday and I was estranged from my dad. Does that mean other people are never allowed to express relationship difficulties with their parents? Of course it doesn't. Don't be daft.

I'd give it a try!

Sorry, this comment was for @Alongtimelonely

This resonates so much with me. Thank you for your advice

Wow thank you for all the replies. And thank you AIBU board, you have not disappointed. I've only made it through half the comments so bear with me

Both cakes were served side by side, there was no way I could hide it away. Or atleast this is how I felt. She would be really upset and I didn't think it was worth it on DS's birthday. Hers was much better than mine and she'd made a lovely display surrounding it with the cupcakes I'd actually asked if she would kindly make. My reasoning being, great she's offering to help, I only want one cake though that I make but cupcakes would be a great accompaniment to bulk it out. Hers was undoubtedly better and most people ate hers. Which is sad because DS and I had chosen his favourite characters as cake toppers and were pleased with it.

FOG is really interesting to me, I hadn't heard of that before. Certainly I didn't want to make a fuss and upset her at the time, which definitely would have happened. Plus I really don't think she cares if I'd asked her not to. However like a lot of you have pointed out, I should have controlled the situation better. I will take this on board 100%.

Posters are correct that there is previous for this. Didn't want to include originally as keep telling myself it's only a flippping cake. An example is; mother happened to be there when DS first crawled. She was in her element, essentially pushed me aside and was cooing over DS very loudly for all the see.

Admittedly I did use inflammatory words, seething and raging, because well it's AIBU 😂. But it has pissed me as well being a bit of mumsnet fun.

😂 Great suggestion (I won't though)

I love cake and honestly couldn't get too worked up about this. I'd use her cake as it was the one people were gravitating towards and freeze the other, or keep it in the fridge for use over the next couple of days.

I can't see the issue.

"Very pretty mum. I'll just put it over here and we'll have it with the family tomorrow. Because, as I told you, I've already got the cake for cutting and sharing out at the party."

Seething and sulking isn't really the answer. You let it be a big deal by letting her cake be the main cake. What happened to the cake you bought? This is a case of "use your adult words."

I think you need to pick your battles in life, but YANBU to be annoyed by this. She basically heard what you said, and listened to your request, and then went and did what she wanted anyway. Rude and obnoxious behaviour.

YANBU @TheCakeConspiracy

Don’t sweat the small stuff.

This. ^ OK to be annoyed, but as I say, pick your battles. No point causing a row about it.

It's finely balanced but I think I'm with OP. For some of us part of being a parent is making or decorating birthday cakes with your DC, with their requests for a train or princess castle or whatever. Maybe a bit home made looking, (my Minecraft cake effort sticks in my memory) but it's what they asked for. Sometimes a bit sickly but it's part of birthday tradition and memories even if it gets mashed up in party bags.

I honestly think it's rude turning up to a birthday party with a competing large cake to outshine the birthday cake the host has made an effort with. The equivalent of turning up as a wedding guest in a stunning long white dress.

Two cakes at a birthday party, great stuff, wish I was there.

1. freeze a wedge of her cake and use it as a door stop next time she visits (or take a picture of something with 'cake doorstop' in the background. When she complains say a few people said it was a bit hard or dry and you didn't want to waste it , then watch her face !
2. Pour a large glass of wine and feel smug you won ! (lainie is not responsible for and fights caused lol)

I’m sorry your mum is dead but I find posts like this really annoying. Can someone not be irritated with their mum, or brother, or granny without someone piping up that their mum, brother, granny is dead and they’d do anything to be able to be irritated with them again. The OP d

Phone messing about.
The OP doesn’t know you so couldn’t possibly have had you in mind when sending this.

Let it go.

Lots of similar overstepping experiences out there and some great advice on how to deal with it. We all know we should let this stuff go and be chill, but it easier said than done.

I'm completely with those who say these mothers have had years of hosting and making things special for their own children. Now it's our turn to experience this joy.

Although I don't think it's entirely fair to use the 'my mother is no longer with us' response. I am sorry to all you posters and appreciate one day I may feel very differently.

Next time why don’t you actively involve her, or just ask her to do some biscuits/ dairy cakes or something.

She did. OP literally said that she asked her to bring something else not cake because they already had it and her mum brought the something else and cake.

😂 Great reply