for refusing to eat the chips my husband cooked?

[carolnotduffy]

Hello everyone,

For background, I've been on a keto diet lately and so have been avoiding carbs altogether. I usually eat leftovers cooked by DH which are compatible with this (mixed with a little bit of ketchup and mayo if I want to add some good flavour to it, it goes well with anything in my opinion!)

Last night, DS invited a friend over for dinner. DH made steaks for himself and the kids, but overestimated exactly how many chips he needed. There were plenty left after the meal which would have been a shame to put to waste, but I explained that I could not eat them as I like to be strict with my diets. As a result, DH called me 'hypocritical' and 'misguided' in front of DS and his friend as I frequently discuss the need to be environmentally friendly and avoiding waste where possible.

What I cannot stand is that this was said in spite of the fact that he is very much aware of my diet and the reasons I have for pursuing it (personal, I don't wish to discuss if that's okay.) He went on to say that I was being a poor influence for pursuing a diet which involved such heavy restrictions in front of DS who has previously expressed troubles over his body image.

If he had a problem with it, surely he should have brought it up beforehand rather than humiliating me? I've been on this diet for a month now so I'm not quite sure why he's only now expressing his frustration. I don't expect much from this post, but I felt the need to have this off my chest.

I don’t really understand this idea of eating something or else it goes to ‘waste’ - we’re not in the 1940s.

Your body doesn’t need the chips, so why would you use it as a bin? Your DH created the waste when he overcatered, it’s not your job to dispose of that through your body.

Did you know that the vast majority of children with eating disorders have parents who are overly controlling or have very rigid eating patterns themselves. Especially if your child is already expressing body image issues I wouldn't be making food a negative talking point in the house at all. I would be requesting to your dh that you do not argue again in front of your child(ren) about food. If he has something to say say it later. I'm not saying don't eat healthy but I'd also be finding a way to eat and enjoy what the rest of the family if you're eating together. Find ways of making it carb free. Offer cauliflower rice and rice with curries/chili for example and just cheerily tell little one you like the taste more rather than bringing weight up. Perhaps really your husband is worried about the impact your eating is having on your child? You need to have a heart to heart with him really

It's easier to resist on keto though because

1. If you have too many carbs then you're going to be kicked out of ketosis, so it's not the same as someone on a low fat diet having a high fat snack for example.
2. Cravings tend to be greatly reduced or completely disappear on keto and people find that they can easily resist things they never would have been able to.

It should be easy to resist on my diet as I take Orlistat so could get nasty side effects from too much fat but I would risk it for a few homemade chips & to hell with the consequences.

Different diets suit different people. I couldn’t cope with keto for sure but my friend swears by it as he needs a diet where he doesn’t feel hungry.

Sometimes parents need to have a controlling or rigid diet though. OP hasn't said why she's on keto.

I had to go on it myself due to inflammation. Previously I always had a very balanced diet and relaxed attitude to food. I've always been slim. It wouldn't be possible to hide that I'm on keto from the kids as we all eat together and in my opinion it's better to address it rather than just say nothing about it.

This childs body image issues could be to do with social media or bullying or puberty etc, not necessarily to do with the parents.

Also something that I think is very important to note is that I've seen quite a few threads about what people think caused their weight problems in adulthood and for every person who mentions that that their parent was restrictive or talked about food negatively, there tends to be just as many if not more who said their parents never spoke about healthy food, always encouraged them to clear their plates, never restricted anything etc. and they say that that's the reason.

Completely agree that there should definitely be no arguments over it, and I personally find it very easy to eat keto with my family.
Cauliflower rice or cauliflower mash, corquette noodles instead of pasta etc.

Wonder if this is an AI post. The usual hallmarks are there: well formatted, range of different punctuation all correctly used, introduction and conclusion, and the lack of reply from OP all day. I could be totally wrong and I apologise to OP if I am! Also, if this comment breaks guidelines I apologise, let me know and I'll ask for it to be deleted. I'm not trying to troll-hunt or anything. It just suddenly struck me as very AI, like if someone had prompted "write a post about my husband critising my dietary choices" with some extra details added.

I'm sure that there are plenty on your diet who wouldn't take the risk though as they wouldn't want to deal with the consequences, and it's like that with keto too.

On your last post I thought you were agreeing that it was the polite thing to do to have a few homemade chips, but it's not impolite in any way to refuse food that could have negative consequences for you.

Apologies if that's wrong and you were agreeing with something else!

He shouldn't have said that in front of kids. And what's the problem with keeping them for later, so your son and his friends can heat them up in microwave.

Goodness me, life problems not. Be concerned about positively influencing your children, not silly squabbles.

What the hell?

Im not sure why people find it so hard to understand that when people have a particular diet style/way of eating, their rules are their rules. They dont have to make sense to someone else, they only need to make sense to them.

I am much healthier on a low carb diet. Mention that on this website/forum and you get people screaming about 'cutting out food groups' which it does not include.

As people have mentioned for those that do keto (not me) there are calcuations and ranges that one eats within, so its up to her if she does that or doesnt do that

People do like to claim that certain foods have sugar in them when they dont - see mayo, the mayo in my fridge does not have sugar in it.

Thanks for your responses everyone, I especially appreciate that people have been giving advice about my diet! Don't worry about the ketchup - I make sure to purchase brands which are compatible with my diet, and have even been making my own mayo since starting the diet! I posted OP when I was in a state of frustration... mostly needed to vent.

DH is yet to apologise for his outburst, but reading some of the responses here I am more understanding that this may have come from a place of concern. I don't wish to disclose the reasoning for my dietary choices - as much as people may disagree, I don't believe it's relevant here.

I'd also like to quickly dispel a rumour I've seen in these responses which quite frankly upset me - no, my son does not have an ED. He has only expressed insecurity about his body image in the past. Sorry if that was unclear. He also hasn't spoken much since the dinner fiasco, should I be concerned about this?

I'll make an effort to respond if I need to elaborate on anything else. Thanks again!

It wasnt unclear about your son OP, but as usual people cant help making things up about what people say.

🤣 foxes are so fussy nowadays 🙄

I think you're both out of order. He shouldn't have a go in front of your child but you also shouldn't ne talking about dieting and clearly displaying disordered eating in front of your child when they have body issues. Also keto diet isn't leftovers and ketchup so you aren't following a keto diet. It's high protein, high fat, no sugar, no carbs. You will never achieve a state of ketosis eating ketchup. Its absolutely full of sugar. The steak meal is ideal for keto with a salad containing low starchy fruit and veg. Also it makes you very constipated if you don't dramatically increase your fibre intake which is hard to do on keto due to most highly fibrous things contain sugar albeit natural ones i.e fruit or carbs ie beans and nobody could consume enough broccoli to eat over 30g of fibre a day. Also the increase in meat consumption especially red meat is not good for your bowels long term. And the worse thing about the keto diet especially doing it properly is your breathe will stink. And I mean people will take a step back from you! Also the environmental impacts of a keto diet arent great. The amount of land and water to rear sources of protein is immense. Please spend £40 on a online dietian for an hour, get your actual figures for a sustainable calorie deficit and eat the calories and eat the bloody chips! Show your child that you can eat anything you want in a healthy controlled way. I beg you to realise nothing about the keto diet is healthy or most importantly sustainable long term. Eating in a calorie deficit is easy. Once you've lost what you need to then your maintenance calories will increase and its even easier. Most fad diets especially restricted ones like keto you end up having a massive binge on stuff you want but can't have resulting in feelings of failure and more binging henceforth a weight increase. See a dietician or a PT that is qualified in nutrition and eat the bloody chips! (In moderation) we don't binge round here anymore!!

Are you absolutely 100% strict with the diet or do you slip up very occasionally? I say this as DH also went on a "keto" diet years ago and I knew he only adhered to it about 80% of the time. When very hungry or nibbly he'd occasionally grab snacks with carbs and happily eat those, however it annoyed me a bit that he always turned down things I cooked at dinner. It felt performative like he's making a point to himself to say no to carbs and using my cooking as the "scapegoat". If your DH knows you occasionally eat carbs then he might not be unreasonable to be slightly annoyed.

I know you said the ketchup you used was keto-friendly but the fact you eat food smothered with sauce "for flavour" suggests you still have significant cravings for sugar. A true keto diet trains your tastebuds entirely off sugar so you won't need ketchup of any sort.

It landed my friend in hospital with a massive hall stone. She said she felt amazing, until she didn’t.

gall stone!

What a prick. Whether your diet is healthy or not and your ds having issues with food are separate issues. Your dh is lecturing you about food waste when he's the one who cooked too much. Unbelievable gaslighting!

Im not sure why people find it so hard to understand that when people have a particular diet style/way of eating, their rules are their rules. They dont have to make sense to someone else, they only need to make sense to them.

Agree. My mum always had a comment and questioned about my way of eating yet is one of the pickiest eaters I ever known and her own way of eating wasn’t healthy either and claiming I didn’t know how to enjoy myself because I wasn’t constantly indulging in biscuits and crisps. It took her years to stop after seeing that my way of eating hasn’t had the effect she expected/wanted and maintained a healthy weight throughout.

My DH and I have separate ways of eating and we respect that. I don’t force him to eat my way and he doesn’t force me to eat his way. He knows that I struggle to eat the foods he likes and the foods I like are too light for him. Our sons end up getting a range of choices between us.

I don't think anyone suggested that your ds has an eating disorder but have rightly pointed out that the risks for it developing are there. You absolutely don't have to share why you're opting for a keto diet but I think it does matter. If it is for a serious illness or you have a dangerously high BMI then I think it's perhaps justifiable. If it's to shed a few pounds to get into your summer wardrobe then sorry but if it was me my child's mental health would come first. Whatever the reason you do come across as very anxious and invested and rigid in your thinking about food. Believe me if you aren't careful little people will notice this xx

@Theydontknowthatweknowthattheyknow

are you really suggesting that women if they have kids should never go on a diet to lose a few pounds in order to feel their best in their nice clothes and force themselves to eat chips they don’t want, in order to for their child’s mental health to ‘come first’ ?! Really?!

No
They are saying you have to be careful HOW you approach dieting around children. Especially children who have already expressed body image issues.

Keep your diet talk away from them

Sorry but I agree with DH that over-restricting food types in front of kids is never a good idea, particularly in this instance where your DS struggles with body image. Please deal with your food issues before you pass them on to your kids.

However - I think your DH should not have brought this up in front of your kid either.

Both unreasonable.

Do you want the leftover chips
no thanks
end of situation