DS breaking up with GF after trip

[Flutterflys]

My eldest DS is 19, he’s at uni but still lives at home.
In October he started dating a girl who was the friend of one of his friends flatmates at uni (a party was hosted). She was about to turn 18 but in sixth form 2 hours drive/ hour on the train away. They’ve made it work long distance, either she comes here on the weekend or he goes there, lately he’s been going to hers more as he didn’t have an uni classes on a Friday so they got more time together.
They have a massive trip planned together, Netherlands, France, Spain, Switzerland and Italy, 14 cities, 6 weeks. They leave at the start of July, back mid august.
Their hotels are non refundable mostly as are flights/trains. She has paid more especially towards hotels than DS, her family is just far better off than we are she has savings funding much of the trip.
His GF plans to go to uni in London after summer. This would be 4.5 hour drive or 2.5 hours on the train from where we are. So I asked DS if he plans to keep going down on the weekends when she’s there. This is when he told me he actually plans to breakup with her after the trip. I asked why and he told me he still loves her but the travel would be too much every week and he doesn’t want a relationship where he hardly sees the other person. He said longer term he never wants to move to London and her planned career would almost require her to be in London so it wouldn’t work.
Now I think it’s awful that he’s going to go on a six week, romantic trip with her then break up with her once she has her A-Level results.
He thinks the alternative is worse as most of the trip is non-refundable so one of them would lose out on the trip and money and the other would probably have to go alone. He said he still loves her and enjoys being with her so a last trip to have some memories will be nice. He was upset talking about it but is adamant he will break up with her as he doesn’t see it being viable.

AIBU thinking this is awful? I’m so disappointed in him it feels like he is using her for a trip now?

Isn’t that on her then? If I want to go to a place that is more than the established budget then I think I’m on the hook for the extra. As long as we’re not talking about a situation like the poor poster whose friend and travel partner suddenly changed the rules that the only wanted to spend 15€ A day on their trip, that is.

It sounds like the money was spent when the trip was booked - back before he was thinking ahead to next fall and how it would turn into a LDR if they stayed together. Not after he decided he didn't want an LDR.

The people here who are supporting his decision (or not criticising it) to end it after the holiday (while she’s holidaying with her bf in blissful ignorance) - how would you feel if your daughter (or son) was dumped straight after a six week trip together then finding out the dumping was planned before the holiday had even started? Would you think it was a low move?

Personally I think it’s a low move and if I’d gone on a six week trip with my bf only to find he’s dumped me straight after and it was planned beforehand, I’d feel humiliated and devastated not to mention absolutely furious at being taken for a mug.

I think your son should at least have a talk with her, let her know he’s feeling unsure about their relationship and then at least she can be part of the decision as to whether they should still holiday together.

There is so much uncertainty around this. He is a teenager with a plan. That doesn't mean it will happen!

He might change his mind after the trip or she could dump him at any point between now and then.

I think he is being sensible. Go on the trip, hopefully have a wonderful time and then... who knows?

This is wrong if she knew I'm sure she would choose to go with a friend instead. Rather than just staying in the relationship until after a trip mostly at her expense. Bit of a shitty thing to do he needs to be honest.

People are infantilising them because of their ages but 19 is an adult and 17 soon will be, if this had happened to me at 17 I would’ve been destroyed. Feelings don’t change because of your age.

They really do change with age. My feelings about relationship breakups then were Thank you - Next! I wanted to be as free as possible, and not tie myself to anyone.

Right??!!! I thought the exact same thing. When I started reading the commentd I had to scroll back up and re read the OP because I genuinely thought I misinterpreted the situation.

I don’t know you but surely you raised him not to be a user? This is disgusting tbh

@Flutterflys You're in a horrible situation. I know that. But one thing you - and especially your son - haven't thought of...
What happens if their chosen method of birth control fails while they're away?
He won't be casually walking away from a heartbroken 17yo then.
I'm guessing you're angry at the way he's treating her, and their relationship.
He needs to realise that females are not disposable, like a tissue you've sneezed in.
I hope you can make him see how awful that would be.

Yes, yes and yes

I don’t think so, not in the context of this thread? OP has already pointed out that the GF apparently has a lot more money and is willing to stump up the extra costs for this fabulous six-week holiday. DS has accepted her paying more, regardless of him knowing full well that he is dumping her at the end of the trip. He seems to have no problem with her shelling out the extra cash. I’d guess this will extend to the whole trip and he’ll feel exactly the same about any extra expenses along the way. It’s just not OK.

He might change his mind after the trip or she could dump him at any point between now and then.

Or on the trip itself! I'd give it until the Netherlands. France as an outside bet.

In other news my Six year old son is going to his GFs birthday party this weekend. (He's said he's kissed her.)

He's told me he's not going to marry her because he wants to marry me.

He clearly has no long term commitment to the relationship, it's a disgrace.

She can't just switch and go with a friend as he has paid for his flights and a fair chunk of the accommodation. Most of that is likely not refundable for him to get his money back and then her to book with a friend.

I think this is off actually. He basically knows it’s the last holiday etc as he’s made his mind
up… she had no clue. It’s poor behaviour.

I totally agree with this.

And it's probably a very common occurrence.

I did it to guy I was dating when I was in Uni… I spent a semester abroad and realized that I wanted to break up with him. Didn’t because he had planned a trip to visit (and I felt bad). He came to visit and we had a 2 week trip together, I about dumped him in Heidelberg, (but didn’t because I felt bad), I finished the trip and he went home…still didn’t break up with him (because I felt bad), finally broke up with him when I returned home.

I wasn’t using him him although we did have sex, he paid for stuff, I paid for stuff, in hindsight I probably would have had a lot more fun had I broken up with him before I left, but at the end of the day it was going to happen sooner or later and the planned trip just made it difficult. There was really no ‘right time’ to do it.

OMG are sooooooo funny 🙄

We need a sweepstake on when and where Romeo and Juliet will break up.

My bet is he'll bottle it and (reluctantly) stay with her in a LDR and she'll dump him in the second term.

I disagree. He knows he is going to dump her. She might want to treat a boyfriend to a meal or activity but if it was me I'd feel totally taken advantage of I spent money on someone and then got dumped straight after. He's using her and being dishonest.

That’s my guess too … chances are she’ll want to do it sooner but won’t.

Excellent. I split up with my "boyfriend" when I was six because he didn't like plum crumble and custard in the school dinner queue and said I shouldn't have it either, and he would split up with me if I had it. I chose the dessert.

Are you okay?? He’s DUMPING her afterwards, that’s the whole point.

Teenagers or not, people have different budgets when they want to go away on a trip. Some budgets are quite similar and some are quite different. If he’s said ‘I can only spend X amount’ and she’s said ‘I’ll double your amount and put X in because I can afford it,’ then fine.

What isn’t fine is him still going on this holiday that she’s paying more for and then dumping her after. That really is freeloading off of someone else. He’s said he hasn’t spoken to her about how he feels because he thinks she may cancel the trip. Yeah no shit Sherlock. He’s more or less taking advantage of her money then ditching her, whatever his reasons are.

Awful stuff

X posted but yes exactly this

Amazing that your young sons came out of the womb fully formed as perfect humans. Pity their parent didn't. They grew judgemental and scathing

I think it’s less about the extra she’s spending on hotels and more about him losing on the money he’s already sunk into the trip.