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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the parents of children who are in childcare would like to see them more often?

1008 replies

tori32 · 21/02/2008 21:46

I CM and have several sets of parents who finish work early on many occasions who never collect their child early. I know I am paid and it does not bother me in the slightest to look after them for their agreed hours, I just feel sorry for the child because they are missing out on this extra time with parents who work full time.

I was a working mum for 3 months (as in not CM) but always collected dd early when I finished early because I wanted to spend time with her. AIBU?

OP posts:
loolop · 21/02/2008 23:04

Haven't read all posts but the OP sounds like a complete arse who is paid to look after children not judge the parents....

mrsruffallo · 21/02/2008 23:04

Isn't she just asking why you wouldn't want them with you on your day off?
Many parents esp single working mothers go part time specifically for this reason.
It's not such a strange concept

hercules1 · 21/02/2008 23:06

No, she's not.

callmeovercautious · 21/02/2008 23:07

So I must be a bad Mummy. I have had 2 days off work this week and DD has gone to Nursery as usual. I have had the pleasure of cleaning my house top to bottom and numerous other tasks that needed doing which I don't want to do when she is home. For example I hate using cleaning products around her as she coughs and splutters at the meerest hint of toilet cleaner.

She now has a clean house to roam free in and it is also newly toddler friendly as she has just started walking If I had kept her at home we would have had a lovely time but I would have been spending less dedicated time with her.

I missed her as it was wierd being here without her but also very relaxing - despite being on the go all day. It was good to start and finish something without interruption.

And no she does not like to help me cook Dinner - at 17m - she clings to my legs shouting for her Tea when I get in from work as I try to cook her some food rather than bing a jar.

NiceTry · 21/02/2008 23:07

I think the best option for a baby/pre-school child to develop emotionally is to spend the majority of it's waking hours with someone who loves them, preferably a parent but alternatively a grandparent or other family member. A childminder or nursery staff do not love the child and therefore although the care may be adequate they do not have the same emotional investment in the child.

I realise that this is not an option for many parents who have to work and therefore I feel they should compensate for this by spending any additional or unexpected free time with the child. Can you honestly say a child at nursery or looked after by a childminder would not be delighted to see their parent arrive early from work just for the poor joy of seeing their smile.

hatwoman · 21/02/2008 23:07

at "So many people have mentioned 'not liking them hanging around/tagging along' when doing routine stuff. Why have children? " that's so staggeringly offensive. if you don;t like doing jobs with your kids what's the point of having kids? WTF?? what about if you don;t like taking kids to swimming lessons? does that mean there's no point in having kids? if you don;t like going to school plays then there's no point in having kids? if you don't like playing monopoly what's the point of having kids? ffs there's more to having kids than having them there while you do the washing.

JingleyJen · 21/02/2008 23:07

so where does it place me SAHM who is seriously considering sending ds2 to a CM for a day a week so that I can do some things without him?

Am with him 24/7 at the moment.

mrsruffallo · 21/02/2008 23:07

I think its wierd when sahm's put them in playscheme for the school holidays

runnyhabbit · 21/02/2008 23:11

Ok, nicetry, I can see where you're coming from.
But, my dc faces light up when they go to nursery when they see their friends, the vast amount of toys etc.

And maybe, just maybe, some of us (me included) aren't cut out for fulltime motherhood. Does that make me a bad mum?

Scramble · 21/02/2008 23:11

Mine go to week long summer schools because they enjoy them.

Original poster
tori32 · 21/02/2008 23:11

Mrshighwater, please go back and read the thread.

  1. I have already said it was aimed more at full time working parents. I agree it does children good to go to nursery a few days per week. It gives them good grounding for pre-school and helps them to socialise. My own dd goes to nursery 2 mornings per week for this reason.

To whom ever said I couldn't understand living away from family- you make too many asumptions. All my family and DH family live 5 hrs drive away and have done for years. DH is Army.

To whoever asked about jobs finishing early, forces courses/ CS

OP posts:
loolop · 21/02/2008 23:12

NiceTry what a hideously trite post - as so many others have said surely it's about quality time? Spend 1/2 hours getting things done whilst the child is happily at nursery/CM then spend your proper free time doing lovely things with your child makes more sense to me.

I turned up early to pick DD from nursery last week and had to wait 20 minutes as she DID NOT want to leave before story and snack!

Lulumama · 21/02/2008 23:13

if only life was as simple and black and white as nicetry would believe

mrsruffallo · 21/02/2008 23:13

Steve Biddulph thinks that quality time is a farce

hercules1 · 21/02/2008 23:14

Well, it must be then if that's what he thinks...

mrsruffallo · 21/02/2008 23:14

I am undecided myself but don't really understand the concept

NiceTry · 21/02/2008 23:16

No Loolop it is not about 'quality time' it it about 'quantity time' and interest in general and doing everyday stuff as well as child orientated stuff. I would be mortified if my child did not want to leave nursery to be with me as I would feel she had a weak attachment to me as her mother and was 'institutionalised'.

hercules1 · 21/02/2008 23:17

nicetry - I am very happy that dd enjoys being at nursery and ds loves being at school. I think it's great.

Bubble99 · 21/02/2008 23:17

Steve Biddulph always comes up with a headline shocker when he has a new book to sell....

Lulumama · 21/02/2008 23:17

goodness, how very offensive.

maybe the child likes nursery very much and wants to be there!

if my DCs don;t want to leave their grandparents house, i would not consider that they had suddenly formed a much stronger attachemnt to their GPs or were somehow being damaged.......

NumberSix · 21/02/2008 23:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hercules1 · 21/02/2008 23:18

My daughter also loves it when her grandmother comes to babysit too. SHe practically kicks us out the door. That makes me happy too!

lennygrrl · 21/02/2008 23:19

Message withdrawn

mrsruffallo · 21/02/2008 23:19

Oh, I quite like him Bubble
I think you are misinterpreting that situation Nice try- children live in the moment so if they are having fun they will not want to stop at that exact moment

runnyhabbit · 21/02/2008 23:20

Nicetry, I am speechless.

Offensive is the most polite eord I can think of atm

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