Parent gifts/Inheritance- unfair?

[ducksandquackers]

I’ll start with a little background, my parents were both from low income families, my dad went on to be a lawyer and my mum a teacher. My dad is now 77 my mum passed away 6 years ago.
I have one brother, he’s 50, I’m 42. He has one daughter who is 18, I have one son who is 8 months.
When my mum passed away my dad sold their home, bought a small one bedroom flat. Never really thought twice about what happened with the money. I guess I assumed it was out away in savings or something similar.
My brother is an accountant, makes £150,000+ a year, his wife passed away 7 years ago, he used her life insurance to pay off their mortgage and has been financially comfortable since. I’m a nurse, my husband a police officer. We aren’t struggling per se but in my family we are the worst off.

We met for a family meal last night, my brother, niece, husband, dad and son. I asked my niece if the new student loan changes would impact her as she’s due to go to uni after summer. She said no, she wouldn’t be getting a student loan. My husband joked asking how she would afford everything then and she said “Grandad gave me money for course fees and Accomodation”. I could tell my dad and brother didn’t want that to be something I knew.
I questioned my brother today. He told me when my dad sold the house, he gave a chunk of the money (£150,000) to my niece. At the time I’d said I’d never have children, so he wanted to give it to his granddaughter now rather than once he’s gone and can’t see her make use of it. My brother and I would get the split of the flat he’s currently in, anything left in pensions and some moneys he’s saved after he passes.
Now when I didn’t have kids this would be fair I think. I get that. But I do have a son now, not only has he missed out on a grandma on my side, and a grandad young enough to be able to play and look after him, he’s missed out on holidays with grandparents and all sorts. But also, he’s missed out on inheritance.
For years my brother has been putting £500-£1000 a month in savings for my niece, so she has a good amount in savings anyway. My husband and I have a mortgage and don’t make enough to save that sort of money for my son. My husbands parents won’t leave much in the way of inheritance and what they do is split between 6 grandkids.

So AIBU to think it’s not fair my niece gets all the money from my parents house? Even if she was the only grandchild at the point of the deal? She isn’t now and surely my son is just as entitled to that as she is? Should I talk to my dad?

How so?

The fact your brother is saving well for his daughter is irrelevant to the situation.

I get why your dad did it and as others have said you have no idea what is in the will.

I would just speak to your dad and check that things will be evened up in the will. Does he plan for your child to inherit £150k then the rest to be split between you and your brother, for instance?

Your dad was a lawyer. He must be intelligent enough to know that giving away £150k to one grandchild might lead to issues later on. Speak to him and find out what his plans are

Obviously on mn that will be the unpopular choice but it's what most people irl would do. Mn just attracts the oddbods

I can understand why you are upset but it sounds as though it has done now. If your dad has already given the money to your niece you can't ask him to take it back. As you say you told him you would never have children so it was understandable.
I don't think you should talk to your dad. It could be he is planning to leave the flat to your son rather than you and your brother

What issues would giving some money to your only grandchild lead to that have a recourse in law?
His plans for the rest of his dosh are his own business.
Honestly, if any child of mine sat me down for a “chat” to ensure my money was being willed they way they wanted it, they’d be told exactly what I thought of them and I’d likely change my mind as to their portion of it.

I would speak to your Dad but not bring up that you're the 'poor relation', only has he thought of gifting your DS the same amount in his will.

This is really distasteful. You're actually using the fact that your niece lost her mother as a child (and your brother his wife) and thus financially benefited from the life insurance as a justification for why your son deserves an inheritance. I'm prepared to bet that your niece and brother would give up every penny for just one more day with their wife and mother.

Your Dad made a decision based on the information he had at the time (that you offered him) and there's nothing he can do about it now. Just enjoy your son and the time you have with your loved ones and stop being jealous of a bereaved family because they have more money than you.

He's an accountant but she's not taking her student loan?? What a stupid accountant.

How grabby. There might be none left anyway if he has to go into care.

His wife dying and your career choice are irrelevant here.

Because she should take the loan and invest that money.

I did ask my brother about this as I was also told it was a good debt to take on.
He said he’d spoken to her and she just didn’t want any debt finishing uni, even in the form of a student loan, he explained to her about it but she didn’t want it and ultimately it’s her money to spend.
He intends to help her build credit by letting her use his credit cards as an authorised user 😬.

That you’re worse of isn’t your father’s responsibility to rectify. Nor is it your brothers.

He’s fully entitled to choose how he wants to spend his money. And it is his money, not ‘your inheritance’.

Grabby much??

Your baby is only eight months old. Perhaps your dad has made a provision for him.

It was your dad's decision to give your nice the money so he could have the pleasure of making her happy and enabling her to go to university without the additional burden of getting in debt.

It's not fair to say your ds has missed out on your parents being there for him and now he's missed out on not getting money for university.

Sure. She might be, though? The loan doesn’t cover everything, and op just mentioned accommodation, not tuition fees.
She could even use it as a deposit on a flat rather than pay student rent for 3/4 years.

It’s not your money - you don’t get a say in how
much or who your dad gives his money to. Sorry!

I suspect both the fact that you were not expecting to have children and the loss of niece's mother were big and, at the time, reasonable factors in the decision by your father.
What would now be 'fair' would be for your son to inherit a similar sum on your father's death. It would be a reasonable, if difficult, conversation to have and I would be horrified if your brother objected to it.

Oh, duh!
It’s all in op’s first post 🤦‍♀️
Sorry!

Sounds like your niece has had a hard enough time in her life losing her mother at only ?11, sure you and Dh might not be well off but your in a far better position than your poor brother and niece. If that wasn’t the case and your niece and son were both on the scene at the time of the decision then I can see why you might have been a bit sad and perplexed as to why your child was left out. I do think however given the circumstances you are being completely unreasonable

He gifted money to his only grandchild. You had said that you were not having any DC. It is not your DF's problem if that has since changed. Any conversation with him about what you perceive to be your future inheritance will make you look grabby.

Your dad did what he thought was best at the time. He couldn't anticipate that you would change your mind, and he definitely shouldn't ask for the money back.

It's his money. You have to suck it up. Your son has two loving parents, long May that continue.

YANBU to want fairness, I think anyone would want the same (except the Mumsnet angels who want the opposite of any OP generally).

I don't think there's much you can do. Your dad should have had a conversation with your brother 8 months ago to reclaim some of the money, explaining to him and your neice that it's only fair that new grandchild gets some of the money. Not ideal, I know, but that's what's fair as the money isn't spent yet.

Perhaps your dad has plans to leave the whole flat value to your son instead?

He can't take it back from her though can he ??

She may have spent it anyways !

I think you can't really ask because you told him you weren't having kids and he made a decision at that point based on that info .

Your dad should have had a conversation with your brother 8 months ago to reclaim some of the money, explaining to him and your neice that it's only fair that new grandchild gets some of the money
Jesus H Christ…
No. That is not how normal people conduct themselves.
Bloody hell.