Page 26 | To be put out that my friend is asking me to pay her money?

Sundaycoffee · 2023-06-12T19:15:03+00:00

I was given a very nice perk through work for myself and a plus one for an all expenses paid trip, it included hotel, all food and drink and entertainment for the value of £400 per person and I chose to take a particualr friend. My friend kindly drove us there and back (Bristol to London). She text me today asking me to transfer her half of the petrol money for the trip (£20) AIBU to think if someone had done the same for me I would let the petrol money slide?

Amtheyest17 · 14/06/2023 13:25

MrsJHarker · 14/06/2023 13:21

@Amtheyest17 it doesn't matter that OP got paid for her job. She earned the perk as well.

Right? And she chose to take someone with her - she could’ve gone alone and paid £40 for travel. I actually saw the only reason her friend drove was because she has a better car. Would be interested to know if OP had driven whether she would’ve asked for half or all petrol costs back. Or on the other hand whether the friend would’ve offered!!

FFF3 · 14/06/2023 13:28

People are missing the point - it’s not about cost and it’s irrelevant that the OP was £0 out of pocket. She had a free trip, and she could choose to take anyone she wanted. She chose this friend, indicating how much she values the friendship, choosing her over anyone else. The friend writing off the petrol cost would have been the equivalent gesture - especially since she benefited from such a perk as a result of the OP’s hard work (which after all, is worth more than £0!).

MrsJHarker · 14/06/2023 13:31

Amtheyest17 · 14/06/2023 13:25

Right? And she chose to take someone with her - she could’ve gone alone and paid £40 for travel. I actually saw the only reason her friend drove was because she has a better car. Would be interested to know if OP had driven whether she would’ve asked for half or all petrol costs back. Or on the other hand whether the friend would’ve offered!!

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It's hard to say because we don't know if OP has got a lot of friends and chose friend because she thought she deserved a treat or if OP had no-one else to take.

I have quite a few friends so I'm thinking that to be chosen would be lovely and I would want to give something for being chosen.

MrsJHarker · 14/06/2023 13:32

FFF3 · 14/06/2023 13:28

People are missing the point - it’s not about cost and it’s irrelevant that the OP was £0 out of pocket. She had a free trip, and she could choose to take anyone she wanted. She chose this friend, indicating how much she values the friendship, choosing her over anyone else. The friend writing off the petrol cost would have been the equivalent gesture - especially since she benefited from such a perk as a result of the OP’s hard work (which after all, is worth more than £0!).

That's where my thoughts are.

burnoutbabe · 14/06/2023 13:34

The number of people you can take on a weekend away, sharing a room, maybe a bed? Is surely not unlimited!

I can only think of 2-3 myself.

MinnieGirl · 14/06/2023 13:35

So we are up to 26 pages……
What happened?!
OP, have you spoken to her? Has she asked again? Have you paid her?

For what it’s worth, I think she is a cheeky moo. She got to enjoy a lovely trip free of charge that definitely cost more than £20…. I do hope you haven’t paid her and told her she was being cheeky.

BadNomad · 14/06/2023 13:36

Gestures are made, not assumed. Did the friend assume the OP would take her on the trip, or did the OP offer it? It would have been nice for the friend to cover the travel costs, but the OP shouldn't have assumed that she would.

MrsJHarker · 14/06/2023 13:36

burnoutbabe · 14/06/2023 13:34

The number of people you can take on a weekend away, sharing a room, maybe a bed? Is surely not unlimited!

I can only think of 2-3 myself.

I can think of quite a lot more than 3. I have quite a lot of female friends.

Amtheyest17 · 14/06/2023 13:37

MrsJHarker · 14/06/2023 13:31

It's hard to say because we don't know if OP has got a lot of friends and chose friend because she thought she deserved a treat or if OP had no-one else to take.

I have quite a few friends so I'm thinking that to be chosen would be lovely and I would want to give something for being chosen.

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I agree there’s all sorts of context that could be added in order to slightly change opinions!

Me personally, I would have covered the petrol being the friend but probably would have also offered being the OP. I am trying to put myself in the OPs position at whether I would be offended if they had asked before I got round to offering and im now not sure… I think it would depend on who it is for me!!! I have a friend who earns a quarter of my salary so wouldn’t be offended but I also have a friend who earns double, and will literally ask for a £1 back.

howlismoving · 14/06/2023 13:38

@Astrabees she wouldn't have to ask for the price of the ticket because the travel cost would already have been split fairly if they both bought their own tickets

Astrabees · 14/06/2023 13:44

But it would have cost the friend a lot more!

HandsupSue · 14/06/2023 13:46

Amtheyest17 · 14/06/2023 13:23

I didn’t actually explain my rationale.. but I will seeing as you’re so interested & don’t understand simple maths 😉

If I spend £20 on a raffle ticket and win an £800 prize. That’s cost me £20 - I’ve put money in to that weekend. I would personally never ask for the money back BUT my point was I could understand why that kind of scenario would leave OP £40 out of pocket and be annoyed when her friend is only £20 (had she paid the petrol) But the weekend cost OP nothing.

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Still daft 😂

Verv · 14/06/2023 13:51

"Sure, knock it off your half of the trip"

JustHereWithMyPopcorn · 14/06/2023 13:52

I'd pay her and then never invite her on anything similar again. Yes, it didn't cost you anything to go but it's just poor manners to ask for petrol money off you.

Kyliemichelletaylor · 14/06/2023 13:53

Wow - staggering. Your friend is ludicrous

dodofofo · 14/06/2023 13:55

I was in a situation where a friend was desperate to go to a certain event but it wasn't my thing & it was quite inconvenient for me in terms of health issues & PTO. I said I really can't afford it either so I'm really sorry, can't go etc.

I knew she was desperate to go and couldn't go alone so I went with her on the agreement that she pays for it. For her & lots of other people it would be seen as a very lavish & wonderful way to spend money whereas I felt almost guilty like it was "wasted" on me. Part of the health issue which made it difficult for me to go meant that I also couldn't eat much when we had meals. I couldn't drink either. I hated it all but my friend loved it so that was worth it.

It was a significant amount of money she spent on me & I came home feeling like I needed a break and or therapy. I felt so guilty but I ended up having to spend about £100 during this trip which was a huge amount to me at the time. I really begrudged spending it but never asked her to split with me because I value our friendship.

In this case, OP, I would be annoyed at being asked for petrol money because they had a lovely time but I also kind of get it. If the understanding was it was all included, the amount spent on petrol might have been what's tipped your friend over the edge money wise.

Smallbirdgreengrass · 14/06/2023 14:02

Preps · 12/06/2023 20:24

TBH if the trip was all expenses paid so hasn't cost you anything, I'd have probably offered petrol money in your shoes. I definitely wouldn't have asked for it in her shoes though.

OOI how did she come to be doing the driving?

This

SplendidUtterly · 14/06/2023 14:27

Your CF "friend" can go fuck right off asking you for £20 when she has just had a free weekend away. Go on your own next time OP.

00100001 · 14/06/2023 14:28

bung her the £20 then claim £58 in work expenses ha ha

Nam23 · 14/06/2023 14:41

Well if I'm reading this right you got the trip for free from work but your friend paid for petrol, so yes you should give her half. The cost of the trip didn't come out your pocket.

Lalalalala555 · 14/06/2023 14:42

Sundaycoffee · 12/06/2023 20:31

No particular back story, just a better car than mine for motorway driving was the reason.

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Just say no.
Don't reason why.
Let her think about it for herself.

Should work out from there.
Either it will not be a problem and she'll leave it (because she will realise you've just given her an all expenses trip or because your friendship is worth more to her) OR she will kick up a fuss and explain her logic - if the latter you can figure from there what to do.

ThroughGraceAlone · 14/06/2023 14:49

BillyNoM8s · 12/06/2023 22:13

So many people aren't addressing the fact that many of us would expect to split any residual costs though? Even if we are the gifter.

If I take my friend on a freebie then we both benefit by having a cheaper trip and spending time together. Why would I begrudge spending a whole £20 for a weekend away with my friend. I don't think my friend should feel like she should have to pay £40 for the mere honour of being invited somewhere by me? My friend coming with me is as much a favour as me taking her.

If I really wanted a weekend away with my favourite friend and she couldn't afford it, I'd pay for the whole thing anyway. I like my good friends. We wouldn't bitch and bicker about £20.

My friend isn't my employer. She doesn't need to give me career recognition.

Finally some sense! Exactly, it is really odd that you wouldn't offer petrol money. It really sounds as if you think your friend owes you one. You got something for free and don't even want to pay 20 quid towards it. Granted, I would not have asked for the money back, but find it very cringey that you would cause your friend to be out of pocket and then have this whole "i gave her a free holiday, she should be thankful!" Friendship isn't a tit for a tat. It should have been ' wow we only have the expense of petrol'. Not 'I gave my friend xyz'. To be frank if I were the friend I wouldn't want to come again if I knew by accepting an invitation I have to feel like I'm in your debt. I have lovely friends who does things for me as I for them. It is horrid being in friendships who keeps tabs.

ThroughGraceAlone · 14/06/2023 14:52

Any behaviour on friends side aside, I'm so amazed you didn't offer travel money in the first place. You 2 deserve each other. You seem equally as tightfisted

Ferferksake · 14/06/2023 14:54

Oooh this CF takes CFery to a new level! Olympic standard!

To those of you saying "well you got it for free anyway". It was a reward for work done. If it had been a cash bonus would her friend have been entitled to half of it?

@Sundaycoffee literally gave her friend a gift worth £400 and the friend has basically asked for £20 towards her petrol money for going to collect it. My gob has not been so severely smacked in years.

Kiwano · 14/06/2023 14:55

ThroughGraceAlone · 14/06/2023 14:49

Finally some sense! Exactly, it is really odd that you wouldn't offer petrol money. It really sounds as if you think your friend owes you one. You got something for free and don't even want to pay 20 quid towards it. Granted, I would not have asked for the money back, but find it very cringey that you would cause your friend to be out of pocket and then have this whole "i gave her a free holiday, she should be thankful!" Friendship isn't a tit for a tat. It should have been ' wow we only have the expense of petrol'. Not 'I gave my friend xyz'. To be frank if I were the friend I wouldn't want to come again if I knew by accepting an invitation I have to feel like I'm in your debt. I have lovely friends who does things for me as I for them. It is horrid being in friendships who keeps tabs.

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OP didn't get it for free, though. She got it as a reward for her hard work. Presumably if the employer wasn't offering this her pay would be a bit higher. If she hadn't put in the work, friend wouldn't have gone on the trip. If friend didn't want to put her hand in her pocket at all, she should either have refused to go or warned OP so that OP could have asked someone else. Apart from anything else, friend seems clearly to be overcharging on petrol.