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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be put out that my friend is asking me to pay her money?

774 replies

Sundaycoffee · 12/06/2023 20:15

I was given a very nice perk through work for myself and a plus one for an all expenses paid trip, it included hotel, all food and drink and entertainment for the value of £400 per person and I chose to take a particualr friend. My friend kindly drove us there and back (Bristol to London). She text me today asking me to transfer her half of the petrol money for the trip (£20)
AIBU to think if someone had done the same for me I would let the petrol money slide?

OP posts:
Poodles23 · 13/06/2023 18:32

Just reply I’ll give you half the petrol money and you can give me half the cost of the ‘holiday’ as I could easily have taken someone else not so ungrateful!

Sennelier1 · 13/06/2023 18:33

Has this at any moment risen during your trip? And : did she offer to drive or did you ask her to? Because if she offered she should've said at that moment she would want to be paid. If you asked her to she could've said "yes I'll drive but I'll want the patrol paid for".

Proudmumx2 · 13/06/2023 18:40

I am at a bit of a loss yes you took her as a plus one but you didn’t pay anything either you shared your perk. Had your friend not driven how would you have got to Bristol I doubt you have the ability to fly and as star trek transportation is yet to be a thing, it would have undoubtedly cost you more than £20. i would understand if the treat had come from tour own pocket but it didn’t. Why on earth would you not have immediately said you would share travel costs then its cost you both exactly the same. All i can say is that I’m glad I’m not your friend!

Tophy124 · 13/06/2023 18:49

Please please remind her of the cost of the trip and do not pay this cheeky twat!! My god!! If you took me I’d have got you a thank you gift and been so grateful!! She’s a cheeky moron OP.

Dancingonthemoonlight · 13/06/2023 19:03

All expenses paid trip means you didn't pay for it your company did, her asking for petrol money isn't unreasonable when you didn't actually spend £400+ of your own money... if you had I'd agree with everyone else but you haven't. You got it for free with a plus one for free. Pay the £20 petrol fee. Unlike the trip she had to pay out of her own pocket to take you there and back.

Evan456 · 13/06/2023 19:04

Did she offer to drive?

Boomshock · 13/06/2023 19:04

Proudmumx2 · 13/06/2023 18:40

I am at a bit of a loss yes you took her as a plus one but you didn’t pay anything either you shared your perk. Had your friend not driven how would you have got to Bristol I doubt you have the ability to fly and as star trek transportation is yet to be a thing, it would have undoubtedly cost you more than £20. i would understand if the treat had come from tour own pocket but it didn’t. Why on earth would you not have immediately said you would share travel costs then its cost you both exactly the same. All i can say is that I’m glad I’m not your friend!

She would have driven her own car or went with someone else in theirs.

Kiwano · 13/06/2023 19:12

Dancingonthemoonlight · 13/06/2023 19:03

All expenses paid trip means you didn't pay for it your company did, her asking for petrol money isn't unreasonable when you didn't actually spend £400+ of your own money... if you had I'd agree with everyone else but you haven't. You got it for free with a plus one for free. Pay the £20 petrol fee. Unlike the trip she had to pay out of her own pocket to take you there and back.

OP paid for it by her hard work. Friend wouldn't have had the trip but for that.

Grammarnut · 13/06/2023 19:26

She got a freebie and is charging you petrol? I wouldn't ask her again. Mind you, is she cashed strapped but does not want to admit it? Always a thought, esp now.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 13/06/2023 19:30

Considering she got a £400 trip for free then she’s being very cheeky. If she didn’t want to drive/go then she should’ve declined to go.

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 13/06/2023 19:31

Grammarnut · 13/06/2023 19:26

She got a freebie and is charging you petrol? I wouldn't ask her again. Mind you, is she cashed strapped but does not want to admit it? Always a thought, esp now.

She can’t be that cash strapped as she bought merchandise relating to the event (art?) there.

Angrywife · 13/06/2023 19:32

Yeh, we'd have split the petrol costs.

I think you're being unreasonable

WowIlikereallyhateyou · 13/06/2023 19:32

ditalini · 12/06/2023 20:37

I'm kind of staggered by the number of posters who would have accepted £400 worth of freebie from a mate and not even drive and pay for petrol as a thank you.

Wow.

Absolutely this ^

Daisiesanddahlias · 13/06/2023 19:36

"You didn't 'treat' her, your company did! Had she not driven you would have incurred travel expenses. The 'treat' cost you nothing, your friend used her own car and drove. Not unreasonable to share travel expenses, surely?"

I don't agree with this. If I win a free cruise for two and decide to take a friend with me, it'll be unfair to say " well, you didn't treat her, the cruise line did". The op chose this friend to share her prize and she could have easily chosen someone else. I suspect this friend is a little jealous /envious of OP, and is begrudging the fact that OP didn't have to pay anything at point of claiming the prize. This 'friend' fails to see that its the OPs hard work that won OP the prize/treat, half of which this 'friend' was a beneficiary of. Tbh OP, you don't need people like this in your life. I say pay her the £40 or whatever it is and ditch this 'friend'. She is jealous.

AllyArty · 13/06/2023 19:39

That was mean of her. Granted you didn’t have to put your hand in your pocket but if u hadn’t asked her to accompany u she would not have experienced any of the free weekend. I would pay her and tell her you were a bit shocked that she asked for petrol money. And see what she says…

MargotBamborough · 13/06/2023 19:40

Daisiesanddahlias · 13/06/2023 19:36

"You didn't 'treat' her, your company did! Had she not driven you would have incurred travel expenses. The 'treat' cost you nothing, your friend used her own car and drove. Not unreasonable to share travel expenses, surely?"

I don't agree with this. If I win a free cruise for two and decide to take a friend with me, it'll be unfair to say " well, you didn't treat her, the cruise line did". The op chose this friend to share her prize and she could have easily chosen someone else. I suspect this friend is a little jealous /envious of OP, and is begrudging the fact that OP didn't have to pay anything at point of claiming the prize. This 'friend' fails to see that its the OPs hard work that won OP the prize/treat, half of which this 'friend' was a beneficiary of. Tbh OP, you don't need people like this in your life. I say pay her the £40 or whatever it is and ditch this 'friend'. She is jealous.

Of course the OP treated her friend, in preference to a number of other friends she could have invited instead, who probably wouldn't have been so bloody rude as to ask for petrol money from the person who took them on a free weekend away.

Thereoughttobeclowns · 13/06/2023 19:42

Wow. What a tightarse. I’d text back ‘seriously?’ And then un-friend her.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 13/06/2023 19:42

nocabbageinmyeye · 12/06/2023 20:18

Oh no yanbu. I am mortified for her! I would text her "are you seriously asking me for £20 petrol money towards the all expenses paid trip I took you on??? Really???"

Cheeky fucker!

This!

ChrisPPancake · 13/06/2023 20:01

captainmarvella · 13/06/2023 07:33

Hot take I guess? Frankly amazed at all this "logic".

The friend was given a gift. Yes, gift. When I invite a friend and offer her a holiday worth 400 pounds, it is a gift. And on top of it I will be presented a bill for the transport costs too, at the end of the weekend that I gifted? Feck that.

And feck all the convoluted logic of how OP didn't pay for it. OP has deserved and paid for the perks through her hard work and long term association with her workplace? It was not charity? Her employer did not hand out the perks because they were bored?

OP got the gift voucher as an acknowledgment for her hard work. It would not exist without the OP. Friend got to enjoy the fruits of OP's labour, as a gift. How is this not clear?!

Show quote history

It's perfectly clear thanks. I posted my opinion. That's how I'd do it if it was me 🤷

GoodEnough1 · 13/06/2023 20:04

Tell her it’s a taxable perk and she owes you half of the tax, less petrol money!

chaosmaker · 13/06/2023 20:07

@Sundaycoffee At least she didn't charge you for the driving there and back too. Just give her the £20!

jajajajaja · 13/06/2023 20:17

Preps · 12/06/2023 20:24

TBH if the trip was all expenses paid so hasn't cost you anything, I'd have probably offered petrol money in your shoes. I definitely wouldn't have asked for it in her shoes though.

OOI how did she come to be doing the driving?

The OP could have taken anyone but chose to offer it to this friend. The LEAST they could do is drive and pay petrol. I would have also bought my lovely friend some chocolates or flowers for choosing me.

jajajajaja · 13/06/2023 20:19

Preps · 12/06/2023 20:28

Does.no one else find it odd that the "host" didn't do the driving? I'll bet there's back story there.

No didn't find it odd. Do find it off that you think that this is all kinds of sinister suspicion though

Plipplopdrop · 13/06/2023 20:27

At worst, you know now to take a different friend next time!

SamW98 · 13/06/2023 20:37

jajajajaja · 13/06/2023 20:17

The OP could have taken anyone but chose to offer it to this friend. The LEAST they could do is drive and pay petrol. I would have also bought my lovely friend some chocolates or flowers for choosing me.

Show quote history

Absolutely this. And bought a few drinks as a thank you.

At least you know for next time OP to take someone who actually appreciates your gesture