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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the parents of children who are in childcare would like to see them more often?

1008 replies

tori32 · 21/02/2008 21:46

I CM and have several sets of parents who finish work early on many occasions who never collect their child early. I know I am paid and it does not bother me in the slightest to look after them for their agreed hours, I just feel sorry for the child because they are missing out on this extra time with parents who work full time.

I was a working mum for 3 months (as in not CM) but always collected dd early when I finished early because I wanted to spend time with her. AIBU?

OP posts:
Sycamoretree · 22/02/2008 12:27

Very well said Duchesse - no two people's situation are the same - no two women have the exact same things to consider when wondering whether to go back to work FT, PT, or not at all. As I've said before on this thread - don't presume to know another persons heart or mind until you've walking in their shoes.

VictorianSqualor · 22/02/2008 12:37

Only read the OP, because I can't be botehred with all the crap in the middle I know will be slagging of WOHP's, when DS was in nursery I was a single mother, working mon-fri whilst DD was at school, on the day I finished early I used to go for a sunbed and my nails done, maybe meet someone for lunch, w/e, things I couldn't do as ME any other time.
I was paying for DS to be looked after, he was fine and happy, it was probably about one hour a week but I think I was entitled to that as it was the only time at all I got to myself.
If that's selfish then I'm selfish.

mosschops30 · 22/02/2008 12:40

have only read op, yes yabu.

And wow a whole 3 months as a working mum that mustve given you a real insight. Try 11 years and see if you pick your child up at every oppportunity.

Youre paid to do that job and have for those hours so as long as theyre not collecting late its of no concern to you

Blueskythinker · 22/02/2008 12:40

Hijack - VS, can you cat me? I have some docs for your hubby's new job

pralinegirl · 22/02/2008 12:44

This reminds me of a chat on a similar theme me and a close friend had re use of childcare on a mark warner holiday, before DH and I went. She couldn't understand why anyone would want to take their child on holiday and not spend all their time with him. But although we spent most mornings and evenings together, eating with DS every night, we did use the club in the afternoons. It meant he had time with kids his own age and we had time to slob out on sunloungers, reading books, as a couple. He loved the children's club. But I respect my friend's opinion too - she works 5 days a week not out of choice and so on holiday wants just family time. I am less laid back than her and I need time to look after my needs sometimes, so I can be a better mum and look after his well. And thats the most important thing, respect what others want to do, try to see why, that we are all different and mums spend little enough time looking after themselves - hence the prevalence of depression, anxiety and just feeling fed-up!

TigerFeet · 22/02/2008 12:46

It's all very well to day you can do everyday tasks with dc's around if you have the luxury of time. If I am in a hurry to get round the shop or drop off a parcel, I will leave dd in nursery whilst I do so. Easier for everyone.

You know, I never even considered that I would be judged by my daughter's carers for not collecting her the very second I am available. I now have something else to feel like shit about, so thanks for that

Oh, and btw to the poster who said that CM's/carers don't love their children, perhaps I ought to introduce you to a couple of dd's keyworkers who cried when she moved on, cuddled her tight and told her they loved her and they would miss her.

mosschops30 · 22/02/2008 12:49

Agree tigerfeet my CM treats my ds as one of the family as do her parents and her children.
In fact her son keeps telling me 'you know I have my lawyer on standby, I'm just waiting to get that lovely little boy'
He adores them and they adore him, its so lovely

VictorianSqualor · 22/02/2008 12:52

Bluesky, I don't have CAT, my email is fan-fkn-tastic @ hotmail . co . uk no spaces.
Thanks.

2shoes · 22/02/2008 12:58

why are you all letting the op wind you up. at the end of the day you all know you are good parents and do what is best for you and yours.
I do wonder if anyone who was trying to decide between a cm or nursery would go with nursery now after reading the op's post though.

love2sleep · 22/02/2008 13:01

I agree with TigerFeet.
We are all trying to work out how best to use the too few hours that we have each week and the last thing that any of us need is to feel that we are being judged for getting the balance wrong.

love2sleep · 22/02/2008 13:10

Oh and can I just add that I think it is completely unprofessional for a CM to put enough info on their profile to make them identifiable and then to make comments about the parents who employ them. I cannot start to explain how upset I would be if my CM made comments like this about me.

soopermum1 · 22/02/2008 13:15

lazycow, thank you for pointing out that i am not being unreasonable to not want DS, aged 4, to join in painting the lounge with me. it is messy and most of all, dangerous. twoshoes, have you tried it?

other posts seem to imply that i should either wait until he's 18 or do the painting in the 2 hours i have in the evening when DS is asleep, which would make it a marathon session, lasting weeks. not great fun for a child, either, living in a half painted house with paint, ladders, dust sheets all over the place

HappyMummyOfOne · 22/02/2008 13:19

"I do wonder if anyone who was trying to decide between a cm or nursery would go with nursery now after reading the op's post though"

Its not the first thread I have read on here that would put me off ever using a cm.

However if I was a new parent and looking into childcare for the first time this thread would have definitely have swung me to look at nurseries more.

FairyMum · 22/02/2008 13:20

I think its one of the great things about being a WHOM. Once a year I tend to take a couple of days off to spend all to myself to do exactly what I want to do which is absolutely nothing. I need to sometimes do absolutely nothing because the rest of the time I do absolutely everything.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 22/02/2008 13:22

Thats just great, lets add CM-bashing to the rest of the mix shall we.

Chequers · 22/02/2008 13:26

Message withdrawn

crace · 22/02/2008 13:32

Wait, I think it's rather unfair to start saying a childminders care isn't appropriate due to an internet forum discussion. A heated one at that.

I adore my mindees and they me, and I have very good relationships with their parents. Don't tar us all with the same brush is all I am saying.

Chequers · 22/02/2008 13:35

Message withdrawn

LoveMyGirls · 22/02/2008 13:35

Im a childminder I lvoe being with my kids and my mindee's BUT as much as i love doing thigns with them and taking them places etc etc I also enjoy it when dp takes our children out on a saturday sometimes so i can clean the house, do the food shopping, decorate, do paperwork etc I don't blame parents for wanting to get time on their own when they can and I encourage them to still bring the children if they're having a day off so they can get some stuff done.

Having said this I don't understand the parents who have booked their child for a ft spce and only work 3 full days and 2 half days yet never pick up before 6pm. BUT just because i don't understand doesn't mean it's not right.

Chequers · 22/02/2008 13:37

Message withdrawn

love2sleep · 22/02/2008 13:43

BALD
I haven't read the whole thread but from what I've seen I don't think that there has been any CM bashing here.
FWIW I have a fabulous CM and the care she provides is far better that I can imaging any nursery providing. However I do think the confidentiality issue is important. On the one hand there are many CM threads moaning about not being treated like professionals (which I agree is an important problem) but on the other hand I think the OPs post was very unprofessional and I hope her clients are not mumsnetters.

I hope this thread does not put anyone off CMS.

hennipenni · 22/02/2008 13:43

I'm a CM. As long as I get paid for the hours that the mindees are with me then I don't give a stuff whether the parents are at work or at home. It is none of my business what my mindees parents get upto in their own time.

chelsygirl · 22/02/2008 13:44

i worked in a nursery and the staff discussed the parents all the time, don't think they won't

also don't think the op deserves the flak she has got from a lot of posters, if you think you're childcarer never thinks anything about you you must realise that your wrong

SweetishP · 22/02/2008 13:45

so the basis of this thread is that Childminders are not allowed to have their own opinions or thoughts. but everyone else is allowed to judge them. (and no i am not a CM myself) and that nurseries are obviously run by people without opinions and thoughts???!!!!!???!!! (no i don't work in one either) and that working mums may not be questioned or criticised at all. and that we can all be really really bitchy to each other because no one knows who we are so character assassination is grand. long live the sisterhood!!!

Chequers · 22/02/2008 13:46

Message withdrawn

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