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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be put out that my friend is asking me to pay her money?

774 replies

Sundaycoffee · 12/06/2023 20:15

I was given a very nice perk through work for myself and a plus one for an all expenses paid trip, it included hotel, all food and drink and entertainment for the value of £400 per person and I chose to take a particualr friend. My friend kindly drove us there and back (Bristol to London). She text me today asking me to transfer her half of the petrol money for the trip (£20)
AIBU to think if someone had done the same for me I would let the petrol money slide?

OP posts:
Darker · 13/06/2023 16:32

Friend with the free and desirable perk can invite who she likes.

If I was picked I would be very grateful and I would show my gratitude - in this case offering to drive and shouldering the cost seems a very reasonable and appropriate contribution.

Namechangedforthis25 · 13/06/2023 16:41

This is now in the mirror newspaper !!!

absolutely crazy

ToWonderWhyIBother · 13/06/2023 16:47

If your employer put's this through on the P11d as a benefit in kind, then you will have to pay tax on it, will your friend be paying half the tax ?

WomblingTree86 · 13/06/2023 16:49

florentina1 · 13/06/2023 16:11

I am on the fence with this. If I had been given this perk, I would have offered half the petrol money without being asked.

if the friend was posting, she might have written, “Is my friend being greedy? She was given a completely free trip, she asked me to accompany her then wanted me to pay her travel her costs”.

it seems to be a question of semantics.

If the OP had asked if her friend was being greedy to expect her to pay petrol costs after she had provided the hotel and all food and drink, she would be told she was ungrateful and petrol costs were the least she could provide. It doesn't matter how OP got the perk, it was hers just as any other gift/perk/win would be hers and she didn't have to share it.

1037370E · 13/06/2023 16:52

Sundaycoffee · 12/06/2023 20:33

I would have driven

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Would you have asked for petrol money?

Also £40 petrol London to Bristol, and back again I presume, seems really cheap. Was she definitely asking for half or just a token contribution.

GreekDogRescue · 13/06/2023 16:56

I think I’d reconsider this friendship.
is she always this tight?

burnoutbabe · 13/06/2023 16:59

ToWonderWhyIBother · 13/06/2023 16:47

If your employer put's this through on the P11d as a benefit in kind, then you will have to pay tax on it, will your friend be paying half the tax ?

Surely if it's taxable then you'd most likely decline this "perk" and ask for £800 cash instead -then spend it how you want!

fucktonofcats · 13/06/2023 17:05

burnoutbabe · 13/06/2023 16:59

Surely if it's taxable then you'd most likely decline this "perk" and ask for £800 cash instead -then spend it how you want!

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That's... not how it works. But you could certainly decline and get nothing.

ToWonderWhyIBother · 13/06/2023 17:07

burnoutbabe · 13/06/2023 16:59

Surely if it's taxable then you'd most likely decline this "perk" and ask for £800 cash instead -then spend it how you want!

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You would still need to pay tax, ni and pension contributions on the £800, as it would have to go through payroll.

Long gone are the days when you would get a bonus as cash in hand that HMRC wont know about.

Twillow · 13/06/2023 17:10

Malificent1 · 12/06/2023 20:35

In which case I think you should have agreed upfront to split the costs.

Yes it was kind of you to share with her, but the trip has cost you nothing and her £40.

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You could therefore say the trip has cost OP nothing (except hard work to earn it) but the CF friend has gained £360 (£400 trip - £40 petrol).

simonbn3 · 13/06/2023 17:17

You didn't 'treat' her, your company did! Had she not driven you would have incurred travel expenses. The 'treat' cost you nothing, your friend used her own car and drove. Not unreasonable to share travel expenses, surely?

Reasontoreason · 13/06/2023 17:28

I think it depends , if your friend is struggling financially. Also would you have gone on the trip by self if your friend didn't want to go? . So don't think you can factor in the cost of the trip that was free to both of you . But if she's not struggling financially it is really strange of her to ask

WomblingTree86 · 13/06/2023 17:37

simonbn3 · 13/06/2023 17:17

You didn't 'treat' her, your company did! Had she not driven you would have incurred travel expenses. The 'treat' cost you nothing, your friend used her own car and drove. Not unreasonable to share travel expenses, surely?

I don't think the company decided to treat the friend. They gave OP the gift and she decided to share it with the friend which she didn't have to do.

burnoutbabe · 13/06/2023 17:40

Of course £800 cash is taxable. But cash received is much more flexibly than £800 worth of hotel costs are (which in theory should be taxed identically so £250 tax hit maybe.

But I assume if there was a tax cost, the op would have mentioned it up front. And it would be very weird way to reward staff, hence I doubt it's being taxed (even if it should be!)

celticprincess · 13/06/2023 17:53

I’m split on this one. If I was offering my friend an all expenses paid trip that wasn’t costing me anything I’d probably suggest we split the cost of petrol. It might be the friend couldn’t have afforded to pay out for the full amount of petrol. If I was the friend going I’d have asked before hand if that was the case though. I don’t think it’s as cheeky as people are making it out as the OP is having a free day as well but the free day has now cost the friend £40.

MavisMcMinty · 13/06/2023 18:03

1037370E · 13/06/2023 16:52

Would you have asked for petrol money?

Also £40 petrol London to Bristol, and back again I presume, seems really cheap. Was she definitely asking for half or just a token contribution.

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You must drive a massive transit van at 90 miles an hour then! I regularly drive the 500-mile round trip to my Dad’s - which includes Bristol to London - on one tank of petrol, with 100 miles to spare.

Preps · 13/06/2023 18:09

Fgs it's not taxable, that's precisely why companies use these kinds of rewards instead of cash bonuses. It saves their pension and NI costs too.

Iziz · 13/06/2023 18:10

I am someone who gets a lot slide and coz I don't like awkwardness but if this happen to me I would give her a piece of my mind without hesitation.

Noodles1234 · 13/06/2023 18:11

I wouldn’t have asked. But if I was the other person I would have offered. Only because neither of you paid for anything and yes is an amazing gesture from you, but as it was free for both and the only cost was the fuel, I would have offered something.

if she’s a good friend it’s up to you how you handle it. I wouldn’t fly off the handle though as comes across too dramatic over £20.

Maddy70 · 13/06/2023 18:12

Wow ....... I honestly have no words.

Just tell her that you provided the hotel and food

Kteeb1 · 13/06/2023 18:19

I am clearly in a massive minority here but... you didn't pay for anything on this right? It was paid for you too. So the only one who is out of pocket is her. Of course that was nice of you but i would have offered half the petrol money so it was equal. Genuinely I have actually done that in a very similar situation.

Boysgrownbutstillathome · 13/06/2023 18:21

Actually, you both had a free weekend away so of course you should share the petrol costs. £20 isn't much for Bristol to London and back and not worth losing a friend over.

SamW98 · 13/06/2023 18:21

Personally if a friend had chosen to take me on an all expenses weekend away, I would not only offer to drive (and pay for my petrol) , I would be offering to buy a few drinks and buying her a gift.
For her to accept this hospitality and have the brass neck to ask for petrol money AFTER THE EVENT is an absolute piss take and so far beyond my realm of understanding I think I would laugh out loud if I was the OP.

Tight as a badgers arse and definitely a CF

fucktonofcats · 13/06/2023 18:25

Preps · 13/06/2023 18:09

Fgs it's not taxable, that's precisely why companies use these kinds of rewards instead of cash bonuses. It saves their pension and NI costs too.

FGS, it might be taxable; it might not.

The more generous employers out there would elect to pay the tax on this, so it would effectively be 'free' to the OP.

Some might not put it on a PSA or might forget to do so by the deadline and instead put it on a P11D. The OP would then pay tax, and the employer would pay NI.

Point is, the friend doesn't know either way. Even if the OP is only a basic rate taxpayer and not a MN high earner, the tax would be more than the petrol money.

If she couldn't afford the petrol, she should have discussed this upfront. Chances are, the OP would have generously agreed to pay it or drive. It's asking for money after the event that leaves a bad taste.

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