Our local Catholic church doesn't want us there. I can't understand why

[BlueMediterranean]

Hi everyone,

I wanted to share an issue my partner and I have been facing at our local Catholic church and get your thoughts on it. We moved to a new city about a year and a half ago and bought a house here. The schools in the area are somewhat average, and the best one by far is a Catholic school. Being Catholics ourselves, we thought we wouldn't have any issues.

Initially, we didn't attend church because I was heavily pregnant, and after that, I experienced postpartum depression, which made it difficult for me to feel comfortable leaving the house with my baby. However, my partner started going to the evening mass on Sundays instead of the morning one. We officially registered with the church when we moved here.

After about 6-7 months, I joined him at the evening mass. From the very beginning, we found it strange that the priest never greeted anyone. As soon as he finished his sermon, he would disappear. Everyone would leave, and there was no socializing whatsoever.

One day, we went to talk to him about baptizing our baby, but he told us that he didn't know us well enough and asked us to continue attending the mass. We found this odd but decided to keep going. A few months later, we asked again, and he gave us the same response. In fact, he didn't remember us and thought we wanted to register as new members.

That's when we started to worry. If the priest never greets anyone and leaves immediately after the sermon, how can he get to know anyone? We could attend mass for years, and he wouldn't even know our names.

We had to rearrange some personal commitments to attend the Sunday morning mass to see if things were different, but he still doesn't greet anyone. We persisted in asking about the baptism and were given the contact information of a church volunteer who organizes the baptism course. Unfortunately, our emails to this person have gone unanswered, and when we asked in person, they claimed not to have received them.

I am truly baffled by all of this. Why does the church ignore us in this manner? I am now worried about how we'll obtain the necessary paperwork to register our daughter at the Catholic school if they won't even baptize her.

There must be a reason behind all of this, but I honestly can't comprehend it. I have considered volunteering, but both my partner and I work full-time jobs, which makes it challenging.

If anyone has any insights or suggestions, please share them. We would greatly appreciate it.

Thank you.

We joined our church when i was pregnant getting our daughter baptised was inordinately difficult as the priest is honeslty a strange and awkward man. He also thinks he is the gatekeeper to the (great) school and not v friendly. We were essentially interrogated at the baptism classes and got the vibe a lot of people are scammy time wasters looking for an school place.

We turn up religiously and make a point of making eyecontact and saying hi as we come in and when we get communion. I have hit my stode and can commune peacefully at his mass now but we were looking at changing church initially as my DH and i have never met such a cold(?) Priest. My mother and mil also commented on it.

Being unmarried might be a factor but honestly you need to grin and persevere if you want the school place. If you actually want to get closer to god and practice Catholicism get married pick a different church.

Who does the Eucharist if the priest leaves after the Liturgy of the Word?

Quite.

The OP has another thread on the same topic on the philosophy board and I commented much the same thing.

Ask other families and consider changing church x

You should go straight to the bishop and outline what has happened.

There should be no issue with baptizing your baby regardless of whether you are married or not and it is shameful that the priest would not do this as soon as possible.

In the meantime it would be worth inquiring with the other church to at least have a backup option while things are sorted with your current church.

I am catholic. I have never registered with a church and never had a priest have to give his say so to get a child baptised. I phone the church, speak to the office and the baptism team ( usually a few church ladies) call around for a quick chat then book us in. It sounds very odd op. Try calling the office.

I'm another one who was raised Catholic (Catholic schools right from age 4-18), but who now attends an Anglican Church. My main gripe with the Catholic Church is that aged 7 (in the 1980's), our class at school were to begin twice weekly classes to prepare for our First Holy Communion. In our class of 27 children, most of whose parents were married (but there were a few with single mothers), I was the only child whose parents had actually gone through a divorce. Because of this fact, I was not allowed to make my First Holy Communion, and so was made to sit alone in the school office with the Receptionist for the 2 hours a week the rest of my class studied for theirs. I remember being deeply upset at the time, feeling as if I had done something to upset God. It really damaged my faith and as an adult, I find it unconscionable that the Catholic Church chose to single me out in this way.

Happily, in my late teens I found a wonderful Anglican Parish and was able to be Confirmed. I find the Anglican Church much more sociable - as PP's have said; lots of coffee and cakes! We moved to a new Parish when our DC were late Primary and despite only having just over a year of regular attendance at our new church, our Vicar was happy to sign the form for our eldest DD's place at the CofE High School. I was CEV, so we had a longer break from Church over Covid than most, but the Vicar dropped notes through the door regularly, offering help and remembering us in their prayers. We really do feel part of the community because of this Church, and after my own experiences, I can't imagine the Catholic Church being anywhere near as supportive.

Gosh, my church is the total opposite.

My lovely community is SO welcoming and my lovely vicar knows each and every person by name and makes an effort to get to know everyone. He wouldn't dream of disappearing straight after the service (unless he's heading to a football match!).

We're CofE, but I'm surprised that this isn't the norm!

Sounds like the priest is used to people only attending mass to get their kids into the Catholic School and his put you in this category.

we moved to have kids and I Gave birth 2 weeks after moving, to get him baptised I needed a letter from our previous church. There was a good Catholic school near us and people play games pretending they attend church all the time when they never did.

My cousins local priest said the numbers are always huge before the school applications then suddenly half his parishioners disappear after they’ve got the place at the school. Her priest now insists on a register being signed for a few years when they attend. Madness. But some of the money to run the school plus the buildings sometimes ( usually) come from the church.

Suggest you arrange a meeting with the priest.

He’s a priest, he can’t refuse.
Then ask to book the christening.
Offer a letter from your old parish priest as proof you attend.

If you have proof of your own baptism, first holy communion and confirmation …then even better.

Did you regularly attend church in the city you lived in previously?

Look at the admission criteria of the catholic school you want. Does it say that it has to be a particular church; I doubt it. I would just go to the next church over one Sunday - see what it is like. I regularly attend a church that isn't my "parish church".

In Bavaria they don't @Betsybetty I've only ever seen that in films or TV shows and thought this is an Anglican thing. But I also didn't know that you get to chose a saint for confirmation, dp (from a New Zealand catholic family) asked me recently who I had chosen and I was rather confused by the question because that is not something which was done where I'm from.

@OliveWah have you spoken to your parents about this? Did they confirm to you that they wanted you to make your first Holy Communion and that you were actually prevented from doing so?

By the way, it's not you, this kind of incompetence is happening in parishes everywhere, with plenty of priests trying to gatekeep Catholic schools. Don't worry about needing to get more involved, you're fine, it's them causing the problem.

That's awful that they excluded you. I'm glad you have found somewhere where you feel welcome

It all sounds very odd. I'm in Ireland and rang up the parish secretary to arrange ds christening. 8 months later I rang up to arrange my wedding to a non Catholic. I would be a lapsed Catholic and there was never an issue at all in organising either sacrament.

Wow
Thats absolutely horrid.
We had divorced, single mothers etc at our Catholic school, there was never anything like you experienced.
They all took First Holy Communion.

They were never singled out
This was the mid 70s.

@Dacadactyl Yes, my Mum was really upset about it, and quite shocked too, as our Priest had been really supportive to her during the divorce, because my father had run off with another woman, cleaned out their savings and left her with 2 children and no way of contacting him. We stopped going to Mass after I wasn't allowed to take my First Holy Communion, and a few years later when my DSis was aged 7, she was allowed to do hers, and we were told it was because there was a different Priest. I was offered the opportunity to take mine then, with the younger class but at the time I didn't want to as it had all been so upsetting for me.

The 'olden day church' certainly did. The local priest refused to baptise my aunt - a sickly baby - despite the previous 5 being baptised and the parents being married and attending church regularly ( because of an argument with my Grandfather.) Apparently a baby ending up in limbo was a price worth paying?

My grandmother took the baby to the nearby Anglican Church who baptised her no problem. The whole family then left the Catholic Church and the children then all went to non Catholic state schools.

God if you are under 60 and had a real live child in any of the churches near me they'd probably be desperately trying to glue you to the pew. That's if they recognised an actual child, they won't have seen one for years.

I think maybe I am biased in a way I should declare. My friend’s American elderly aunt was diagnosed with cancer. She was advised by her pastor to not listen to the doctors, but to give generously to the church so they could pray for her good health. She did, they told her they would pray for her. She got sicker, she gave more and more money. She was not a wealthy woman, far from it. She got so sick she finally saw the doctor, who said she was now terminally ill. In despair she spoke to the pastor who literally shrugged and said she obviously hadn’t give enough money…

It rocked the faith of a very religious family, especially the woman’s very devout sister.

My lack of faith in faith isn’t about Catholicism, just organised religion as a whole. I know there’s good, but there are some fundamental issues I have with it that would make acceptance of any of it, impossible..

Aye its

1. Because you have just turned up and they think its just a schools gambit (there is a lot of it around) compounded by
2. Not married. The priests round here won't baptise your kid unless you are married, preferably by them.

I don't hold with schools allowing to select by religion so I'm generally not so sympathetic but if you have a genuine faith attending mass sounds like an end to itself not just the means to a slightly better school place?

I was the child of a single mother (bio father never on the scene), and was baptised as a baby 50 years ago.

Are you paying the parish dues (or tithes)?
Money talks in the Catholic Church (and maybe other churches but I am only familiar with this one).

This is all bollocks.
We didn’t have to study, answer questions.
Find another Catholic Church I think you’ve hid a dud one here.

You can go to whatever church you like.
We have a one with beautiful choral singers but a bit far away and another that’s a bit happy clappy and our nearest. We go to the one further away. It’s OK to do that.