His debt is making me broke

[Lidale]

I feel like I can't complain about this to anyone irl so here I am.

My partner has some serious debt, which he is slowly paying off. It's not as bad as it used to he but I feel like I'm not allowed to show let alone express upset or frustration about his financial situation that is effectively mine as well.

His lack of money has always meant I have none as although I don't lend him any money I always carry more of the load than I should. I'm mentally and financially exhausted. I despair when I think about how much money I could potentionally have now if I was with someone without money baggage. It's been impossible to save any money on my end and I'm finding myself constantly in the minus.

It's important to note we have a child so it's not a case of "oh don't pick up where he leaves off" otherwise our child goes without. It's bad enough that I wear clothes with holes and that don't fit but I refuse to see my child go without.

It's so infuriating and if I was to complain about this to dp he would take it as an attack or offense so I can't. It's even the case of our future, I wonder what lies ahead for us as a family with him. We are still living with parents since we can't afford to get out. I had savings for a depoist that all went down the drain when he/we needed money for this that and the other. When I came into my savings he basically fixated all his money on his debt so I covered everything else and consequently we have none left.

I don't know when we will be able to save up and leave. When we get married we at best will be able to afford a wedding in a garden if I'm lucky. My engagement ring cos a mere 200 pounds, which is fine, had I not had to PAY FOR MY OWN RING because he couldn't afford it. He eventually paid me back in installments, a year later, after a lot of nagging and arguments.

Just feeling really down about my present and future financial aspects. He is now currently "bankrupt" and has no credit score. I'm in the minus again. When will this end.

He earns more than you, but you're financing everything and he's still not actually paying more than the very bare minimum on his debt? Have I got that right?

For goodness' sake, don't marry him. He's bleeding you dry already (and his parents), plus you've caught him lying twice, which means there are almost certainly more lies you haven't found out about yet, such as where all this money is going. Also, believe me, that ability to casually lie to you so that he can do exactly what he wants when he wants will extend beyond finances any old time he feels like it.

In your shoes, I would be squirreling money away and making plans to leave. If you leave, at least you'll only be supporting one adult and one child.

so hes putting all his icomeinto clearing his debt and he is living in your parents house rent free, eating for free, showering for free, everything for free??
and you are suffering? this man is selfish and only cares about himself the end

He contributes 70/80 percent to our food. And pays for my car insurance. I pay for everything else. And honestly paid for 99.9 percent of everything for our child since they were born.

To put it into perspective I earn around 500.

Where as he earns nearly 2 grand a month before tax.

He has only just said after years of dc that he will start contributing towards dc expenses! Imagine that. It only took me having to argue and ask.

Genuinely if I ask him to go halves for dc here and there he will but most the time I don't ask as he never can afford to.

I genuinely struggling to understand why you stay with this man. You do realise:

• you can function without him
• he's useless
• there are MUCH better men out there

my dp stole money from his dparents and they turned a blind eye from it as they thought he had good intentions since he was using the money to buy more stocks to make us rich quick

A thief to boot 😳 I can’t believe you don’t see what an absolute fool and car crash this man is. He will literally never learn his lesson.

You really need to get out of there ASAP. I agree strongly with PP who suggested a gambling addiction.

He lied to you. You can’t trust him. Dump his sponging arse.

Sometimes I just have to think why? I mean this guy is a total ducking loser

He has only just said after years of dc that he will start contributing towards dc expenses!

So effectively he’s indirectly stealing from you and your child too.

Fuck that 🧐

This 100%. You should have access to his account information as well as his credit reports. There is no reason to believe his lying has stopped. I’d see where he stands with FULL disclosure and if he has lied in any way, it’s over. Please don’t marry him. He is going to drag you right down.

Stop funding whatever it is he's doing. If you can't do something about this situation for yourself, do it for your child so they don't grow up in poverty.

Hopefully, you are living with your parents and you can just evict him.

If you are with his parents, take the baby and leave - back to your parents if you are able. The reality is you can't afford a relationship with him.

Hmmmm. This is nuts.

Absolutely this!

This man is awful. This is no life. No in answer to your question, it won't get better. His parents are as bad, this is how they are.

10k after many years! You will always be 10k down for the rest of your life with him.

So you need to leave him for you and your child. You say you will have no money or have no money to leave, well you have no money now - so what is the difference.

At least any savings in the future will be yours and your child. You will never own a house with him, you will never have any financial security, fun holidays, etc from what you post, he doest treat you with respect, he doest treat you as a real partner, he is a liar, a thief and someone who I am willing to bet has some sort of ongoing gambling or other problem that you don't know about. The amount of his supposed debt, his income and the fact you live at parents so pay no rent just don't add up.

Just leave now before your child grows up in a house full of resentment, lack of money caused by your partner, and a mum who doesn't value herself enough to leave a loser ( and I am sorry, the fact that you have to ask for payment for his child and it has taken this long to get some money - makes him a loser).

Really read all the posts and tell me why are you with him ? - He is no father, he is no partner and he certainly isn't someone I would have as a friend. You can do this, you already live on little to nothing - you will flourish and all the money you have will be yours. You sound so capable and strong, take that step see a counsellor for you, and move on with your life.

It's so infuriating and if I was to complain about this to dp he would take it as an attack or offense so I can't

This is the worst bit.

• He lied to you about money. He can lie to you about other things.
• He is financially irresponsible. He will not get better.

Either of those things alone is enough reason to LTB.

Do you really have no friends, no family who would put you and DS up for the time it took you to save a flat deposit?

This wont work -he will just get into more debt and lie about it.

Reread and saw:

We are still living with parents since we can't afford to get out.

His parents or yours? If yours, they can ask him to leave.

We are still living with parents since we can't afford to get out.

Is it his parents you live with?

Are you sure that he's paying his debts off?

It sounds like while you're paying for most things his debts are getting more and more, I can't see that he earns more than you but his debts are not decreasing by much, doesn't make sense.
He's still putting his money into something else other than paying them off.

I'd ask to see his bank statements, you really need to inorder to understand if he's telling you the truth, if he says no then stop subbing him from your pocket and seek help in finding a home for you and your DC.

Only you can choose whether you want a life living with a man that has no respect for you and your feelings or to start a fresh and build up from there.

I think you're going to have to realise that this man is using you.

He's a liar and a thief.

There are so many of these guys around who are charming at first and end up conning and bankrupting anyone they're with. Then they move on to a new target.

What do you parents and friends think about this?

Not sure why you would even consider marrying him. Is this the life you want to lead. Has he really curbed his spending habits or will he continue to see you as the bill payer. If you both still need to live with parents, are overwhelmed with his debt, living in worn out clothes, should you really be considering marriage now? I would want to see that he can be responsible financially before making any vows.

I think it really depends on whether you can realistically see a way through to the end of this.

If his debt is 10kGBP that's not insurmountable even on 1500-2000pcm living with parents should help. But he's obviously as flakey as fuck so you need to sit him down and tell him how it's going to be:
His salary goes into a joint account which he can look at but not touch. He gets a little bit of pocket money. The rest goes on the family, whatever is left can be shared between his creditors.

If he does not agree or breaks the deal down the line then get rid.

OP You're not doing yourself or your child any favours here. Perhaps reread your own posts in this thread, or get your parents to read the thread to get a perspective different to yours, and consider why you'd let yourself be such a hostage to this financially incontinent man. And you're considering making this worse by legally entangling yourself with him by getting married. Please please don't do this. He is a liar and a thief and a cheat.

Re your housing situation: I'm unsure if you're both living with one set of parents or each living with your own parents. Is it feasible for you and your child live with your parents and he looks after himself elsewhere? I'd make his contribution to your shared child formal and contact CMS to put in a claim so you/your child can be added to the list of creditors he owes - even if it's not a large amount for now. See if you can be eligible for any universal credit benefits (www.entitledto.co.uk).

He is an anchor around your feet - cut him loose for your own survival. 🌹