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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think the parents of children who are in childcare would like to see them more often?

1008 replies

tori32 · 21/02/2008 21:46

I CM and have several sets of parents who finish work early on many occasions who never collect their child early. I know I am paid and it does not bother me in the slightest to look after them for their agreed hours, I just feel sorry for the child because they are missing out on this extra time with parents who work full time.

I was a working mum for 3 months (as in not CM) but always collected dd early when I finished early because I wanted to spend time with her. AIBU?

OP posts:
shaqpe · 22/02/2008 01:12

Forgive me for not making much sense at 1 in the morning rolls eyes g'night people

hunkermunker · 22/02/2008 01:13

I couldn't be a childminder. I hate other people's kids

bethelsie · 22/02/2008 01:16

me too. i just about tolerate mine, thats why when i get to have a couple hours me time, i grab it and run. (joke by the way)

girlfrommars · 22/02/2008 01:22

But if you don't take your DCs shopping how can you feed them grapes on the way round the supermarket?

sandcastles · 22/02/2008 02:42

This has really pissed me off & I am a SAHM! You people are PAID by these guys tpo do a job, they pay your wages & you want to tell them how to raise their kids?

I am lucky, dd never played up shopping, whether it be for food or clothes etc, but I know 2 boys who create merry hell for their mum when she shops, so I help out when I can & look after them. She can't even sit down for a cuppa without a problem, so won't bother until they are in bed. Some things are just easier, clamer & better for all done at a time when mum/dad can do it themselves.

Stop justifying youselves if you use day care. They are doing a job for you, they have NO right telling you what you should/shouldn't be doing.

shaqpe - well firstly.... So we should ALL have time off work EVERY time our child/ren has a birthday? The children should be off school on their birthday, every year? Get real!

Secondly most if not ALL childcare places charge for the child if he/she attends their days or not. They charge the full fee if you pick them up at the normal time or earlier. So if you are paying for a facility, what are you most likely to do? USE IT, no?

So freaking what if they are 'getting their money's worth' money is pretty bloody hard to come by for alot of people. I like to get my monies worth at the shops, in soft play centres, at swimming pools etc, why not at childcare.

It's like paying for the gym/season ticket for football & not using it.... a waste of money!

As for telling us that your charges mum 'shops' all day, how do you know this? She may not work, but how do you know she shops all day, have you followed her? How do you know that she doesn't have PND. Doesn't work because of a medical problem.

Who the hell are YOU to judge ANYONE who pays your fecking wages?

Get over yourself! Glad you don't look after my child!

Who incidentally was looked after at a childminders for 6 weeks when I went back to work. One day the assistant left 2 stair gates open. My daughter was just starting to crawl. She made her way through the sleeping area, through the play area, through the kitchen [where the F* were these people who were supposed to be looking after her?] up the stairs, [which were the type with no backs on] where the family dog was while the charges were present, into the bath room & was found 30 minutes after they realised she was 'missing' playing with [thankfully well sealed] bottles on the bathroom floor!

Enough said. It sickens me.

HappyMummyOfOne · 22/02/2008 07:53

Why work as a childminder if you begrudge having to look after a child that could be with its parents? Mmm maybe as you get to stay at home with your own child/children, write off most of your pay to "expenses" and be paid regardless of whether you have the child or not in holidays etc.

Those people you are talking about pay your wages. How dare you be so judgemental. You were all so keen to jump on the poster who asked why you were on mumsnet whilst looking after mindees so double standards springs to mind.

Maybe parents have jobs to do on the way home, maybe they have no family to help out with babysitting so they book an extra day.

They pay you to do a job and from posts I've read on here it seems you criticise them constantly.

I wont use a childminder for numerous reasons and I thank my lucky stars that I dont need too after reading some posts on here.

I have no help other than the after school club 3 nights a week whilst I work, the rest of the time DS is with us. It doesnt bother us and I certainly dont begrudge those who grab an hour to themselves or book a sitter for the day to get some me time. Days on end is slightly different but thats not what the OP mentioned.

HappyMummyOfOne · 22/02/2008 07:54

By "you" on the above post I mean cm's in general not a particular one, sorry if I didnt make that clear.

welliemum · 22/02/2008 07:55

Oh, I agree with the OP.

It's not enough to love your children and enjoy their company - you have to have this burning need to spend every possible waking moment with them.

It's not enough to include them in daily activities - you have to make sure you don't do any daily activities without them.

Activities which aren't safe/appropriate for little children will just have to be cancelled. Once they've grown up and left home there'll be plenty of time to cook stir-fry for dinner/get up a ladder to clear the gutters/shop for glassware.

If you're not prepared to do this, why bother having children? They will only grow up happy if they know that your needs are completely subservient to theirs.

< Pulls knickers onto head, inserts breadsticks up nostrils, and makes cuckoo noises >

cornsilk · 22/02/2008 08:19

Have only read first and last page. These childminders who are judging parents for how they spend their time need to get off their high horse. Aren't the children enjoying their time with at the childminders? Surely routine is important here as well. I know my ds freaks if I break his routine - that includes changing his routine with his childminder.

shoptilidrop · 22/02/2008 08:29

I have worked full time in the past. If i ever did finish early i did go and pick dd up. But i did my shopping online and had a cleaner and dog walker to help me. I now work part time, and in some ways its great as i get to spend a lot more time with dd. But i dont have the help anymore. So a lot of it is taken up doing housework etc... She loves her chilminder and i know has a lot of fun there, occassionally if i need to go to town for shoes or clothes, ill leave her there and go on my own. I think its better than dragging her round the shops.
Its nothing to do with loving her or wanting to spend time with her. Its about getting through life.

shoptilidrop · 22/02/2008 08:29

I have worked full time in the past. If i ever did finish early i did go and pick dd up. But i did my shopping online and had a cleaner and dog walker to help me. I now work part time, and in some ways its great as i get to spend a lot more time with dd. But i dont have the help anymore. So a lot of it is taken up doing housework etc... She loves her chilminder and i know has a lot of fun there, occassionally if i need to go to town for shoes or clothes, ill leave her there and go on my own. I think its better than dragging her round the shops.
Its nothing to do with loving her or wanting to spend time with her. Its about getting through life.

hatwoman · 22/02/2008 08:34

haven't cuaght up with everything yet but quick response to nicetry at 23.56.

interesting that you know how every cm in the country feels about their mindees and that none of them love their mindees. I wonder how it is you know how my former cm (and also my 2 former nannies) feel about dcs. Also interesting that you only seem to have one model of love. there are lots of ways to love a child. thankfully.

and I don;t find your parenting choices offensive. not in the least and I don;t know where you got that idea from. what I find offensive is your criticism of those who don;t agree.

duchesse · 22/02/2008 08:37

YABU. Maybe they like to zip around the supermarket at double-quick pace so that they can actually spend some time with their child without having to tell them to keep out of way of oncoming trolleys, stop fiddling with stuff, no you can't have that etc...

Or even...shock horror!...spend some time with each other as parents for an hour or so.

You don't seem to like parents much. This is not the first thread in which this has been apparent. I do hope all childminders aren't like you in this respect.

WaynettaSlob · 22/02/2008 08:51

Oh well I feel suitably chastised OP.
I had some time off work on Wednesday and guess what, I didn't rush home to spend it with my DCs. Do you want to know what I did instead? I had the audacity to go and get my hair cut and hilighted.
Obviously, I realise now that I shouldn't have done that, and I will apologise profusely to my nanny when I get home because obviously the DCs would have had more fun stuck with me at home than being at the beach with their friends, and of course I could always have cut into our precious family time at the weekend by spending Saturday morning having my hair done.

Oh, silly me - I forgot to ask: am I actually allowed to have my hair done? or is it only women who don't work who can do that?

Chequers · 22/02/2008 08:56

Message withdrawn

shoshe · 22/02/2008 08:56

Can i just say, I know Tori personally, she is a great Cm, she puts her heart and soul into her job, her own DD and her mindees have a great time with her, they are loved cared for stimulated, and just generally looked after so well.

and I know this shouldn't be relevant, but Tori is doing this job, at 8 months PG, today she goes onto Maternity leave, I just hope this argument does not put her off coming back after, Cm's of her caliber are hard to find.

Oblomov · 22/02/2008 08:58

LOL @ Welliemum.
Don't know why I am shocked at this thread, but I am.
I guess I forgot that everyone who meets me or ds is critical of whether I collect at 5.59pm (which I Don't) or god forbid that I should extend his normal childcare hours, ONCE, by 2 EXTRA HOURS, to selfishly go off and have a inch loss body wrap, (that didn't work).
BAD MUMMY

Mikafan · 22/02/2008 09:00

I don't think CM have a right to comment on what a parent does or doesn't do but I have to admit, I did use to pick my son up early if I could but thats just me. Surely its just an individuals choice?

LadyMuck · 22/02/2008 09:03

Shoshe, it depends on how you define a great cm doesn't it? How would her clients feel if they knew that this is how she feels about them? Frankly it has changed my view of cms, possibly irrationally. But if someone is judging and looking down on parents for the reasons that they are using their services it would worry me that that opinion doesn't somehow rub off on the children in their care.

RubySlippers · 22/02/2008 09:04

Lordy - another working mum bashing thread

Most nights I pick my son up early from his nursery (they shut at 6, and i get him at 5), some nights i don't

however, i had 2 blissful days off last week - my first days off since since September, and he stayed in nursery

i won't apologise for it, and i don't feel guilty for it

i work my arse off and wanted some me time - so shoot me.

I am not selfish for it, or a bad mother

foxinsocks · 22/02/2008 09:05

I can see it from tori's point of view tbh and I do think some people believe that if you work full time, you spend every waking hour wishing you were with your children but that's not always the case.

Being in the office just means rather than my children demanding me I have people in the office doing that and sometimes, you need a bit of head space from the office, your children, your husband, responsibilities because BELIEVE ME, when you work full time (and especially if both partners work full time), that space is blardy hard to find .

I love my children and I do miss them a lot now that I'm full time but I also miss my own space (I only have my husband around for Sundays) and if I got a chance for a few hours of it, I'd grab it with both hands.

Oblomov · 22/02/2008 09:06

I don't think the fact that OP is pregnant, has anything to do with this. So critical ? I think she needs a new job. Hopefully, one where she doesn't need an childcare.

foxinsocks · 22/02/2008 09:08

and lolol at soapbox. I hardly ever see you getting riled on here anymore!

and I don't think tori thinking what she does makes her a 'bad' childminder. She's thinking of the children - can't see anything wrong with that.

Just different strokes for different folks.

bigdonna · 22/02/2008 09:09

i look after one little girl who goes mad if her mum comes early as she loves being at my house.i get what you are saying but we all need time out.

StealthPolarBear · 22/02/2008 09:17

I'm going back to work in April and was actually looking forward to finishing an hour early once a week to get the shopping done without having to drag him round - I thought that was a good thing!
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