Parent gifts/Inheritance- unfair?

[ducksandquackers]

I’ll start with a little background, my parents were both from low income families, my dad went on to be a lawyer and my mum a teacher. My dad is now 77 my mum passed away 6 years ago.
I have one brother, he’s 50, I’m 42. He has one daughter who is 18, I have one son who is 8 months.
When my mum passed away my dad sold their home, bought a small one bedroom flat. Never really thought twice about what happened with the money. I guess I assumed it was out away in savings or something similar.
My brother is an accountant, makes £150,000+ a year, his wife passed away 7 years ago, he used her life insurance to pay off their mortgage and has been financially comfortable since. I’m a nurse, my husband a police officer. We aren’t struggling per se but in my family we are the worst off.

We met for a family meal last night, my brother, niece, husband, dad and son. I asked my niece if the new student loan changes would impact her as she’s due to go to uni after summer. She said no, she wouldn’t be getting a student loan. My husband joked asking how she would afford everything then and she said “Grandad gave me money for course fees and Accomodation”. I could tell my dad and brother didn’t want that to be something I knew.
I questioned my brother today. He told me when my dad sold the house, he gave a chunk of the money (£150,000) to my niece. At the time I’d said I’d never have children, so he wanted to give it to his granddaughter now rather than once he’s gone and can’t see her make use of it. My brother and I would get the split of the flat he’s currently in, anything left in pensions and some moneys he’s saved after he passes.
Now when I didn’t have kids this would be fair I think. I get that. But I do have a son now, not only has he missed out on a grandma on my side, and a grandad young enough to be able to play and look after him, he’s missed out on holidays with grandparents and all sorts. But also, he’s missed out on inheritance.
For years my brother has been putting £500-£1000 a month in savings for my niece, so she has a good amount in savings anyway. My husband and I have a mortgage and don’t make enough to save that sort of money for my son. My husbands parents won’t leave much in the way of inheritance and what they do is split between 6 grandkids.

So AIBU to think it’s not fair my niece gets all the money from my parents house? Even if she was the only grandchild at the point of the deal? She isn’t now and surely my son is just as entitled to that as she is? Should I talk to my dad?

Because someone who describes a grandchild who has lost their mother, in the way the OP has, sounds unpleasant. IMO her view on what her son is 'entitled' to sounds grabby. I find it odd that you didn't understand that.

It sounds as though you’re the one bitter and twisted about your career path, and jealous that your brother is on a more secure financial footing.
Presumably your own choice? 🤷🏻‍♀️
Why should someone gift you large amounts of money to make it “fair”?

You are being pretty unpleasant about your family. It seems very obvious you resent their financial success/security. No wonder they don't want to sub you for the choices you made, when you seem so disparaging of their lives and choices.

At some point it's reasonable for parents to have a favourite.
As adults with their own personality it's easy to like and dislike certain aspects of a human.

Maybe he disliked your fmjob choices because you can be so grabby?

She lost her mum. I think as far as unfair goes, she's had her fill of it.

You’re sounding more bitter, resentful and just generally unpleasant the more you post and reveal. Your dad made the gift based on your statement that you would never be having kids. Your brother and his salary, savings or circumstances have nothing to do with anything. And I bet your niece would rather have her mother than have her tuition and accommodation paid for. Let it go, you’ll get what you get when your dad passes. How sad that you’re more concerned with that than family relationships.

Politics and International Relations … dare I say she’s about as logical as the politicians who have been running the country lately, the future for politics is looking bright 👀

You should very bitter. Don't be unkind to your niece- she did nothing wrong.

Second time in 2 days where the Ops claims about a sibling being the golden child, but it not ringing true.

Both Ops obsessed over money and how they are owed because the sibling earns more. Both banging on about what they have lost how hard things are for them.

and in both cases, it sounds like the sibling is closer to family because the Op has an attitude problem with their family.

I don’t know why you are getting such a hard time. It’s clear the grand daughter has plenty of financial support from her father and it would have been nice for you to be afforded the same opportunity. I can understand why that hurts a bit. MN is really funny about inheritance. Yes they can spend it how they want but it would be nice for it to feel fair as a family member.

Unfortunately, the golden child isn’t necessarily the one who takes on the care of elderly parents. By default, the burden seems to fall more on the ‘lesser’ child - the one with the (perceived) less demanding career, or none, the one who’s more ‘available’ and ‘good at looking after people’ or ‘more organised’ ie. a daughter.

This - what a nasty thing to say about your niece. You are clearly bitter, but that is just downright spiteful.

But I do have a son now, not only has he missed out on a grandma on my side, and a grandad young enough to be able to play and look after him, he’s missed out on holidays with grandparents and all sorts.

And your niece has missed out on having a mother since she was 11 years old.

You said you weren't having children, your father saw his only grandchild losing her mother at a very young age. I can entirely understand why he did what he did.

She lost her mum, your dad made the decision before you had a child. If something had also happened to your brother then your niece would have had some financial security. I can’t imagine how DH and DD would feel if I died. I think your dad should even it up later but he made the best decision he could with the information he had at the time.

I think you need to be a bit more compassionate towards your niece here and your brother who lost his wife.

It’s not inheritance because the father is still alive. He decided to help out his grand child. As a gift. At the time op was adamant she wasn’t having kids. So there was only ever going to be one grandchild to consider.

and Op is getting a hard time because she whining about what her son is missing out on but has no empathy for a teenager whose mum died when she was a child and is missing out on a lot. Op then grilled her about her finances and then is having a pop at her own niece.

Sometimes on MN I wonder. Are they the golden child. Or are they just likeable as a human compared to the other person?

How horrible are you?!

All OP wants is to be treated fairly. That's normal for any siblings.

Why should op be “afforded the same opportunity”?
She presumably had the same educational opportunities as her brother, why should she be looked after by her father as a grown adult with a family of her own because she hasn’t maximised her own earning power??

Suck it up, frankly. He doesn’t ‘need’ the money in order for your father to give it to him, and nor does your niece. It’s his money to do what he likes with, he isn’t required to be ‘fair’.

I don’t see that your brother’s financial circumstances come into things but I do think that a pre-teen whose mother had just died and whose grandmother had also recently died is almost never going to be in situation to envy. I guarantee that she would swap £150k for her mother.

If the inheritance was given now, then I would agree that it was unfair. However, lots of people try to give away money whilst they can and before they are taxed on it, so you have to look at what was fair at the time and you admit that you think it was fair whilst you were childless.

If I was your dad, I would be planning on extra for your son but it’s a choice he makes and not something your son is entitled to or you should be talking to your dad about to ensure takes place.

It should've been split between you and your brother because although technically its gone to your niece it's benefitting your brother also and so you have been excluded.

I think the opinion divide here is people who have kids vs those that don't!

She hasn’t been treated unfairly.

Hell yes. She could have blown the lot on hair extensions, Botox,lip fillers and new tits, and bought a little sports car with horrendous insurance.

How very shortsighted of her to invest in her own career and secure her future financially.

@Noicant As a high earning accountant, surely the OP’s DB has life insurance, a pension, savings and other assets ( including a mortgage free house) which would have secured his daughter’s financial future ? No need for her to be dependant on her DGF at all if, heaven forbid, she’d lost her DF as well.

I think the opinion divide here is people who have kids vs those that don't!
Really, no 🙄

Yeah, I’ve heard siblings whine about things not being fair. When they’re 8 or 9. Not so much as adults.