Page 27 | To be put out that my friend is asking me to pay her money?

Sundaycoffee · 2023-06-12T19:15:03+00:00

I was given a very nice perk through work for myself and a plus one for an all expenses paid trip, it included hotel, all food and drink and entertainment for the value of £400 per person and I chose to take a particualr friend. My friend kindly drove us there and back (Bristol to London). She text me today asking me to transfer her half of the petrol money for the trip (£20) AIBU to think if someone had done the same for me I would let the petrol money slide?

ThroughGraceAlone · 14/06/2023 14:55

BadNomad · 14/06/2023 13:36

Gestures are made, not assumed. Did the friend assume the OP would take her on the trip, or did the OP offer it? It would have been nice for the friend to cover the travel costs, but the OP shouldn't have assumed that she would.

Yeah, exactly. While I fully agree that the socially acceptable thing to do is offer a gift/token of appreciatioon for the trip, OP decided the gift for the friend. She was like, 'yeah in return for paying for the trip, you'll pay my travel expenses!' That's not how this work. Friend decides what she's willing to give and if she doesn't, that reflects on her. BUt this unfortunately reflects bad on op.

Aprilx · 14/06/2023 15:06

Kiwano · 14/06/2023 14:55

OP didn't get it for free, though. She got it as a reward for her hard work. Presumably if the employer wasn't offering this her pay would be a bit higher. If she hadn't put in the work, friend wouldn't have gone on the trip. If friend didn't want to put her hand in her pocket at all, she should either have refused to go or warned OP so that OP could have asked someone else. Apart from anything else, friend seems clearly to be overcharging on petrol.

Show quote history

She said it was a perk didn’t she? Not a reward for hard work. If this was compensation for hard work, then it should have been declared as a benefit on P11d.

MyTruthIsOut · 14/06/2023 15:42

Ferferksake · 14/06/2023 14:54

Oooh this CF takes CFery to a new level! Olympic standard!

To those of you saying "well you got it for free anyway". It was a reward for work done. If it had been a cash bonus would her friend have been entitled to half of it?

@Sundaycoffee literally gave her friend a gift worth £400 and the friend has basically asked for £20 towards her petrol money for going to collect it. My gob has not been so severely smacked in years.

Of course the friend wouldn’t have been entitled to half of a cash bonus, just like she wasn’t entitled to this trip either. It’s hardly like the friend demanded the OP take her so I don’t know how your analogy works?!

The OP offered her friend the opportunity to join her on an event that her workplace had put on. No expense was occurred by the OP. The friend however is £40 out of pocket.

Kiwano · 14/06/2023 15:47

Aprilx · 14/06/2023 15:06

She said it was a perk didn’t she? Not a reward for hard work. If this was compensation for hard work, then it should have been declared as a benefit on P11d.

Show quote history

Employers don't tend to give that sort of perk to underperforming employees.

Kiwano · 14/06/2023 15:57

MyTruthIsOut · 14/06/2023 15:42

Of course the friend wouldn’t have been entitled to half of a cash bonus, just like she wasn’t entitled to this trip either. It’s hardly like the friend demanded the OP take her so I don’t know how your analogy works?!

The OP offered her friend the opportunity to join her on an event that her workplace had put on. No expense was occurred by the OP. The friend however is £40 out of pocket.

Show quote history

But friend has had the benefit of a weekend away which she presumably wanted to go on, otherwise she wouldn't have said yes, with the hotel, food and drink and entertainment thrown in.

I can't imagine accepting an expensive present and then claiming that it had left me out of pocket by a fraction of its cost and the donor must refund me. If a friend offered you, say, a brand new TV with all the frills and you said yes, would you expect said friend to pay for the electricity the TV uses in order to operate?

Hayfeverie · 14/06/2023 15:57

Definitely make out that you think she's joking... "brilliant 😂😂😂"

LizzieW1969 · 14/06/2023 16:11

If I was in the OP’s friend, I wouldn’t have asked for petrol expenses, as I would have been really grateful for the invitation; therefore the petrol costs wouldn’t have bothered me. And it was poor manners on the friend’s part to bring it up IMO.

However, if I was the OP, I would have offered to contribute towards the petrol costs. Because, as some PPs have pointed out, if they had travelled by train, they would both have paid for their tickets. So why should the friend pay all the petrol costs?

So I’m on the fence with this one.

Bookworm20 · 14/06/2023 16:18

Some of these replies! 😮

I can't believe there are sooooo many CF's out there!

Its a bit like I keep hearing, "well if I have to go on this £400 break with you, then I suppose I will, but as a favour you understand because you got it for free. So you'll need to pay my transport there and back. I'm not going to put myself out you realise, for the opportunity to enjoy an all exepnses paid trip. because you got it for free, so why should I pay anything at all? Even though I'm enjoying an all expenses paid trip for free which was yours. But its a favour on my part afterall, you'd of had no one to go with. And you got it free. And I'm doing the driving, so why should I be out of pocket. This amazing all expenses paid trip, but it didn't cost you anything, so i'm not going to spend even a £20 on you as a thankyou or to get us there because i'm doing you a favour for going on it.and you got it for free. you got it for free, you didn't pay for it or EARN it, you got it for free. so you owe me 20 quid."

Op, most normal people would be very grateful, would offer to drive and not even enter their head as a thought of asking you for petrol contribution. And would also be taking you out for a meal or buying you a small gift as a thankyou for taking them on what I can only imagine was a fabulous weekend.

I think i'd just reply to her 'Sorry, I must of misunderstood when you said you'd drive/agreed to drive. It was a fab weekend! So glad you were able to come and benefit from that whole experience with me. I'll sort that 20 quid out then and transfer it across.

And then never ask her to join you on any future perks you may get.

LovelyLisa2 · 14/06/2023 16:33

I would ask for money. X

aperolspritzbasicbitch · 14/06/2023 16:38

This thread is going to drive me insane!

Did OP reply?
Did she send the money without further comment?
Has her friend seen it on the Mirror website?

It should be mandatory for updates to be given 🤣

Gymgoingfool · 14/06/2023 16:39

Ferferksake · 14/06/2023 14:54

Oooh this CF takes CFery to a new level! Olympic standard!

To those of you saying "well you got it for free anyway". It was a reward for work done. If it had been a cash bonus would her friend have been entitled to half of it?

@Sundaycoffee literally gave her friend a gift worth £400 and the friend has basically asked for £20 towards her petrol money for going to collect it. My gob has not been so severely smacked in years.

Um the friend was invited, she didn’t feel entitled to the trip.,lol

Gymgoingfool · 14/06/2023 16:42

Bookworm20 · 14/06/2023 16:18

Some of these replies! 😮

I can't believe there are sooooo many CF's out there!

Its a bit like I keep hearing, "well if I have to go on this £400 break with you, then I suppose I will, but as a favour you understand because you got it for free. So you'll need to pay my transport there and back. I'm not going to put myself out you realise, for the opportunity to enjoy an all exepnses paid trip. because you got it for free, so why should I pay anything at all? Even though I'm enjoying an all expenses paid trip for free which was yours. But its a favour on my part afterall, you'd of had no one to go with. And you got it free. And I'm doing the driving, so why should I be out of pocket. This amazing all expenses paid trip, but it didn't cost you anything, so i'm not going to spend even a £20 on you as a thankyou or to get us there because i'm doing you a favour for going on it.and you got it for free. you got it for free, you didn't pay for it or EARN it, you got it for free. so you owe me 20 quid."

Op, most normal people would be very grateful, would offer to drive and not even enter their head as a thought of asking you for petrol contribution. And would also be taking you out for a meal or buying you a small gift as a thankyou for taking them on what I can only imagine was a fabulous weekend.

I think i'd just reply to her 'Sorry, I must of misunderstood when you said you'd drive/agreed to drive. It was a fab weekend! So glad you were able to come and benefit from that whole experience with me. I'll sort that 20 quid out then and transfer it across.

And then never ask her to join you on any future perks you may get.

This reply though 😂

MyTruthIsOut · 14/06/2023 16:44

Kiwano · 14/06/2023 15:57

But friend has had the benefit of a weekend away which she presumably wanted to go on, otherwise she wouldn't have said yes, with the hotel, food and drink and entertainment thrown in.

I can't imagine accepting an expensive present and then claiming that it had left me out of pocket by a fraction of its cost and the donor must refund me. If a friend offered you, say, a brand new TV with all the frills and you said yes, would you expect said friend to pay for the electricity the TV uses in order to operate?

Show quote history

We are going to have to agree to disagree 👍

Hippyhippybake · 14/06/2023 16:47

The idea that the friend is £40 out of pocket is just insane. She had a wonderful (and valuable) treat which the op was generous enough to share with her and her only outlay was just £40.

You have to be mean minded to think of an outing like that in terms of what it cost your friend / host rather than the benefit to you in terms of fun and enjoyment.

I’ve had a couple of instances lately where friends have treated me similarly to something (wonderful) they get for free. I responded by paying for all the food and drink for the day and sending a framed photo of the occasion as a thank you. It’s called friendship.

BettyBoopBetty · 14/06/2023 16:53

I wouldn't have asked you for those £20 if I was your friend, no.

But I would have offered to split the cost of the petrol if I were you as you haven't technically paid for this weekend out of your pockets whilst your friend has.

There is two ways to look at this really, but I do appreciate that it seems a bit strange and off putting to get a message from her asking you to pay her back.

Windbeneathmybingowings · 14/06/2023 16:59

Hippyhippybake · 14/06/2023 16:47

The idea that the friend is £40 out of pocket is just insane. She had a wonderful (and valuable) treat which the op was generous enough to share with her and her only outlay was just £40.

You have to be mean minded to think of an outing like that in terms of what it cost your friend / host rather than the benefit to you in terms of fun and enjoyment.

I’ve had a couple of instances lately where friends have treated me similarly to something (wonderful) they get for free. I responded by paying for all the food and drink for the day and sending a framed photo of the occasion as a thank you. It’s called friendship.

I said this before but she didn’t have to buy dinner or breakfast for the time she was there so she’s defo on the plus!

Windbeneathmybingowings · 14/06/2023 17:02

I also just interested, to all of those who would ask for the money - do you friends often take you away, or buy you gifts, or bring over things they know you like etc. my friends do this all the time… I’m sure if I asked for money each time, it would stop pretty sharpish!

my friend is taking me to a spa next month, OF COURSE i will drive because why would I make money out of kindness.

Coolhwip · 14/06/2023 17:06

Windbeneathmybingowings · 14/06/2023 17:02

I also just interested, to all of those who would ask for the money - do you friends often take you away, or buy you gifts, or bring over things they know you like etc. my friends do this all the time… I’m sure if I asked for money each time, it would stop pretty sharpish!

my friend is taking me to a spa next month, OF COURSE i will drive because why would I make money out of kindness.

No doubt they’ll say yea, but I doubt it.

I have a friend who never offered petrol money and who doesn’t drive.

I now don’t drive us much at all, I just drop her back at night because she lives a few miles away.

But no more 2/3/4 hour drives.

Grrrrdarling · 14/06/2023 17:14

BMW6 · 12/06/2023 20:20

You reply

"WTAF? I take you along on this and you have the fucking nerve to try and get petrol money out of me? FOTTFSOFAWYGTFOSM"

"You could have declined my invitation you cheap fucker"

😡

@BMW6 Your reply is spot on.
The absolute CF’ery of the ‘friend’ is astounding.
If said friend is that hard up for fuel she should have mentioned that she’d need money towards that before agreeing to accompanying her friend on the trip!

Delectable · 14/06/2023 17:51

Absolutely! Sneaky to keep mute about requiring payment when she agreed to drive and still not stipulate her condition for driving till after the trip was over. She should be sending you a gift!

Windbeneathmybingowings · 14/06/2023 19:34

Coolhwip · 14/06/2023 17:06

No doubt they’ll say yea, but I doubt it.

I have a friend who never offered petrol money and who doesn’t drive.

I now don’t drive us much at all, I just drop her back at night because she lives a few miles away.

But no more 2/3/4 hour drives.

Show quote history

I know! Can you imagine! Thanks for the spa break but it cost me £3.56 to drive here so I’ll just have that back and be on my way.

OP effectively bought her mate dinner annd drinks every night that weekend and that’s without the extras of staying in the hotel, and freebie friend wants reimbursing. Top bastard imo. Now friendless top bastard.

MrsJHarker · 14/06/2023 19:47

Windbeneathmybingowings · 14/06/2023 19:34

I know! Can you imagine! Thanks for the spa break but it cost me £3.56 to drive here so I’ll just have that back and be on my way.

OP effectively bought her mate dinner annd drinks every night that weekend and that’s without the extras of staying in the hotel, and freebie friend wants reimbursing. Top bastard imo. Now friendless top bastard.

Show quote history

😂

The friend needs to stop being tight and get OP some flowers not demand £20.

SchoolShenanigans · 14/06/2023 19:56

She's definitely a CF. But I wonder if it could be down to communication.

Did you say something like "I've got a free trip with work, all we have to cover is the travel". She may then think you're both paying for travel, therefore split the £40.

It's cheeky and ungrateful of her for sure. But equally it's possible she's not intending to be tight but just interpreting the situation in a different way.

I agree, if it's a perk for your work, you should definitely benefit but I guess you'd have to pay to travel if you chose a friend who didn't drive or if you went on your own, so £20 isn't worth falling out over.

If just pay it and move on.

HandsupSue · 14/06/2023 19:57

What’s missing is…. Is this friend usually tight with money? Or did this come as a complete surprise to the OP

Tigermearns · 14/06/2023 20:27

If she was such a good friend, as soon as her car was suggested as the vehicle of choice because you've already stated her car was better suited for the motorway than yours, I'd have offered to half the petrol costs. Then this all inclusive trip would've cost both of you £20 each.
I don't think she's being tight or cheeky. It isn't gifting a free trip to her if you're lumbering her with the travel costs after YOU invited her...
Cannot believe everyone who thinks she'd owe you £400 when you didn't have to put your hand in your pocket for anything and had someone else drive you there...