To think the parents of children who are in childcare would like to see them more often?

[tori32]

I CM and have several sets of parents who finish work early on many occasions who never collect their child early. I know I am paid and it does not bother me in the slightest to look after them for their agreed hours, I just feel sorry for the child because they are missing out on this extra time with parents who work full time.

I was a working mum for 3 months (as in not CM) but always collected dd early when I finished early because I wanted to spend time with her. AIBU?

Love to sleep , my point was being made to happymumofone.

As you were

Chelsygirl.
Discussing the parents in the privacy of the nursery is completely different to dicussing them on a public forum where your profile makes you identifiable to anyone who knows you.
I think that alot of the flak that CMs have been getting on here relates to their idea that they can use mumsnet as if it were their staffroom.

Sorry Chequers, I am trying to preempt a nursery vs c/m issue here.

And FWIW I don't care what my mindees parents do either, I even offer an "ad-hoc/babysiting" service for this very thing.

However, when I did work full time, which I have done for 10 years while my ds was growing up, I would rush back to pick up my dc. Only because I would have missed them greatly and they are great little people. This is a very much, to each their own situation. I really don't think there is a right or wrong way to parent, just different.

If you don't tell them you are picking up the dry-cleaning or watching jeremy kyle rather than working, then how do they know? I keep my relationship with the girls who care for my son friendly and professional. I don't tell them about my day, why should I? We talk about what we have in common and that is my child.

I agree that making yourself identifiable is not ideal, hence no info from me about where I live, no names etc.

bet she wishes she hadnt posted anything now.

Message withdrawn

agree its not the best thing to discuss parents on here whilst having an easily identifiable profile but a lot of this thread seems to be bashing childminders having an opinion about the parwents of their mindees and I just wanted to say if you think that your childcarer doesn't ever discuss you you'd be wrong

I used to cm and its a very solitary job, often the only thing you'd have in common with other minders is discussing the parents. or at least thats all the other minders I knew did (which is one reason I gave up)

My brother and his wife both work full time and have 2 dc under 4, they regularly take time out on hols without them. Leaving them with a nanny for a couple of weeks. I think this extreme is a bit sad. But if you have a rare moment to have a cup of coffee, sit down and get the shopping done that's fair enough. If I was early my CM used say 'what are you doing here go and chill and have a rest, dd is happy playing'..

Hmmm-i tend to be in the rush home at the earliest opportunity camp. But I have one PFB and our nanny works at our house so all the piles of admin washing inch-thick dust etc would remain undone as DS does run to mummy with a big smile making it impossible for me to contemplate not dropping everything and playing fireman Sam RIGHT NOW mummy. I think if you have more children the sheer amount of admin shopping managing requied to run the household just goes up and up. Also not being an 'only' they are happier to entertain themselves and a bit less clingy.
I have a friend whose nanny works 5 days and she works 4 days. On her 'day off' she drops off and picks up the older two sorts out household stuff shops for ballet kit new shoes food etc etc etc cooks aheadand freezes for the week and even catches up with reading and preparing stuff for work. This means that they can enjoy swimming football barbecues at the beach lunches out entertaining etc as a family all together at the weekend without having to compress everything into 2 days. And you know if she did want to use her day off for a bit of shopping or the odd facial i think she would be more than entitled to. In fact I think hving more hours of childcare than you actually work is probably a recipe for happiness and a smooth running household-tbh if we could afford it my ideal would be 3 days work and 3 1/2 days childcare.

YABU.

Lovemygirls, you have just put yourself in the same camp as the OP.
You say that you don't understand someone ....
You are saying exactly the same as the OP. And I think our answer to you wil be the same.
Its none of your business what the parent does with their time.
They book their child in for .... say 40 hours. So they work 37.5 ? they commute for ????
OR they only work for 10 hrs ???? and spend the rest of their time ????
Whatever they do, its none of your frigging businesss, quite frankly.

Prpeare yourself for a blasting !!!!!!!

LadyG: "In fact I think hving more hours of childcare than you actually work is probably a recipe for happiness and a smooth running household"

Totally agree. My household runs like a tight ship. We clear the decks (like my pun?) for family time on weekends. I can afford it, and I make the best of it.

I have to yet again reiterate that my point was that due to circumstances either parent of all children get in at least a few hours early most days. I appreciate (and frankly don't care about the pick up time per se) that parents can do as they wish when not at work, I have not said it was wrong, I said that I don't understand it.
An occasional early finish I totally understand people wanting to get things done, but if it is 2-3 days per week surely 1 day the child could have more time spent with them and be picked up early?
As for having Birthdays off? I didn't ever suggest that. As it goes my mindees where all given parties and presents on the day by me- I do love and care for my mindees which is why I feel it is a shame that the parents miss the opportunity to spend more time with them. Again, I am talking from a full time perspective, not part-time.
One of my mindees parents was in the car park when I returned from a school run, I wrongly assumed he was coming to collect and DC saw him. She was gutted when he walked back to the car and drove off. I had to deal with the upset afterwards. So is that fair? Reasonable?
PS he had been studying at a friends house and was going straight home- he told me.

Message withdrawn

It is fair for you to not understand it. (I don't understand it either!)
It is not fair for you to risk upsetting your parents if they are mumsnetters.

Tori32, sorry to refer back to something that you said so many posts ago but I'm only just back (or rather I've only just finished reading the behemoth his thread has become). I explained that I regularly voluntarily spend one day a fortnight away from my dd because of my jobsharing workpattern (in addition to the 5 days per fortnight that I am away from her because I am working). She now also goes to a playgroup for a couple of hours one morning per week. I do this out of choice not necessity. You asked me to read the thread and asserted that you meant full timers, not part timers.

Sorry, but I don't buy that. You criticised parent who spend time apart from their children that they could spend with them. I do it, not just occasionally but regularly, so whether you realised it or not, you did mean me.

Shaqpe, as has been pointed out to you already, you posted information that could lead someone to identify a child that you mind in the context of fairly severe criticism of the child's parents and the parents of some other children you mind. I have reported that post.

"In fact I think hving more hours of childcare than you actually work is probably a recipe for happiness and a smooth running household."

round of applause for ladyg!

Yes, carers will have and should have an opinion. However that opinion might be unfair and judgemental. Like the OP's. And as others have already said, to state such opinions on a public forum when you are fairly easily identifiable is really not fair.

Having given this some thought today (have thought of little else TBH) I can see how it's perfectly natural that dd's carers should discuss me and have an opinion on me. I just hope that the opinion is that I am a nice person and a good Mum, although I suspect I'm deluding myself given some of the posts on this thread.

Agree. Three cheers for ladyg, for her 'bit of common sense'.
If I had the money, I too would have a bit more childcare than I needed, which would allow me a free afternoon, or a haircut, or what-ever- each of us would choose.
If anyone says that they would turn this down, I would consider them a wee bit odd !

I'm really glad you're not my cm tori! If you were, I'd be looking around for a new one.

My dh often gets in from work at 3.30-4.00. If he's picking the dds up on that day he will pick them up at the usual time of between 5.00 and 5.30. In order to get home from work at that time, he has got up at 5.30 a.m. and has worked a 7.5-hour day as well as 2.5 hours' commuting. When he gets in, depending how he feels, he has an hour's sleep or sits quietly and listens to music for a bit.

Why the hell should he have to justify to our cm or to anyone why he does not choose to spend that time with the dds instead?

Likewise, the question of the supermarket shop... My dds hate it. It's boring. They'd rather be at the cm's playing with their friends. They'd rather be almost anywhere than in Tesco's tbh (so would I, but I'm an adult, so at some point I have to go!). Not all families are 2-parent families, or have both parents around in the evenings. If my dh is working a night-shift, the only way I could go to Tesco's once the dds are in bed (quite apart from the fact that I work at home for about 3 hours most nights once they are in bed) would be to pay a babysitter to come and look after them so that I could go out. But.. oh... I almost forgot... I actually do pay someone to look after my kids (someone qualified to do so - unlike most casual babysitters - and with whom they have a great time) during the day, thus providing me with a great opportunity to get the shopping in (if work commitments allow) without imposing Tesco's on the dds.

I'm sure the carers at ds's nursery do talk about me.
but it would be a sad view of life, if I thought that everyone did nothing but bitch about what kind of parent I am.

I used a CM when i went back to work, dd being 6/7mths. I paid for 11hrs per day to include commuting, however, dd was rarely there for 11hrs unless DH was away working and I was working. I got a half day off per week (also, have no close family and didn't know many people as had just moved to the area.) I just always picked up dd at the earliest convenience, regardless of my needs.I also did not begrudge paying the cm to retain the hours for me for emergencies. I thought stupidly that becoming a mother meant that unfortunately my needs had to take the back burner until the time when she can go to friends houses etc. That my life would revolve around her until at least she became a tad more independent and started school. I'm hearing lots of what about me, my needs.

Message withdrawn

your needs as a person should not be sublimated due to motherhood. a mother who has time to regroup, to refresh, to find time for herself is not doing herself or her children a disservice at all. there is a gulf of difference between devoting yourself to motherhood and martyring yourself ..

you are allowed and should be encouraged as a mother to have time just for yourself

childrens' needs can be met well by a parent who has done the chores./ boring jobs alone, and can then sit and play, read and draw etc with their child, rather than taking them round the supermarket if they can avoid it !