Parent gifts/Inheritance- unfair?

[ducksandquackers]

I’ll start with a little background, my parents were both from low income families, my dad went on to be a lawyer and my mum a teacher. My dad is now 77 my mum passed away 6 years ago.
I have one brother, he’s 50, I’m 42. He has one daughter who is 18, I have one son who is 8 months.
When my mum passed away my dad sold their home, bought a small one bedroom flat. Never really thought twice about what happened with the money. I guess I assumed it was out away in savings or something similar.
My brother is an accountant, makes £150,000+ a year, his wife passed away 7 years ago, he used her life insurance to pay off their mortgage and has been financially comfortable since. I’m a nurse, my husband a police officer. We aren’t struggling per se but in my family we are the worst off.

We met for a family meal last night, my brother, niece, husband, dad and son. I asked my niece if the new student loan changes would impact her as she’s due to go to uni after summer. She said no, she wouldn’t be getting a student loan. My husband joked asking how she would afford everything then and she said “Grandad gave me money for course fees and Accomodation”. I could tell my dad and brother didn’t want that to be something I knew.
I questioned my brother today. He told me when my dad sold the house, he gave a chunk of the money (£150,000) to my niece. At the time I’d said I’d never have children, so he wanted to give it to his granddaughter now rather than once he’s gone and can’t see her make use of it. My brother and I would get the split of the flat he’s currently in, anything left in pensions and some moneys he’s saved after he passes.
Now when I didn’t have kids this would be fair I think. I get that. But I do have a son now, not only has he missed out on a grandma on my side, and a grandad young enough to be able to play and look after him, he’s missed out on holidays with grandparents and all sorts. But also, he’s missed out on inheritance.
For years my brother has been putting £500-£1000 a month in savings for my niece, so she has a good amount in savings anyway. My husband and I have a mortgage and don’t make enough to save that sort of money for my son. My husbands parents won’t leave much in the way of inheritance and what they do is split between 6 grandkids.

So AIBU to think it’s not fair my niece gets all the money from my parents house? Even if she was the only grandchild at the point of the deal? She isn’t now and surely my son is just as entitled to that as she is? Should I talk to my dad?

No doubt your brother will tell your father that you know. So perhaps your father might say something.

I hope she's not studying anything that involves maths or logic at uni

It is lovely that your Dad has been able to fund your neice through University so she can graduate without being in debt

I can understand you feeling a bit miffed that your son won't benefit the same way but realistically what do you expect your Dad to do now to make things fairer? He presumably doesn't have another spare £150k but I imagine he may well include your son in his will

There is a strong possibility that you will have inherited half your Dad's flat by the time your son is 18 so he may still be able to benefit from his Grandads money if he chooses to go to University

Politics and International Relations … dare I say she’s about as logical as the politicians who have been running the country lately, the future for politics is looking bright 👀

Why? What's wrong with grandad financially acknowledging that he now has two grandchildren?

I would fully understand if that was my situation. In fact, I'd probably offer half the money myself if I was her brother, knowing that's what's fair.

“But I do have a son now, not only has he missed out on a grandma on my side, and a grandad young enough to be able to play and look after him, he’s missed out on holidays with grandparents and all sorts. But also, he’s missed out on inheritance.”

But that “missing out” is, bluntly, because you had your DS far later. Sometimes life isn’t fair and it’s no one’s fault, that’s just how it is. And it’s beyond crass to talk about your son missing out on a relationship with a grandmother he never knew as some kind of comparison to someone who lost her own mother as a child.

Your Dad chose, reasonably enough, to give a financial gift to what he was given every reason to think would be his only grandchild, and one that lost her mother as a child. That’s a pretty whopping life disadvantage!

One of my aunts was pissed off for years her children “missed out” on legacies of a few hundred pounds in my grandparents wills. The children weren’t even born until they were both dead! Some things just can’t be evened out or made fair.

What if DB remarried and had another child?
I am a bit shocked at giving one GC £150000 for uni and not giving anything at all to your own children.

His money, his choice.

My parents were very unreasonable in giving my DB's family much more than mine, but that was their stupid decision & I've got to live with it.

Frankly, my brother was always my dads favourite, and my niece benefited greatly from that. My brother didn’t need the money, and well as per I was forgotten about, so niece gets it. Frankly she has my dad wrapped around her little finger, gets whatever she asks for.

Yes, me too. £150k is way too much to give an 18 year old in my opinion. I guess he's trying to avoid tax as much as possible (which is understandable, but not fair to OP at all).

I can't believe how much you and your DH quizzed your 18 yo niece about her finances over a family meal. Really none of your business.

The right thing to do if he doesn't want to create a rift is make up the imbalance in his will

Oh help. I was hoping it was going to be something like history of art.

You sound pretty unpleasant, not to mention grabby.

You weren’t forgotten about. At the time he sold the property and gave her the money, she was his only grandchild and he was under the impression she would remain his only grandchild. It’s not his fault you changed your mind about having a child.

I suspect this is really what it's about. Given you and your husband are both public sector workers, it's surprising he'd give £150k to his granddaughter and not a penny to your family yet.

Does your dad like your husband?

So you think you should have had the money?
The fact that you had a child 7 years later isn’t even the relevant point in your argument; you thought because your brother earns better than you, you should have been handed the money.
Breathtaking.

Why are you being so personal to OP?

So AIBU to think it’s not fair my niece gets all the money from my parents house? Even if she was the only grandchild at the point of the deal? She isn’t now and surely my son is just as entitled to that as she is? Should I talk to my dad?
her mother is dead.
she was not the only grandchild at the point of ‘the deal’, she was the only grandchild at the time of the death of her grandma. This is her inheritance from her grandma.
your son was not entitled to inheritance from his grandmothers death as he wasnt born. You, on the other hand, sound incredibly entitled.
why do your jobs makes a difference? Why do they matter at all?

personally in think inheritance should be left equally to children, not to grandchildren at all.

No not really, my dad has a habit of forgetting where he came from, got some money (albeit from working hard and I appreciate that) and let it go to his head, my brother and his wife were accountants, a career he approved of. Was never happy with my career path or that I chose to marry someone who also would never be earning large amounts.

You sound really bitter OP.

You aren’t entitled to the money and neither is your son. This isn’t yours and your brothers money, it shouldn’t have been ‘split 50/50’. You DF decided to give a lump sum to your niece, who is her own person. That was his choice. Maybe he will give something to your child, maybe not. But this isn’t about your brother and you, it’s a private thing between your DF and his granddaughter.

I hope she smashes university and gets an amazing job and gives you two fingers to be honest. You’re saying some mean stuff about your family and it’s all because you’re bitter about money. It’s not your nieces fault, don’t blame her.

And what if he doesn't have a spare £150K? And considering this was to his granddaughter I'm assuming he now doesn't want to disinherit his son.

It’s not about the money; it’s the way in which the OPs dad and brother went about it. I’ve no doubt that the OP feels like her dad thinks she’s second best and her feelings are t worth considering. Her DF doesn’t seem to have struggled to discuss his intentions with her DB, so why exclude the OP unless he knew he was being unfair and she would have been upset by his disregard for her?
Of course, it’s the OPs DF’s money and he can dispose of it how he likes - though it’s a very odd (foolish) decision to gift such a large sum to the DN considering the legal and tax implications of doing so.; not a financially astute move at all. She doesn’t need that much money to go to college!
Still, I don’t think there’s any reason why the OP. can’t say she feels slighted and excluded without it bring about the money per se.

I’m with you on this one OP. I think inheritance should be split equally between children to avoid exactly this situation. Grandchildren shouldn’t come into it. Otherwise it’s unfair if one child has two children and one four, etc, and those with no children basically don’t inherit or get much less, which isn’t fair.

That being said, I’m not sure there’s anything you can do now. He can’t very well take the money back from your niece and you’ll just cause a family rift, I imagine. But I do sympathise as I would feel the same.

Wow!

Do you think that’s possibly because her mum died? And she was the only grandchild. And the only grandchild there was ever going to be. It’s not unusual in families where there only one grandchild, that everyone dotes on her.

You keep talking about what you don’t have, what your child is missing out on. But nothing much about what you niece has missed out ones

and honestly, my dd is at uni. If my brother was sat quizzing her about her finances I would tell him he was being rude.