Our local Catholic church doesn't want us there. I can't understand why

[BlueMediterranean]

Hi everyone,

I wanted to share an issue my partner and I have been facing at our local Catholic church and get your thoughts on it. We moved to a new city about a year and a half ago and bought a house here. The schools in the area are somewhat average, and the best one by far is a Catholic school. Being Catholics ourselves, we thought we wouldn't have any issues.

Initially, we didn't attend church because I was heavily pregnant, and after that, I experienced postpartum depression, which made it difficult for me to feel comfortable leaving the house with my baby. However, my partner started going to the evening mass on Sundays instead of the morning one. We officially registered with the church when we moved here.

After about 6-7 months, I joined him at the evening mass. From the very beginning, we found it strange that the priest never greeted anyone. As soon as he finished his sermon, he would disappear. Everyone would leave, and there was no socializing whatsoever.

One day, we went to talk to him about baptizing our baby, but he told us that he didn't know us well enough and asked us to continue attending the mass. We found this odd but decided to keep going. A few months later, we asked again, and he gave us the same response. In fact, he didn't remember us and thought we wanted to register as new members.

That's when we started to worry. If the priest never greets anyone and leaves immediately after the sermon, how can he get to know anyone? We could attend mass for years, and he wouldn't even know our names.

We had to rearrange some personal commitments to attend the Sunday morning mass to see if things were different, but he still doesn't greet anyone. We persisted in asking about the baptism and were given the contact information of a church volunteer who organizes the baptism course. Unfortunately, our emails to this person have gone unanswered, and when we asked in person, they claimed not to have received them.

I am truly baffled by all of this. Why does the church ignore us in this manner? I am now worried about how we'll obtain the necessary paperwork to register our daughter at the Catholic school if they won't even baptize her.

There must be a reason behind all of this, but I honestly can't comprehend it. I have considered volunteering, but both my partner and I work full-time jobs, which makes it challenging.

If anyone has any insights or suggestions, please share them. We would greatly appreciate it.

Thank you.

Catholic mass is not a social event or community event in the way Anglican services have become, it's much more about the individual.

Some parishes do social, some don't.

Some priests greet, some don't.

I left it all far behind as a teen, thankfully, but all my extended family members in different parishes have wildly different experiences.

I'm irish like a lot of other posters although I haven't been to mass except for other people's weddings/baptism etc since I was small but it was never a thing here for the priest to stop and chat after mass. That's just not how the Cayholic churches that I know of work. They also seem a lot less strict over here than in the UK. Here no one cares about your marital status when baptising a baby, I know loads of 'unmarried mothers' and fathers that have had their kids go through all of the sacraments. I never would have thought that the UK would be more structured than here!

With us it was proof that you were a practicing Catholic.
I am so I have no idea if there was a minimum number of years tbh. No one ever asked.
I think it’s perfectly understandable .

He leaves after the sermon?

That would be in the middle of mass.

Your posts are bullshit.

Really?!?

Other Churches, and denominations, are available.

Some churches are welcoming others less so.

Some are child and family friendly others less so.

Find one that suits you.

All the best.

I reckon he thinks you’re just there for the school.

Wrong religion but it’s all reminding of when Charlotte in SATC tried to convert to Judaism and the rabbi kept turning her away! 😂

Yup. Totally agree. Their whole world is on the brink to sign to say you’re practicing if you aren’t so I get it.

They do where i live in Ireland, I’ve seen it in several churches around by us.

op where is the next nearest church or do you have to register in the one closest to you? I ‘church hopped’ a bit until i found one I liked and felt comfortable in.

A number of people have asked OP what country she is in. Is there a reason fo rnot telling us? The priest's behaviour seems very atypical for both the UK and Ireland,

Yes leaving after the sermon does make what you say sound not legitimate. He literally has the main part of his job to do.

Is it not just that the OP has no idea what a sermon is? As a non church goer I have to admit I don't have a clue either. She is calling the entire mass the sermon rather than a particular part of the mass.

Yeah but that doesn't work because she says she's Catholic herself so she really should know absolute basics of how Mass works

Well, there's still that breaking of bread lark to deal with after the sermon, it's considered quite important by those who like to do things by the Book.

If you're a Catholic who attends Mass even semi regularly you will know what the order of service is and what is sermon is! You'll also know that the priest won't leave after the sermon. It's all very odd.

I don't usually pick holes in people's posts but "As soon as he finished his sermon, he would disappear." is not how Catholic masses work.

Is English not your first language and you meant 'when the mass/service is over he disappears'?

Our Sunday evening mass has no socialising after it. The bigger church about 5 miles away has a thriving after Sunday morning mass tea, coffee, cake etc time. Different churches do things in different ways. If your local to you church doesn't do things the way you like it then I do suggest you find one that does. Churches are very personal and people prefer different styles.

Our usual one is friendly but I can count on one hand the number of people who've stopped and spoken to me there in a decade.

The bigger one I've met lots of new people in just 6 months. Shame it's further away and too early for us but that's the compromise I'm prepared to make.

It's because you're unmarried. We are married but got married in a registry office and the catholic priest told me it doesn't count and that he didn't acknowledge the marriage. He did agree to baptise our lo though (begrudgingly!).

Maybe the priest thinks you’re not practicing.
Do you know when to kneel, stand etc without watching others.
Do you know all the words to the mass plus when to sign yourself etc.
Practicing Catholics would know this like riding a bike they never forget

Im sure priests spot these things with newcomers.

English is not my first language, sorry for the confusion

The Catholic Church says that sex outside marriage is sinful.

Why don’t you get married if you want to be part of the Catholic Church?

It does sound odd. When our DCs were small we and MIL regularly went to family services at our local CofE church (where we were married and the children baptised) - and although we didn't live in the village and didn't know a lot of people, everyone was always friendly, interested in the children etc etc. Our vicar also was really welcoming and chatted to people before and after the services - unless he had to shoot off elsewhere for the next one in another church (there are 4 in our parish.

I don't know much about RC churches but the congregation can't know you aren't married, so even if that is an issue then it's weird they aren't more welcoming.

I would try and speak to the senior churchwarden or whoever 'runs' the place, and explain your experience, and ask what you've done wrong. Hopefully they will be shamed into explaining (if there is an issue) or maybe introduce you or do something to improve things. But unless you need to keep in with them for the school, I'd be looking for another church!

Our Catholic priest is of Irish origin. He speaks to everyone after Mass. Even though I am CoE he welcomes me when I attend with my husband. Your chap sounds most unusual!

I know a lot of people are focused on the word sermon. But ive never in over 40 years of going to regular mass, and working with the Church, including briefly in a convent, heard it referred to as a sermon in an RC church. It is a homily.

I used to work in a Catholic school. We had an ancient priest who expected parents not to just be married but married in a Catholic church ceremony. He would comment if he noticed a mother without a wedding ring on. I actually heard one woman who was very pregnant apologising to him because her fingers had swollen and she couldn't get her wedding ring on , and he already knew she was married because he married her. After he retired a younger priest came and shook things up. He accepted any.parent that agreed to bring their child to church regularly to be christened. He made them attend for 6 months though before carrying out the Christening ceremony. You might need to get married in a Catholic church OP to get child Christen into the Catholic faith.

My DH isn't baptised. My child was baptised at eight weeks old in a different church with a family Priest. My local church had no issue organising this and I certainly didn't have to go on a special course!

I would probably be grabbing the priest on a weekday and asking him what his problem is... Don't do it after mass. If he does weekday masses or confessions by appointment try to catch him then. You have every right to baptize your child Catholic even if you're not married and I suspect even if you're not Catholic.

Failing that I would contact the Dean for the area or possibly even the Bishop's office as this is totally unacceptable treatment.