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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be put out that my friend is asking me to pay her money?

774 replies

Sundaycoffee · 12/06/2023 20:15

I was given a very nice perk through work for myself and a plus one for an all expenses paid trip, it included hotel, all food and drink and entertainment for the value of £400 per person and I chose to take a particualr friend. My friend kindly drove us there and back (Bristol to London). She text me today asking me to transfer her half of the petrol money for the trip (£20)
AIBU to think if someone had done the same for me I would let the petrol money slide?

OP posts:
canigetitmyself · 13/06/2023 20:38

I wouldn't have asked you. No way.

She should have been super grateful to have been asked

MagicMojito · 13/06/2023 20:41

KirstenBlest · 12/06/2023 20:19

Did you only ask her because she has a car?

Does it matter?

Mamabear48 · 13/06/2023 20:51

Not exactly sponging if it was offered as a treat. You sound like awful friends

Marchitectmummy · 13/06/2023 20:51

Goodness that is ridiculous. Although you received it for free it has a value. You could have taken someone else but chose to share the value of the gift with her. Her request for petrol money is outrageous and mean.

This would be the last time I did anything for this woman, very likely it would end the friendship for me, I find tightness hard to tolerate.

ConfusingTrousers · 13/06/2023 20:54

I dunno, maybe it's okay if she honestly can't afford it. If I asked for something like this, I'd have to really know the person and trust that they'd understand.

Lollipop81 · 13/06/2023 20:55

I would have offered to pay half the petrol anyway if I was you as the trip was free 🤷‍♀️ if I was the friend I would have been embarrassed to ask for the money but maybe she is broke

thirdwheel · 13/06/2023 20:57

YANBU I get the same theatre tickets every year. Approx £80. My friend always drives (except the one year her car was broken). She always offers. And then we argue over who pays for lunch. She acknowledges that she wouldn't be there without me and I argue that I haven't had any outlay. But if she asked for petrol I would think she is a CF.

IncognitoMam · 13/06/2023 20:57

LivingTheDreamNow · 13/06/2023 00:42

I “used to” have a friend like this, shared my modest holiday home with her for over 30 years.

Even let her use it occasionally with friends & family for free.

Cooked meals for us because she rarely had money to eat out, occasionally fish & chips, we paid for our own.

She knew that I had to pay council tax, ground rent, club fees, water, electricity etc.
We shared the cost of petrol for years, each taking turns driving, with our own cars.

Then on our last trip a couple of years ago when I drove she complained about having to contribute half towards the petrol.
As my car wasn’t as “fuel efficient” as hers!
Needless to say, that was our last trip there together.

You try to bend over backwards to be a nice person and to do nice things for friends but then suddenly you realise what a mug you’re being taken for.

Your “friend” really is taking the piss by asking for the £20, she’s an ungrateful cow.

I’d definitely ask her if she was joking after you gifting her such a generous weekend away.

Good for you. How did she react? That's truly awful.

Airspice · 13/06/2023 20:57

Whilst a tiny part of me would think ‘my friend has got this for free but it’s cost me £40’ there’s no fooking way I’d have the nerve to ask her for half the petrol money because I’d fully appreciate that without her I’d have not had the lovely trip at all!!

ThinWomansBrain · 13/06/2023 20:58

presumably you'll have to pay tax on the monetary value of the benefit?
ask her for half of that.

myladybelle · 13/06/2023 21:05

I've been taken on a trip in similar circumstances - trip free to my friend for being a top performer. She needed someone to go with her, no husband or boyfriend. I still bought her a nice thank you gift; and covered all incidentals there!

GingerScallop · 13/06/2023 21:17

HotToddyColdSauvignon · 12/06/2023 20:18

Say yes here’s £20 and then send her an invoice for £200 for her share of your treat

£400. It was 400 per person So tight friend needs to pay 400😁

Tryingtokeepgoing · 13/06/2023 21:21

ToWonderWhyIBother · 13/06/2023 16:47

If your employer put's this through on the P11d as a benefit in kind, then you will have to pay tax on it, will your friend be paying half the tax ?

Hopefully the employer has a PAYE settlement agreement or whatever it’s called with HMRC, whereby the tax (and NI) is picked up by the employer !!

Flippingnora100 · 13/06/2023 21:22

The last time I asked anyone for petrol money was when I was about 17! I cannot believe how tight some people can be.

ThinWomansBrain · 13/06/2023 21:26

Preps · 13/06/2023 18:09

Fgs it's not taxable, that's precisely why companies use these kinds of rewards instead of cash bonuses. It saves their pension and NI costs too.

the employer would usually declare the benefit on the end of year P11D - a few might make a PAYE settlement on behalf of the employee (or fail comply with legislation on non cash benefits).
If the OP is a high rate taxpayer, she'll end up paying £320 in tax on an £800 benefit.

browneyes77 · 13/06/2023 21:42

Ah he’ll no. If my friend had taken me to an all expenses paid trip, I would never expect her to pay towards petrol!

I’d see it as my friend giving me a free treat. The petrol would be a cost I’d easily suck up as a thank you for treating me!

TheHandbag · 13/06/2023 21:44

I'd have said I'd knock it off the money she owed me for the weekend away. That will firmly put the boundaries in place for next time. The shameless cheeky fucker, some people have a brass neck.

Blueink · 13/06/2023 21:44

This is awful OP! I wouldn’t pay this, it’s CF on steroids

Jokingly ask her to reimburse you £180 for her half of the trip, less the petrol

If she’s serious, unfortunately it might end up with writing off the friendship, loss of trust (and any sense)

drpet49 · 13/06/2023 21:46

Marchitectmummy · 13/06/2023 20:51

Goodness that is ridiculous. Although you received it for free it has a value. You could have taken someone else but chose to share the value of the gift with her. Her request for petrol money is outrageous and mean.

This would be the last time I did anything for this woman, very likely it would end the friendship for me, I find tightness hard to tolerate.

Me too. The friend is so ungrateful.

Blueink · 13/06/2023 21:47

£380, even

messybutfun · 13/06/2023 22:23

It’s obviously not an all expenses paid trip if you have to pay to get there.

silverbubbles · 13/06/2023 22:37

Is it the case that your friend is seriously skint and can't afford the petrol money?
if it is and she made that clear in advance of accepting the treat then she is not being unresaonable.

1037370E · 13/06/2023 22:46

MavisMcMinty · 13/06/2023 18:03

You must drive a massive transit van at 90 miles an hour then! I regularly drive the 500-mile round trip to my Dad’s - which includes Bristol to London - on one tank of petrol, with 100 miles to spare.

Show quote history

Fair enough. I don't drive, I genuinely thought petrol cost more......no wonder my friends are so happy when I contribute petrol money, I've literally been filling the tank up 😂

MsRosley · 13/06/2023 22:54

Proudmumx2 · 13/06/2023 18:40

I am at a bit of a loss yes you took her as a plus one but you didn’t pay anything either you shared your perk. Had your friend not driven how would you have got to Bristol I doubt you have the ability to fly and as star trek transportation is yet to be a thing, it would have undoubtedly cost you more than £20. i would understand if the treat had come from tour own pocket but it didn’t. Why on earth would you not have immediately said you would share travel costs then its cost you both exactly the same. All i can say is that I’m glad I’m not your friend!

I bet OP is bloody glad you're not her friend too.

ClaraBourne · 14/06/2023 01:39

She's hardly out of pocket, presumably if she'd stayed at home she would have needed three meals a day, might have gone out socially and you'd not do all that on £20.

You've seen who she is now.

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