To think the parents of children who are in childcare would like to see them more often?

[tori32]

I CM and have several sets of parents who finish work early on many occasions who never collect their child early. I know I am paid and it does not bother me in the slightest to look after them for their agreed hours, I just feel sorry for the child because they are missing out on this extra time with parents who work full time.

I was a working mum for 3 months (as in not CM) but always collected dd early when I finished early because I wanted to spend time with her. AIBU?

cristina- my child starts school next year and I personally feel it would be unfair to drop her at the gates having never left my side , what the hell is wrong with that ?
Nursery gets her used to this, when did I say it was to improve her chances at school ? Did I say that ? No I think not. I think you are the ones being judgemental and I will now leave this thread, and the incredibley defensive people on it.
See you in cm club tori, don't take a blind bit of notice luv.

PS hunker I think you will find its only the second AIBU thread I have started in 6mths.
lulumama 'if you have a career which you have been to university and got a degree for..........' How do you think people become a nurse, raffle tickets? I trained for 4 years to be one and all the hardships that went with it. I felt that giving up nursing for a few years and even having to do a return to nursing course was a worthwhile thing to do to be able to see my dd for more than 1hr per day and not miss her growing up.....very strange concept.

why would you miss them growing up if you work?

Yes but unfortunately, Tori, not all careers built up with a university degree and hard graft (like nursing) can be dropped and then picked up again a few years later. Teaching and nursing are I think good examples of where this can be done, but in lots of other areas (law, IT etc etc) it's just not a viable situation.

And on that bombshell I'm going to bed.

Night all.

Chankins - you got it right there, I was being judgemental and unpleasant. It's so bloody easy to be blinkered to someone else's life. It's more difficult to put yourself in someone else's shoes. That's what I was getting at. Notice how easily you became defensive?

Haven;t read all the thread but I would really like to know what jobs these parents do that allow them to finish early on a regular basis several times a week!

chankins, on one hand you say: "I don't want to take her out as she now enjoys it, and needs her independence from me." and then earlier: "one attends nursery three days a week when I know she would rather be with me".

Is this one and same dd? If so, you are contradicting yourself. So does your dd want to be with you or be in nursery? Or maybe you are just PROJECTING your expectation that your dd prefers to be with you onto her when actually she is as happy as larry in nursery.

Are your mindees happy with you? If they would prefer to be with their parents, I would expect that it is only at the end of the day, which is only natural when they are tired. If they prefer it early on, I daresay you need to up your game.

yes I did - simply because as a cm I understood toris point of view and was trying to stand up for her by explaining I have felt this way before, but was not judging the parents who leave their dc with me.
I got defensive because you assumed I was sending dd2 to nursery to improve her chances at school which you know I did not say !
Anyway, I feel less of a mn virgin now I have officially been involved in my first fight and have people disgree with me, so thanks ! Sort of. Really off now, night all

dont need to up my game blue shoes - am a bloody fantastic cm.
of course she's rather be with me, if I asked her she'd say me, end of.
NIGHT !

chankins, if you cannot take the heat, stay in the staffroom.

Shit - is this still happening - thought you would all be too busy from taking kids to Tesco to spend quality time with them and moaning about the people who pay you and spending all that quality hour on your own to still be arsing over this - tsi Friday night girls - have a glass of ine and calm - no one is ever right! running for cover
xxx

can take it easily luv but really must go to bed now, can continue this row another day if you so wish !

chankins, also find it odd that you would ask your dd whether she prefers nursery or to be with you. A bit of a leading question, perhaps? I never felt I needed that sort of boost.

ok wine even! Whooppps

I book days off work when my children are at nursery, precisely because I want some time on my own. It makes no difference to my children as they are extremely happy at nursery. In fact it benefits them as I use the time to blitz the housework, and therefore when we are all at home together at the weekend we can have fun without me running around trying to do the housework at the same time as entertaining the kids

"It is not a judgement on the parents to say you feel sorry for a child who you know would have liked to be picked up early "

chankins, tori32 didn't say anything about mindees wanting to be picked up early.

BTW, it's not the defensive people on the thread that get my back up but the aggressive ones.

Agree that anyone who asks their child 'Do you prefer nursery or mummy?' probably has serious self esteem issues!!

Maybe I'm the only cm in the country who encourages parents to leave kids with me until their organised and ready enough to have them back? eg, I always offer to give children tea, so that after their picked up, they can go home and have time for a relaxed bath and some chill out time before bed, or whatever their routine usually is.
I offer this because as a parent myself, I can't think of much worse than coming home froma full day's work, picking up an already hungry child and having to get home and fling some food together (by which time child is too tired to eat), then it's bedtime already.
I've always had a great relationship with "my" families (work with the whole family, not just children) and get on well enough with them that I can ask my mindee's mums to look after my own children for a half-day every now and again so that I get my me-time!!
Can't believe the judgemental attitudes here, either from cm's talking about their mindee's families or from women competely disrespecting cms. There are all kinds of people doing all kinds of jobs, none of us should be criticising without any experience of each other's situation.
What happened to mutual support ?

I am a lone parent, i have to work to feed my child, i have no choice. I miss my ds every minute i am away from him, sometimes i leave work early and i dont go to pick him up, i go straight to the shops or bank or whatever other chore i have to do in my spare time, i dont think dragging ds to these places with me when im rushing is spending quality time with him. There have also been times when i have had the afternoon off and gone home to bed to catch up on my sleep, as working ft and looking after a 1 yr old is pretty exhausting. This does not make me a bad parent, im doing my best and comments like

'I felt that giving up nursing for a few years and even having to do a return to nursing course was a worthwhile thing to do to be able to see my dd for more than 1hr per day and not miss her growing up'

make me want to slap you around the head a few times and say get over yourself and try walking in my shoes for one day. I dont want to miss my ds grow up either, i wish i had the luxury of giving up my job in IT spending all my time with ds. Dont judge the mothers of your mindees, i am sure they are doing there best and without them you would be out of a job. Your attitude makes me want to puke. I am just glad the lovely lady who cares for my ds when i am at work is not you!

Thanks chankins for re-explaining my POV
Thanks to whoever suggested a day per week down time- I will be having 9mths from Monday as I start mat leave Although still have lively dd.
Mrshighwater I did explain on one of my posts that a DF of dc actually met us in the carpark after the school run and unfortunately dd saw him. He came over and said hello and then went to the car and went home. His dd was tearful then for an hour until DM picked her up. That is just cruel. The DF of both mindees are on military courses and due to my DH being an instructor I am aware of how much time they get to themselves, yes, some is study time, however, even DH has commented on how they never collect early to spend time with their kids and he rarely comments on anything domestic.

Good on you VinegarTits!
And I'll go a bit further and say I reckon your ds is very likely to grow up well adjusted and able to live in the real world, with a mother who clearly loves him and is doing her best to provide for him. I fear for the kids of some of the posters on here though, with their horrible judgemental narrowminded views.

VinegarTits I am sorry that you have all of it to do on your own, believe me I do have some idea as DH went away for months on end when dd was small. obviously not the same as being a single parent because it is not indefinately, but a taste and was very hard. I don't judge parents who genuinely need to do things and have looked after a mindee without charge for parents going to hospital/doctors appt etc. The situation I am questioning is where both parents are getting home early on lots of occasions and seem to want continual 'me' time.

tori32, a parent turning up and going away again is not the same thing as a parent just turning up at their usual time even if they left work earlier. I don't suppose the parent meant for his dc to see him.

My dd enjoys nursery but also is happy to see me or my dh when we arrive to pick her up. At 2.5 I reckon that when she sees me or my dh she knows it's going home time so if we turned up earlier and then left again, she'd be confused and upset. It doesn't mean she is troubled by - or needs anyone's sympathy for - us not picking her up early. I deliberately don't go early to pick her up because I don't want to make her leave an activity she is enjoying with her friends.

And I remind you of my "continual" me time which I have mentioned previously. One day every two weeks plus 2 hours every Thursday morning. What is your judgement of me?

It is still none of your business what the parents of your mindees do while they are paying you for childcare. I don't understand why you don't seem to get that.

Tori, side issue really, but if these parents were to collect their little darlings early, would you refund their fees for the time they weren't with you?