To think the parents of children who are in childcare would like to see them more often?

[tori32]

I CM and have several sets of parents who finish work early on many occasions who never collect their child early. I know I am paid and it does not bother me in the slightest to look after them for their agreed hours, I just feel sorry for the child because they are missing out on this extra time with parents who work full time.

I was a working mum for 3 months (as in not CM) but always collected dd early when I finished early because I wanted to spend time with her. AIBU?

Leaving thread now due to serious sense of humour failure/grasp of reality failure of many postees.

Perfectly secure with my childcare and lifestyle choices, NiceTry, thanks for wondering.

I choose to work for me (intellectually et al) and for my family (income). My choice to work part time is also partly for me (I have to spend less time at work) and partly for my family (I get to spend time with my dd). I have made a choice I am satisfied with and that works for my dd and for my family. My dd is just fine and needs none of your, or anyone else's sympathy. Why not save it for someone who actually deserves it.

There are good and bad parents out there. Some of the good ones go out to work and some of the bad ones stay at home.

Try harder, NiceTry.

But what about Steve, does he agree with you, MsHighwater? Are your opinions endorsed by some other guru? We need to know what to make of them.

Can see both sides. I have occasionally left DD at nursery for a little bit so that I can get things done. But... saying that if I finish early I tend to want to go get her so that I can spend the time with her. I only work part-time though so maybe that makes a difference? I would guess if you work full-time then that extra bit of bonus time to get on with stuff (or just read a book) might be well appreciated!

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Very well said MsHighwater

Me too Bangandthedirtisgone - for the very same reasons.

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Chequers - I thought exactly the same when i read it. Utterly illogical.

Right, I have just gone a brief shopping trip and an extended walk to clear my head after a frantic day. Leaving DCs in the charge of their father. Is that OK? I didn't need to do that obviously. I could have dragged them away from their new DVD of Ratatouille and made them come shopping for pasta and a new lipstick.

"My mam stayed at home & raised eight of us.
She resented it.
She is constantly telling us not to have a life like her. I could tell you hundreds of things she tells us not to do, but of all her regrets the biggest one isn't making any time for herself when we were at school.
She said she put everything into us. And then we all grew up & left home. She feels empty."

My mother worked for 13 years as a teacher before she had me and she did feel bringing us up (she gave up work when I was born) that... well she resented it ultimately, may be not when we were 1, 3 and 5 but once we were a bit bigger and didn't quite need her so much There was that same gap and she was so clever and so wasted... used to complain daily to my father about she'd done 4 loads of washing today whilst he'd been practising psychiatry, treating patients etc. We are not better off for her not working and I am sure we would have been happier without that kind of guilt that we caused in a sense the ruination of her life.

I do find 23 years on from having the first children (I have 5 and always worked full time) you get a better perspective. I get on fine with the 3 at university stage - I can't see differences between them in terms of love, ability to form relationships etc just because I went out to work. I don't feel less close to them. We put a lot of effort into them and time and that's paid off but you can do that whether you work or not.

The psychological studies really do not show the points that are so often made by some of them. They all show children need loving adults in their lives who are constant. Bowlby's study was of children taken from parent to live/sleep in care in effect so that is not the same as your regular routine of parents coming home every night to care for you and love you.

Stay at home parents don't have a monopoly on good parenting by any means.

Hatrick - no, no, they meant Nice Try's paragraph on how children understand why their parents work and depending on that they deserve NT's sympathy or not. I think NT needs to re-read that paragraph in the book before regurgitating it on the forum because it's not clear at all.

NiceTry
you've just asserted that no childcarer - CMs, nanny, or nursery, have ever loved or can love their charges.
what utter nonsense

NiceTry argued that if you go out to work through financial necessity, then she sympathises with you, but you shouldn't worry too much because your children will adjust.
If, however, you go out to work through choice, she sympathises with the child, which implies that somehow the outcome of the childcare will be different.
This is clearly to anyone in their right mind illogical.

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"If someone said I was wrong for wanting to spend all my time with my kids"

I don't say you are wrong, but I might find you a bit dull.

My kids find me a bit dull sometimes! Good job they have other adults in their lives too then!
But I know they love me and dad best

It seems to me that the way we have to love our children in a way that will, eventually, allow them to move on and out into adulthood and an independent existence.

This does not mean that I think it is wrong to be with them for every possible moment just that it is NOT wrong not to do that.

No-one is wrong for choosing to stay at home and look after their children themselves. It is wrong for anyone - SAHM, CM or anyone else - to imply or state that anyone who chooses freely to do otherwise has made "poor parenting choices".

Okay, I know I should back away from this, get on with being at home with my child and not rise to it but...

I work full time. I'm home by 5:00 with DD (I work 8 til 4).

My spare time is time when my daughter is in bed until I go to bed. So eight until half ten. I'm studying for my final year in an accountancy qualification, which fits into that spare time. I also keep the house tidy, do the cooking, keep everything ticking over as DH works long hours. In the week, I have extremely limited time to myself (I'm skiving at the minute, DD just eating her tea)m, mostly my spare me time comes when she is in the bath with DH but that often turns into washing pots etc. Weekends are totally focued on DD - from the minute shes up to the minute she is asleep, its all about her.

If I get to leave work early, and can get home a couple of hours early, then I come home. I sit on the sofa. I take an hour to myself. To recharge, to chill out. To give me enough rest to feel reassured that I can keep going.

how does it benefit my daughter if the odd time I do get home early is spent picking her up and remaining stressed, when she could easily stay at the childminders with the kids she loves and a childminder who she adores?

In Dec, I only worked four days due to not being well. There were days when my daughter could have stayed with me, but I sent her everyday - it would have taken me longer to feel up to full strength if she had been with me, and I would not have been able to push myself for 100% effort in the evening with her if I'd had to stretch that strength over further time.

Where on earth do all these pigeon-holed stereotypes come from? I work part-time, so qualify as a SAHM and a WOHM. Sometimes I had the DCs, sometimes DH did, sometimes MIL did. Other times they went to nursery. Sometimes I liked painting with them and cake-making, other times it was Hell. I usually avoided doing any sort of food shop with DCs, but DH usually chose to take them and made it into a fun treasure hunt. During school holidays (both teachers) we sometimes kept them home, and sometimes used the time to clear out the loft or decorate. We have a strong, close relationship with both of the, and they are happy, confident, well-adjusted polite, loving children (smug emoticon)who clearly have muddled through and come out OK. So far. And it will probably be pretty much the same for all of us who who are juggling to get through the demands of modern life without jacking it all in. Let's give ourselves a break here.