Parent gifts/Inheritance- unfair?

[ducksandquackers]

I’ll start with a little background, my parents were both from low income families, my dad went on to be a lawyer and my mum a teacher. My dad is now 77 my mum passed away 6 years ago.
I have one brother, he’s 50, I’m 42. He has one daughter who is 18, I have one son who is 8 months.
When my mum passed away my dad sold their home, bought a small one bedroom flat. Never really thought twice about what happened with the money. I guess I assumed it was out away in savings or something similar.
My brother is an accountant, makes £150,000+ a year, his wife passed away 7 years ago, he used her life insurance to pay off their mortgage and has been financially comfortable since. I’m a nurse, my husband a police officer. We aren’t struggling per se but in my family we are the worst off.

We met for a family meal last night, my brother, niece, husband, dad and son. I asked my niece if the new student loan changes would impact her as she’s due to go to uni after summer. She said no, she wouldn’t be getting a student loan. My husband joked asking how she would afford everything then and she said “Grandad gave me money for course fees and Accomodation”. I could tell my dad and brother didn’t want that to be something I knew.
I questioned my brother today. He told me when my dad sold the house, he gave a chunk of the money (£150,000) to my niece. At the time I’d said I’d never have children, so he wanted to give it to his granddaughter now rather than once he’s gone and can’t see her make use of it. My brother and I would get the split of the flat he’s currently in, anything left in pensions and some moneys he’s saved after he passes.
Now when I didn’t have kids this would be fair I think. I get that. But I do have a son now, not only has he missed out on a grandma on my side, and a grandad young enough to be able to play and look after him, he’s missed out on holidays with grandparents and all sorts. But also, he’s missed out on inheritance.
For years my brother has been putting £500-£1000 a month in savings for my niece, so she has a good amount in savings anyway. My husband and I have a mortgage and don’t make enough to save that sort of money for my son. My husbands parents won’t leave much in the way of inheritance and what they do is split between 6 grandkids.

So AIBU to think it’s not fair my niece gets all the money from my parents house? Even if she was the only grandchild at the point of the deal? She isn’t now and surely my son is just as entitled to that as she is? Should I talk to my dad?

Well your dad knows that you know now. That might spur him on to even things up a bit in his will. No good will come of you talking to him. You need to leave it now.

I have 2 kids.

While I can see OPs point of view to some extent, I would never fall out with family over money. EVER. Even if I was being unfairly treated (which imo, OP isnt)

Can I point out that the grandad is still alive and kicking and has a property which for all we know has been earmarked as the OPs child’s inheritance.

Good idea: tell nurses to get 'better' jobs. Oh wait. Who will look after us when we're ill!

As if it's easy to walk into a 'better' job, anyway.

You've lived a small life then. It's very common to cause problems even late in life. Familial relationships and dynamics don't end when a child leaves home.

This isn't about nurses in general.
This is one person batching about how much money her brother earns in his job!
If she's that annoyed she can go out and make more money and stop moaning about it.

everything aside you seem quite nasty towards a just 18 year old(?) who lost her mother at a young age. Your jealousy is showing op and it’s an awful trait

Yes, that’s obvious by your bizarre projections on this thread, @SchoolShenanigans
Clear issues there.

the divide between people who think that someone’s money is indeed their money, and those that think it’s their children’s inheritance.

He’s not dead!

First off, how utterly stupid of your niece to spend the money on student loan and fees… it is the cheapest loan she will ever get and she would be much better investing the money to let it grow, potentially in a property she could live in which would also negate the need for accomodation.

Secondly your Dad is an utter dimwit for giving 150k to an 18yr old teenager with no sense or understanding of money or living independently. She is already pissing his money up the wall.

He has shown favour to your brother and rewarded him for reproducing, which is not that hard to do. I bet your Mum would be horrified at his actions.

So sorry this has happened to you. I hope he makes amends and gives your son an equal amount - in trust, until he is mid twenties and not liable to act like an imbecile.

But her DF could live for another thirty or forty years or more. Or could have a mid life crisis and get taken for a ride by a money grabbing second wife, it happens. Or have more children. That happens too. The money her dear grandad has given her is money she can use now. Lucky girl.

Good idea: tell nurses to get 'better' jobs. Oh wait. Who will look after us when we're ill!
Nobody did anything of the sort, she’s just addressing op’s obvious seething jealousy of the fact that her brother out-earns her.

I agree with this. I’d be gutted too OP especially given how well off financially your brother and Niece.

Money is what we need for bare survival and for quality of life, though, isn't it. If things continue as they are, when OP's child is 18 it will be very difficult financially for them to get further training or a degree, they are likely to have to work long hours alongside studying, which is likely to affect their grades, and it will be hard to find money for housing.

One grandchild, already from a fantastically wealthy home beyond most people's wildest dreams, has been given an extraordinarily huge sum of money as a head start very, very few young people in the world could ever hope for.
The other at best will have a much smaller amount if at all and will have to struggle like other children from average families.

Jesus Christ sorry it happened to op? What happened to her? The money was never hers. She’s clearly got jealousy issues. Jealous of her brother who had the hood fortune to be financially comfortable after his bloody wife dead. How fortunate for him and his daughter. Maybe grandad wanted to give to a girl who had already lost so much. Anyone who thinks op is reasonable here is obtuse

I know lots of people who accept that life isn’t fair and who don’t stamp their feet and become bitter about it. My own parents favoured one of my siblings in their wills, and I have completely accepted that because I understand three very simple concepts- the first being that life isn’t fair, the second being that people can do what they want with their assets and the third being that as an adult offspring of theirs who they’ve more than adequately provided for in terms of upbringing and education, I was not entitled to anything from them and anything they chose to leave me was a bonus. It didn’t affect my relationship with them nor did it impact on how much care I provided for them in their later years because I’m not a mercenary grabby twat.

View it as your Dad paying in advance for all the help your Brother and his daughter will be providing him as he gets older and focus on enjoying your son now. It’s shit having to focus on a baby and provide care to an ageing parent & now you don’t have to do it.

As for your brother - I think what he did by accepting the full amount for his daughter was despicable. I had kids later than my siblings and there was an inheritance received early that was intended for gc. But my siblings (who had kids) insisted on sharing it equally between ‘parents’ rather than GC & I am the wealthiest one out of them. That is the right thing to do.

Erm yes, my comment was in reply to someone telling the OP to get a better job.

If things continue as they are, when OP's child is 18 it will be very difficult financially for them to get further training or a degree
Why? 😵‍💫

Because she was bitching about not earning as much as an accountant.
There’s only one answer to that, really.

It's incredibly difficult to find highly psid jobs, takes aptitude, years of training and the right opportunities to be there. Even harder when you are looking after a baby. And some people might have a vocation.

I don’t think your brother out earning you is an issue until he suddenly gets a huge boost for his dc to get her through uni when he could easily afford that and you’re missing out in the luxuries he gets. That feels unfair as your mum’s estate was unevenly shared. I’d be really hurt.

I’m not sure she could have got property anyway, she plans on going to UCL and property in London is insanely expensive.

There’s a good chance he became financially comfortable because of his wife’s death - I know quite a few people who have done really well after getting life insurance. But his daughter became financially comfortable because of a grandad who decided to give her all of the inheritance early. That girl has 150k plus another 150k her dad’s been saving for her from his income, plus there is very likely to be insurance money / inheritance from her mum’s family on top.

Meanwhile the grandson gets nothing.

Your father was a fool.