Exhausted feeding my family

[winterrrain]

It's not even a large family.

2 children and two adults. My Husband, my son aged 10 and my youngest aged 2.

My eldest and husband eat three cooked meals a day. Every day. They also expect a plate of fruit and a plate of salad to be out in the evening to snack on.

They all eat at different times and won't eat the same food. My Husband only eats his own country's cuisine and my Son doesn't like spicy food.

They reject any ready meals or processed food (I guess in a way that's good but he odd cheat meal I'd like as a break).

My Husband also likes a drink of tea made with milk and Cardamon in which is a faff to make and he has a few times a day. He also has a milkshake which contains banana and nuts in the morning.

My Eldest has a hot chocolate in the evening and water throughout the day but brings me the glass each time to refill as he will only drink it with ice and lemon in which he apparently can't make himself 🙄

They're both quite fussy and don't like a lot of food which can be batch cooked but my Son will eat spaghetti bolognese and shepherds pie but only the meat can be frozen he won't eat the mash if it's been frozen and he can easily tell.

I'm spending all day cooking and cleaning up after the family.

I work three days a week from home. Husband works full time from home.

My Eldest has a cooked meal at school.

They both like an omlette for breakfast. No toast and butter or cereal for these two 🙄

They have hot meals for every meal of the day.

Since I had my youngest I'm struggling with energy to do it all to be honest.

AIBU?

I don't think there's a solution unless I tell them to get their own food 😂 But wanted to know I'm not being unreasonable.
Any tips to make things a little easier?
Any batch cooking recipies I could think of?

You’re both raising your son in his father’s gluttonous and hideous image, to see women as slaves, there to cater, literally, to their every whim. While of course performing all domestic duties, wifely responsibilities AND working to financially contribute to the household.

Stop it. Now.

I don't think anyone should be running around bringing drinks to people like a servant.
But I don't think there's anything wrong with the woman doing the cooking and the cleaning, if she's completely happy to and doesn't hate doing it, and the man pulls his weight in other areas. Why would you do jobs that you don't like and aren't good at, just to make a point?
If you're worried about your children growing up to be little misogynists because their mums did the cooking, just teach your boys how to cook and clean too.

You're enabling their behaviour by complying. Make one meal for everyone, and if they're not happy, then tell them they're free to cook for themselves. And a 10 year old is more than capable of making themselves their own drink, show him where the ice and lemon is, and tell him to get on with it.

It's most definitely not normal, no wonder you're low on energy, I'm wondering how you find the time for anything else as your life seems to revolve around preparing meals! You have to stop doing it all for them, DH can get at least 2 of his own meals ready each day and all his drinks since he insists on three hot meals a day and your son is old enough to learn how to prepare some simple meals or snacks himself. Perhaps he could have a snack at 4 then have his main meal at 7 with you and DH. Your DS can learn to get his own drinks and DH can make omelettes in the morning.

This can't be true because no-one is that much of a skivvy to their husband and kids.

I would cook one meal a day, they can get their own drinks, snacks and fruit.

Is this truly how you want to live?

How you want your son to be brought up with a female slave?

You have accepted being treated like everyone’s maid ! Absolutely not okay, you need to push back, they are big boys, they can do it themselves. If my partner expected me to make him tea throughout the day I’d laugh in his face.

Life is too short! If they want a drink, they can make themselves a drink. You make one hot meal a day (if you want to?) and it's the same for everyone. They don't like it, they can make themselves something else. You can change this quite easily. Just...stop.

I don't think there's a solution unless I tell them to get their own food 😂

You say that likes it’s some crazy, extreme idea that’s hilarious because of course no one would actually DO that…in fact it’s the bare minimum of what most people would have said, a very long time ago!!

That’s utterly ridiculous; sorry but I cannot even imagine getting to that stage. 1 hot meal a day, you and husband take turns to cook. Everyone eats the same. 10 yo has to get his own drinks. Your food bills must be extremely high

Surely your DH has two arms, two legs and a heartbeat?

If your son is hungry when he comes in from school he can have a snack and wait til 7? I mean my mum worked so the dinner was always 630 or 7. If your dh works from home maybe he can compromise and have his din at 6 with you and ds. Honestly they need to all start eating together. I'm a single mum and never cook breakfast or lunch. Only dinner. Do you have an airfryer. Any child even younger than your dh can put something in and time it. It's up to you to make the changes though. Be stubborn. Like your dh!!!

Sod that for a month of Sundays - no way would I put up with this and I’m a SAHM. DH and your oldest can easily make what they want themselves. If I were you I would be cooking a standard dinner with the odd cheat meal and if they don’t like the contents/the way it is cooked then they can make their own food. Any snacks/grazing plates etc tjey sh

They should also be responsible for themselves.

My daughter is vegan and loves spicy food . My son likes meat and potatoes. It's called compromise. You can get round this if you want to but they all have to compromise. You can make mild food and your dh can add hot sauce. You can make rice and curry and your son can have rice and a chick breast done in the airfryer. I do this every day. Make one dinner but it's adaptable. Your dh sounds like a misogynist stubborn pig . Imo.

I'm sorry if this has already been suggested but personally I would cut corners a bit with the 10 year old. He's already having a nutrious cooked breakfast and lunch so I'd be tempted to do quick easy things for his tea....and he can help! E.g a frozen ready made pizza and salad, a jacket potato with beans and cheese, fish fingers, veg and even chips etc etc. On a hot day maybe a bought quiche and salad.
He can get his own drinks and help prepare the bowls of chopped fruit/salad.
You'll be teaching him vital life skills so that as an adult he doesn't treat his own DP as a skivvy!
As for deserts, frozen yogurt made yourself or premade is ideal in this weather! Oh and he can make his own milkshakes too (and clear up after himself).
As for DP.....does he know how exhausting you're finding this? Maybe time for a heart to heart with him.

Have you tried an omelette maker machine? It cooks two omlettes at once and your. Son can whisk the eggs and milk in a jug and then pour it into the two compartments. By grated cheese and ham, you sprinkle these in once in the omlettes maker. Your husband can make his own drinks!

*oven chips (not even chips....don't start measuring them 'til all same length!!)

It sounds as though you wait hand and foot on them all day. You've done that. Now tell them to make their own drinks, and that you will cook ONE meal a day, something you will all eat, and if your husband only likes food from his own country, he can cook it. You aren't their skivvy, don't behave like one.

This is ridiculous, OP. Why are you allowing yourself to be treated like this?

My DH is Indian, I get the preference for his own cuisine, the chai habit etc. But my DH makes his own chai and accepts that, if I'm cooking, I will cook a mixture of cuisine. If he has a craving for Indian food, and I'm not planning to make it, then he knows where the kitchen is and he is more than capable of cooking a curry and making some roti.

The fact that you have chosen to work is irrelevant. You have every right to work. You do not have a duty to cater to your DH's every whim. Or your son's for that matter.

Yes, culturally, what you do is expected. But your DH chose not to marry a Pakistani woman so he needs to accept that you won't necessarily fulfil all of his expectations. Tbh, I know plenty of Asian women who wouldn't stand for this either.

Grow a it of a backbone and stop trying to be the perfect Pakistani wife... you don't have to do that!

Why does your husband not cook 50% of the meals? Does his penis get in the way or something?

Did you read the thread title? 🤔 “exhausted feeding my family”

It’s fuck all use teaching boys to cook if they never see their father cooking.

But I don't think there's anything wrong with the woman doing the cooking and the cleaning, if she's completely happy to and doesn't hate doing it, and the man pulls his weight in other areas.

There is something wrong with a man never doing any cooking and cleaning. He is setting an appalling example of sexism to his son.

I do most of the cooking tbh but DH does cook when required.

So why does she have to be the one to ‘provide’ a daily meal? Your strong rhetoric about sexism is correct but you completely undermine that by still having her be the daily default caterer to a male household! It’s just perpetrating the same cycle with the sons.

Only read the OP but why the hell do you do it???

Exactly. One type of work is getting paid and the other isn’t.

3 Homecooked meals per boy/man per day is excessive even for a SAHP.