To think the parents of children who are in childcare would like to see them more often?

[tori32]

I CM and have several sets of parents who finish work early on many occasions who never collect their child early. I know I am paid and it does not bother me in the slightest to look after them for their agreed hours, I just feel sorry for the child because they are missing out on this extra time with parents who work full time.

I was a working mum for 3 months (as in not CM) but always collected dd early when I finished early because I wanted to spend time with her. AIBU?

Viggoswife, do you see yourself being one of those "embarassing Mums" who insist on accompanying their DCs on every school trip to "help out"?

I remember so clearly from when I was at school how they used to make their children cringe with shame.

Xenia - you're quite right. I must start internet shopping. But I live in a weird place and deliveries do not work very well...

bangandthedirt - I liked your post too. We ( myself and 2 older brothers) CRAVED kids club and never got.
Then one year they had a holiday club at our local sports centre. Oh we were in heaven. We still talk about to this day - my brother says " what th summer we went to Marjohns" and my other brother and I say " ooooohhhh yyyyyyeeeeessss"

Funny isn't it, how some people are completely unprepared to accept others' choices?

I have friends who are SAHMs, who work P/T and work F/T. Our reasons for doing what we do are all different. We are friends and don't judge one another's choices or circumstances and we certainly don't pity one another's children (ffs - who are you to pity people you don't know?).

We also envy one another's status at times - I would love to spend more time with dd, whereas the SAHM friends would perhaps like a bit more time to themselves or think their dc's might benefit from something they can't afford. There is also the benefit (which the likes of Tori adn Chelsygirl with probably think most selfish) of not having to care for children when one is too ill to do so as you automatically have a place for them.

Different things for different folks. Is that really so hard to understand?

Anyway I'm off now to collect my underloved, neglected dd from her hellhole nursery. We are going swimming this weekend and out for a walk to feed the ducks. We will have time to do this because I spent the afternoon yesterday tidying the house and ironing between appointments.

And with that I parp.

quite possibly, hatrick!

Yep, I can still remember the fancy dress competition - I was Minnie Mouse and my cousin was Kylie. Can't remember any other bloody holiday from that time though.

Well I have been at home with ds all day. Apart from taking him swimming and shopping and re-cycling.
This afternoon , whilst I have been Mn'ing he has been watching Superman II. Happy as a pig in .
Oh the boy boy.
Neglected.
Unloved.
Such a hard life.

fuck me. I'm so lucky I didn't see this thread before now.

Sounds like I've been hung drawn and quaatered on this thread.

I am a single parent
I work long hours outside the home
I do take time off and leave dd in her child care

And to add to the list
I didn't breast feed
dd never slept in my room
she went to nursery nearly full time from 6 months (she has CM now she's at school)

and I don't feel guilty.

I understand completely where Hercules is coming from

And to put the icing on the cake, I had a 7:30 meeting this morning so dd went to one of my friends, my friend dropped her at childminer, childminder dropped her at school..

Poor little boy Oblomov

Fancy leaving him in front of the telly

viggoswife, I had a reply written out to you, but then I went down the thread & read some of your other posts.....

I'll let you get on with it. Whatever it is you do.

bangdirt, funny how you remmeber minnie. I remmeber that at the end of the marjohns day they had a raffle, to win all of a lollipop and a can of coke. Oh god we were so happy. Once my brother won. I mean, we talked about it for the next 30 years !!!!!!!

"....young children are always better off being cared for by someone who loves them. Professionalism of staff and richness of surroundings, while important, don't touch on the question of love. Young children's bodies can be kept safe and their minds occupied, but their deeper, more subtle needs cannot be met except by someone with a fierce, long-term commitment to them...." (according to Stephen Biddulph).

Well, I can say categorically that ds' childminder, also my neighbour (actaully, three of them, as it was like a mini nursery with my neighbour, her mother and MIL doing it together) all had a "fierce, long-term commitment" to their charges. Ds still remembers his time with them with affection - and I have met many other "alumnae" (inclding a now 18 year old) who have equally warm memories.

I wuld agree with SB that "young children are always better off being cared for by someone who loves them" - where I owuld fundamentally disagree with him is hsi implication that this is not possible in an envornament where you pay for the service. I know ds was loved by his carers.

Absolutely agree hatrick - no one should have to justify their choice. I just think it helps to be honest with oneself. My mum prided herself on staying home, and always being there for the kids (even to the extent of taking a crappy low status job to fit school hours when we were older). It don't believe it did benefit me or my siblings. I think we might have been more confident as children if she had given us more opportunities to build relationships outside the family, and if she'd achieved her own potential as an individual rather than just a mother.

My mam stayed at home & raised eight of us.

She resented it.

She is constantly telling us not to have a life like her. I could tell you hundreds of things she tells us not to do, but of all her regrets the biggest one isn't making any time for herself when we were at school.

She said she put everything into us. And then we all grew up & left home. She feels empty.

I guess the best thing I can do for my children is to have an interest, so they don't feel guilty when they leave home, the way I feel guilty for leaving my mam with no life.

I enjoy being with my kids, they make me laugh, I like doing things with them, we have a lot of fun together. Why are some of you so enraged by this? Why does this mean that I will be a embarassing Mum that has no awareness of boundaries Bangandthedirtisgone?

Before I had my kids my energies went elsewhere. When my kids start school and dont need me so much my energies will go elsewhere. I will detach healthily from my kids at the relevant moments but for now I am giving it 100% and I know I am lucky to be able to. I have not attacked anyones choices on this thread just mentioned a survey that obviously struck a chord with me and maybe others too. We are all entitled to make our choices without being abused for it surely? I am really surprised at the anger on this thread.

Exactly hatrick.
Which is what makes the OP and everyone else who has tried to defend it really offensive

It was a question Viggo, not an assumption. The way to tell is by the question mark on the end.

hatrick - where have I pigeon holed? I realised my 16:00 post might have been taken that way and I very specifically apologised (post of 16:08) and explained that I didn;t mean to. I don;t see anything I;ve said since that's pigeon-holing. I really don;t want to get on your tits. I'm really not interested in falling out with allies

Prettybird
If they 'loved' him that much they would have done it for free, they would have insisted they did it for free

excellent post WallOfSilence.
Viggo - can I also point out that all the working parents i know (dad's included) also love spending time with their kids, laughing with them, having fun and enjoying eachothers company. It's not something SAHMs have a monopoly on.

NiceTry plenty of GP's and relatives get paid for minding. Does that mean they don't love the GC?

pmsl nt - what a ridiculous idea. you can;t care for someone in exchange for money and love them?

Ha, ha, NiceTry. Are you for real? What a bleeding demagogue.