To be put out that my friend is asking me to pay her money?

[Sundaycoffee]

I was given a very nice perk through work for myself and a plus one for an all expenses paid trip, it included hotel, all food and drink and entertainment for the value of £400 per person and I chose to take a particualr friend. My friend kindly drove us there and back (Bristol to London). She text me today asking me to transfer her half of the petrol money for the trip (£20)
AIBU to think if someone had done the same for me I would let the petrol money slide?

You chose the wrong person to share this experience with.

Give her the shitty £20 and never gift her so much as a penny again. Don’t even treats the grasping bitch to a coffee.

No more birthday cards or presents, or Christmas or nothing.

The problem with this though is that it's hard to measure how hard someone works; there are a great many jobs that would never offer this kind of perk (or any perks at all really) but the people doing them still work incredibly hard and it's entirely possible that many of them work harder than you do. Now all power to you OP, you're clearly very good at what you do and good for you being in such a position, but I don't think this argument holds up as a reason why you should be any more deserving of something than someone else; it just happens that you're in the kind of role that made it possible.

In this instance, from Bristol, at a cost of £40.

Yes, getting into the nitty gritty if you like, it would depend on where you were driving from. Let's say Istanbul for instance, you'd probably come to some other arrangement where the receipient of the kindness still showed a gesture in return. I don't know, let's say a Pret Chicken Salad Sandwich and a brownie and a copy of Tatler from WH Smith in Dover, how about that?

To make it even worse, £400 wasn’t the cost between them, it was £400 per person!

Guess the OP will be taking a different friend if she gets another perk like this, as this one obviously wasn’t very grateful for her all expenses paid break.

YABU unless you come back and tell us her financial situation.

It'd be for £400 as it was £400 per person

YANBU on the surface of things but I am curious to delve deeper - what was the perk over entertainment and did she equally value this or was she doing you a favour more to go with you to how she would see it? Often the money doesn't always matter over value of the event. It might not have been something she particularly wanted to do and you did but ok enough to go along and thought reasonable to split costs when she was driving.

Initially I was all CF but actually, thinking about it, you’ve both had a wonderful free city break, it was given to you OP, and you chose to share it with her, so both have a lovely free trip, except friend has driven, and paid for that.
I do think you should pay half. How you got the trip is no concern to your friend, it’s just a lovely free break for you both.

What, you get something for free, you ask a particular person along because you'll enjoy their company and think they'll enjoy it as well - and expect them to pay transport while you have the whole experience free?

It really doesn't matter if and how much OP paid for it. She had somethng worth 400 quid that she gave to her friend for free. The friend got a 400 (ok 380) quid freebie.

Yes, she had, but then by your argument she's expected to pay for the "honour" of being the chosen one. It just doesn't sit right with me. It's conferring monetary value onto a friendship. Just offer the nice thing with no strings attached and just split any additional costs. Like a good friend would. It's up to the receiver to show thanks "for being chosen" in any way they choose/can manage. If all they can manage is to pay their own half share of the unexpected petrol cost, and utter a really really heartfelt genuine verbal thankyou and appreciation at being asked, then why, if OP was a genuine friend, would that not be enough appreciation?

This whole thing reminds me of those timeshare scandals. Get a holiday paid for but you end up paying out all sorts that you hadn't bargained for.

I’d reply saying your half is £200. So if you just transfer me £180…. We will call it quits.

Yes, that's what I see as good manners. Nobody taking anything for granted.

CurlyhairedAssassin · Today 21:26
MasterBeth · Today 21:03

BECAUSE SHE HAD CHOSEN HER FOR A £400 CITY BREAK?
Show quote history

Yes, she had, but then by your argument she's expected to pay for the "honour" of being the chosen one. It just doesn't sit right with me. It's conferring monetary value onto a friendship. Just offer the nice thing with no strings attached and just split any additional costs. Like a good friend would. It's up to the receiver to show thanks "for being chosen" in any way they choose/can manage. If all they can manage is to pay their own half share of the unexpected petrol cost, and utter a really really heartfelt genuine verbal thankyou and appreciation at being asked, then why, if OP was a genuine friend, would that not be enough appreciation?

This whole thing reminds me of those timeshare scandals. Get a holiday paid for but you end up paying out all sorts that you hadn't bargained”

Yea, this.

Some people on here were raised by wolves.

OP didn’t get it “for free”, she got it in recognition of her hard work. Who knows what that was - perhaps many hours of unpaid overtime, or anti social hours, or travelling around the country, or working weeks without a break? None of which her friend did, and she benefitted entirely. If she couldn’t afford the fuel she should have politely declined.

OH!! Even better - her balance is £380 🥂

Yes, pay for the fuel, because one is not a tightwad and one wants to be kindly invited to nice things more than once. Or you can ask for the fuel and see how many times she gets invited on FOC trips. Spoiler, not many.

So what if the friend expects OP to expense the fuel, that still doesn't address that she's been happy to go on an optional jolly and has shown no acknowledgement of the kindness she's received.

Manners, people.

The fact she has a better car than OP, she does not seek to be struggling financially. But if she is, she should have mentioned that before the trip.

Short-sighted to assume that as the friend has the better car she must not be struggling financially. Perhaps she's got the car on finance and is paying hundreds out every month.

Jeez, some people just don't seem to have any inkling that people's financial situations might not be anything like how their own is.

OP didn’t get the trip for nothing as some of you are claiming. She put the work in (I’m guessing over a long period of time and worth a damn sight more than £40) and was rewarded for it.

I couldn’t imagine being given such a generous gift and having the cheek to ask for petrol money. I’d have driven, paid for fuel and sent you a bouquet of flowers afterwards as a thank you. Embarrassing and grabby behaviour from the friend.

If you are skint to the point that you can't afford to shell out for some associated costs, ie bits and bobs on the way there and back, possible cabs while in town etc, then you shouldn't accept the invitation as you're not able to contribute, which is rude.

If this was the case due to her financial situation, she should have declined and said that she was absolutely broke at the mo, not even fifty quid to pay for the petrol, sorry, take someone else but thanks for the invite.

Exactly this.

It shouldn't need spelling out, but I'm glad you did.

So cringe. Does she have form for this?

Sweet Jesus if this was me no matter how hard done I am there is no way I would ask for the 20e back. there was a reason you picked this friend wasn't there ? Good company ? did she have to put her hand in her pocket at all over the weekend? does she have children she had to arrange to be minded? more details please. but if it was me I would be horrified. I would pay and then drop her. my sister has a company car. with no limit on fuel. she aways offers to drive if we go anywhere. it's a nicer car too. it's a perk of her job and she works hard for it. if she does long driving etc we pay for lunch coffee etc and even sent her flowers after one long drive to a funeral and yes if someone gave me a free ticket I would offer to pat for their train ticket or dinner..its called manners.

Honestly depends. If she's skint £40 isn't insignificant. £20 is a lot when broke. I've been the one who has had to ask before and it's awful but it was that or not eat.

I would just reply with the 😱

Tbh even if it was possible for expense it, that's when you just leave it and think I won't hassle her after she picked me.

So so so rude!! Unless she is young and on the poverty line struggling to pay bills or feed herself (in which case she should have let you know in advance she couldn't afford the petrol there so you could decide whether or not to offer to split it)