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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the parents of children who are in childcare would like to see them more often?

1008 replies

tori32 · 21/02/2008 21:46

I CM and have several sets of parents who finish work early on many occasions who never collect their child early. I know I am paid and it does not bother me in the slightest to look after them for their agreed hours, I just feel sorry for the child because they are missing out on this extra time with parents who work full time.

I was a working mum for 3 months (as in not CM) but always collected dd early when I finished early because I wanted to spend time with her. AIBU?

OP posts:
loolop · 21/02/2008 23:33

Sycamore - what a lovely reassuring post as now the flash of anger has gone I find myself wondering...well anyway it wasn't that she didn't want me there she wanted mummy to join in with story and snack!

NiceTry · 21/02/2008 23:33

Number Six of course children should be happy away from their parents but ideally this should be a gradual transition of time spent away. Under 3s ideally should be with their parents. Over 3s ideally should spend no more than 3 hours a day at pre-school nursery, mixing with other children and adults. The key word here is ideally and I realise not everyone can afford this. I did say (in my opinion of course) that it is better for the child to spend the majority of it's waking hours with someone who loves it - I did not say every waking moment.

I also feel working parents who do use child care have a duty to spend the vast majority of their leisure time with their children.

Controversially, I feel strongly that if you can afford it you should be at home with your child for the first three years. Surely this is a short time to invest in a child's life. I have no sympathy for mothers who refuse to take a career break (for anything other than financial necessity)to care for their own children in these formative years.

hercules1 · 21/02/2008 23:34

Well I think you've been given a stack of reasons why now.

Chuffinnora · 21/02/2008 23:34

I think the answer is that they have paid for childcare and the rest of their lives has bugger all to do with you.

Quattrocento · 21/02/2008 23:34

Tori - Sycamore already answered that question - as have many others - you don't understand - but that's okay we don't require your understanding - but it would be nice not to be judged

Sycamoretree · 21/02/2008 23:35

I know QUATTRO, I know - but I gotta do my bit to tell her, no?!

MrsRuffalo (you want to be married to Mark, or you are, you lucky cow?). The answer to the OP's questions is yes, 9 times out of 10 I will rush home early. But so kill me if I steal a moment to myself every now and again to remember what it's like to be a person free of timetable, duty and other people's emotional demands. To, for one fleeting hour, be the centre of my own universe for once.

hercules1 · 21/02/2008 23:35

I dont think anyone was looking for your sympathy though. Perhaps hoping you would stop being so judgemental.

hercules1 · 21/02/2008 23:36

Why does it have to be the mother?

hunkermunker · 21/02/2008 23:36

Can you line up, please - judgey judgemental judgers on the left and those who agree with me on the right?

Thanks. Just want to see how the land lies before I get involved with the thread Oh, I already did.

Nicetry, why would it bother you if your child formed attachments to other people? Are you so insecure in your own abilities that you fear your child would have their head turned by affection from another source?

See, I can be offensive too

Bubble99 · 21/02/2008 23:36

tori. I suspect the simple answer is that, although the parents have finished their paid work for the day - they haven't finished their unpaid work. Or maybe they are absolutely knackered and need a sleep.

hunkermunker · 21/02/2008 23:37

Shit, I don't get sympathy from NT.

How will I exist?!

mrsruffallo · 21/02/2008 23:38

The thing is those early years are so fleeting, Nice Try, now my dd is at school I am glad I spent that time with her.
I don't know wht everyone is so angry on this thread, I really don't.
Tori just asked a simple question- and it is interesting.
I have wohm friends who do want to spend more time with their children, but can't afford it. I can't see them responding with this amount of anger

hercules1 · 21/02/2008 23:40

urrgh - hunker - I dont do hugs, well maybe you can cling on (only if you agree with all that I say)

THe ironic thing is I've been accused of having a clingy child before on mumsnet due to being a long term breastfeeder/co sleeper and now I'm told I have no attachment with them.

mrsruffallo · 21/02/2008 23:40

Sycamore tree- I am married to him
I don't think you need to explain yourself, we could all do with more time to ourselves

Bubble99 · 21/02/2008 23:40

Munker. We all know yours are locked in a cupboard with CBeebies.

hercules1 · 21/02/2008 23:40

I'm not angry at all. Amused and bemused, yes, but angry no.

scottishmummy · 21/02/2008 23:40

Tori32 -you give CM a bad name with your inane, judgmental dribble.actually i am VHappy my wee one is in nursery and not with a heidbanger like you actually.

hercules1 · 21/02/2008 23:42

In fact I have a feeling that tori was an anti extended breastfeeding person herself on a past and distant thread.

Sycamoretree · 21/02/2008 23:42

Nicetry -forgive me for not trawling the thread. You have your own LO's I assume. Have you always been a CM? What, if it's not too nosey, did you do before then? I ask, because it's very easy to spout off about giving up careers, and breaks, when you possibly have limited knowledge of how hard, or even impossible that is in certain professions, mine included. If I had taken a break, I'd have been left for dust. I could never have been employed again at the level I am now. My DH is now going to be a SAHD because it's MY salary that pays our ridiculous West London mortage, and my industry only exists in the capital city, so I cannot live anywhere else and make a living in my chosen career. But I suppose you would have us downsize to a one bed flat in shitsville so that my LO's could have the benefit of me home for the first three years of their lives?

People have lives before LO's arrive. You get to a certain lifestyle. You're basically throwing your pension away if you don't keep on paying the mortgage...blah blah blah.. see you really have me on a rant now.

hatwoman · 21/02/2008 23:43

hat's jaw hits floor at nicetry 23.33

and with ref to an earlier post nicetry some childminders do actually love their mindees.

and answer the q re mothers? why mothers?

mrsruffallo · 21/02/2008 23:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

loolop · 21/02/2008 23:44

I think WOHM feel enough guilt at being at work without being made to feel guilty for stealing few minutes to themselves every now and again.

Most of my friends who are SAHM manage to grab an hour or so a week completely to themselves (GP babysitting for a bit, play date etc) but this is okay as they already spend the majority of their childs waking hours with them it seems

hercules1 · 21/02/2008 23:45

You see I never particularily enjoyed breastfeeding so it makes me feel relief when I hear it mentioned that I am no longer doing it. We are different people with different views.

Original poster
tori32 · 21/02/2008 23:45

Talking of sleep, I need some too Back tomorrow at some point.
Not bailing just tired.
PS I didn't just say mums, I said parents in my OP.

OP posts:
Sycamoretree · 21/02/2008 23:45

Hello Hunker - glad to see you have joined the bunfight

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