To think the parents of children who are in childcare would like to see them more often?

[tori32]

I CM and have several sets of parents who finish work early on many occasions who never collect their child early. I know I am paid and it does not bother me in the slightest to look after them for their agreed hours, I just feel sorry for the child because they are missing out on this extra time with parents who work full time.

I was a working mum for 3 months (as in not CM) but always collected dd early when I finished early because I wanted to spend time with her. AIBU?

Ds gets MOST upset, if I pick him up from nursery early.

My lovely childminder used to encourage me if I said I'd be finishing early to grab some child-free time. Once I went and had a long lunch with DP.

I love my children with every fibre of my being. While every fibre is frequently simultaneously shrieking for a break from them.

tori32, simple answer to your question - why don't you ASK the parents and let us know what they say?

If you don't, could it be because you Know you are judging them whilst taking money from them? Doesn't that make you feel bad in the least?

Is there anyone on Mn that gets TOO MUCH Me time ?
Thought not.

welliemum, love your post. I am going to print it out to stick on my board at work in case I forget to be Guilty about Working - and guilt, sadly, is an emotion I find difficult to summon up.

Well said Welliemum!

i couldn't be bothered to read the whole posts and i normally steer clear of these types of threads, but i agree with blueshoes,

Tori32, if it such a sincere question/concern, go tell the parents that pay for your services that you think they should pick their DCs up early when they are off from work -- you wouldn't mind forgoing the extra money as you think it would be the best thing for their DCs. You are only clearly concerned for their welfare and the overall happiness of the children you look after, soooo since you manage to do EVERYTHING with your children and happily so, surely they can to and you can open them up to a world of happy family togetherness. Oh the bliss.

Then let us know if you still have a job.

I would be horrified if my CM (i don't have one) had thoughts like this.

blueshoes. I keep forgetting to be guilty too...

wow. on the odd days when dh and i both have a day off in the week, we still leave ds in nursery for half a day and go and have coffee together! beat that for crap parenting.

Sad thing is I will need to use a childminde again in a year and a half and was certainly intending to finish work early sometimes in order to get chores done etc. I hope and assume I'm right in thinking that not all childminders are like this and will slag me off for my choices behind my back. I always thought a childminder a better choice than an after school club but maybe this needs to be rethought.

lol at Anchovy on this thread

Haven't read the entire thread, but just wanted to say sometimes my dd2 goes to childminder for the day just so I can get some housework done. Truly I am the spawn of the devil!

Is this Tori a real poster or am I hearing a bit of trip trap around here ?

I wouldn't normally bring up another thread but she was being equally rude and judgemental on this potty thread.

Please don't run off and read it, it is only about early introduction of potties which I guess most posters will think is pointless or weird. That is alright I have thick skin and I respect that people can have their own opinion

However I find it beyond rude to be told that as a 'registered nurse' she knew that pottying wouldn't and couldn't work for my child OK, better put my daughter back in nappies then after all

yabu.very.

Hey BabiesEverywhere - scary use of bold print in her posts to you eh?

LOL, PuppyMonkey

BabiesEverywhere-fwiw i dont think its pointless or weird.we did bit of ec when ds was younger.

It dpenesd on your age and stage. When I was breastfeeding I would get home as soon as possible and want to feed etc be with the baby. If they're a toddler and established with their nanny then they like their routines and it's nice not to work but have childcare sometimes as some parents arrange at weekends when one or other of them has an hour or two off whilst the children are with the other parent.

Plenty of rich housewives have full time nannies too and lots of men play golf every weekend - I bet we don't criticise them.

ahem, my kids were at nursery on their first and second birthdays - didn;t give it a moments thought til i read this!

I am a FT working mum and IF i finish early i do fetch the kids early otherwise i have to drive past nursery to get home and by time I am at home i have to come back for them....
but thats not through choice, if nursery was closer to home i would go home first.

I also work from home on occasion and send the boys to nursery anyway so that i can whizz round the house with the hoover in between work things, it's bliss having a tidy house for a few hours every month!

Good grief are people here really saying they would decorate with a toddler around. Ha Ha. I have just taken a week off to strip the wallpaper in our lounge in our very small flat and to repaint.

It took 4 days of solid work (6 hours each day with a 1 hour break for lunch) to get the paintwork washed, sanded and and painted and the wallpaer stripping done and I then had to fill and sand it all. I didn't even manage to get all the walls painted. On each of those days ds was in nursery for an admitedly slightly shorter day than usual.

Would you really suggest I keep a toddler around a very hot steam stripper and that I would have got all that done if ds were home?

When I finish work early I sometimes (proably usually) collect ds early and occasionally I don't. I also very occasionally take ds to nursery and have a day off myself.

in answer to the op I find a lot of parents just get used to their child being cared for by someone else for a lot of the time and so get used to being apart a lot and not finding it hard/unusual

Chelsygirl - I think you have a point there.

Lazycow - we have decorated with children around. There was no-one to look after them so the only other option we would have had would be not to decorate. It can be done. Sometimes it was quite funny watching a 2yo trying to climb a step ladder to strip off wallpaper (supervised of course). They love to help, too , although the bulk got done after they had gone to bed.

I posted on this thread into the wee small hours last night, and I can't believe it's still going this morning. Everyone has repeated the same valid point over and over and still the likes of Tori and Nicetry kept on their hard line of judging others. I came to the conclusion that they were simply unable, or unwilling to see it from any perspective other than their holier than though CM status or bleating SAHM martyr POV. And obviously I don't mean all SAHM's or part time workers are bleating martyrs - as many sensible posters have proved, I just mean those who obviously begrudge it so much they have to lash out and judge those who are in a different boat. Yes KM - I am talking to you!

Much as I adore my (now aged 10, 12, and 14- 3 in four years) children, and absolutely do not resent a moment I spent at home with them when they were small, with the wonderful gift of hindsight, I would, had we been able to afford it, had a nanny for them. The pure bliss of being able to anything, something, without hangers on, and to behave like a complete grown-up rather than a semi-infantilised one, is truly wonderful. Wish I had, but the lure of staying at home was too great at the time.

Yes, I did everything with them, and I do agree with whoever said that the more they are with you, the more you get used to doing things with them. Furthermore, everything becomes a learning opportunity. (hover mother alert?? I don't know- we did loads of things when the interest presented itself, not in a pressurised way)

They learned loads even from trips to the supermarket, they learned that they were not always centre-stage as we had to do certain things without them moaning, they learned to appreciate my rather odd sense of humour, they learned loads of things (like reading for example) earlier than many children. I did all this with the because I felt it was important.

I see my sister, who is a ft working single mother, behaving very differently with hers however. I can fully see why she chooses to put her children into nursery/ holiday scheme and not have them around sometimes when she is at home/ on leave, although it would truly not be my choice even now. If truth be told, I am a little jealous in hindsight of her "free time". As I said before though I am very glad that I did what I did, I would have had a nanny if money had been no object.

Bringing up children is a sodding hard job, and I doubt if anyone really wants to be with their small children 24/7 if they are honest with themselves. It's rewarding in the long term, but not very fulfilling at times (particularly the bits involving excretions and washing).

I can fully understand why people would want to delegate part of it. It is a very complicated debate, it's impossible to outline two poles within it.