Parent gifts/Inheritance- unfair?

[ducksandquackers]

I’ll start with a little background, my parents were both from low income families, my dad went on to be a lawyer and my mum a teacher. My dad is now 77 my mum passed away 6 years ago.
I have one brother, he’s 50, I’m 42. He has one daughter who is 18, I have one son who is 8 months.
When my mum passed away my dad sold their home, bought a small one bedroom flat. Never really thought twice about what happened with the money. I guess I assumed it was out away in savings or something similar.
My brother is an accountant, makes £150,000+ a year, his wife passed away 7 years ago, he used her life insurance to pay off their mortgage and has been financially comfortable since. I’m a nurse, my husband a police officer. We aren’t struggling per se but in my family we are the worst off.

We met for a family meal last night, my brother, niece, husband, dad and son. I asked my niece if the new student loan changes would impact her as she’s due to go to uni after summer. She said no, she wouldn’t be getting a student loan. My husband joked asking how she would afford everything then and she said “Grandad gave me money for course fees and Accomodation”. I could tell my dad and brother didn’t want that to be something I knew.
I questioned my brother today. He told me when my dad sold the house, he gave a chunk of the money (£150,000) to my niece. At the time I’d said I’d never have children, so he wanted to give it to his granddaughter now rather than once he’s gone and can’t see her make use of it. My brother and I would get the split of the flat he’s currently in, anything left in pensions and some moneys he’s saved after he passes.
Now when I didn’t have kids this would be fair I think. I get that. But I do have a son now, not only has he missed out on a grandma on my side, and a grandad young enough to be able to play and look after him, he’s missed out on holidays with grandparents and all sorts. But also, he’s missed out on inheritance.
For years my brother has been putting £500-£1000 a month in savings for my niece, so she has a good amount in savings anyway. My husband and I have a mortgage and don’t make enough to save that sort of money for my son. My husbands parents won’t leave much in the way of inheritance and what they do is split between 6 grandkids.

So AIBU to think it’s not fair my niece gets all the money from my parents house? Even if she was the only grandchild at the point of the deal? She isn’t now and surely my son is just as entitled to that as she is? Should I talk to my dad?

It's very difficult indeed at the moment unless you have money to pay for it. It's far harder for younger generations than it was when I went to university.

@ducksandquackers what has your brother said? Has he offered to split it?

What your dad does with his money is none of your business. It's very kind that he is looking after his granddaughter who lost her mum at a young age in this way. You don't know what he has done with the rest of his money. It's none of your business. None.

Well yes, we all need money to survive.

However OPs dad is still alive (and for all we know his circumsatnces may have changed since he gifted his grandaughter the money) And, as I said in the very first post on this thread, he may well have made provision for OPs kids in his will. As it stands, he was told she never wanted kids when he gave the 150k to his only grandchild. An 8 month old baby does not need access to 150k and he could well be planning to even things up when he finally dies.

BIT, even if he doesn't, OP shouldn't fall out with her brother. That would be madness.

Your dad and brother tried to hide it from you as they both know its wrong.

Obviously it's appalling that people in essential and difficult jobs such as nursing don't earn as much, but the solution isn't to have an excess of accountants and an even greater deficit of nurses!

Yet. His Grandfather is alive and kicking.
Although to be fair, yes, his parents have given him nothing.
Maybe op could have a go at her brother about that too? Get him to right that obvious wrong?

The bus doesn't go there...

I wasn’t putting it forward as an actual solution.
The jealousy of someone earning more is downright weird, though.

Although it seems unfair, your grandad did a nice gesture to what he thought was going to be his only grandchild, and wanted to give practical help to her. Yours and your siblings incomes are irrelevant to this.

This is a tricky one. Whilst it is very much his prerogative to do what he wants with his money, my family have always taken the 'what you do for one, you have to do for the others.'

It does sound like your brother is the golden child. But he did make the decision based on the information he had at the time. It is still entirely his choice what he does with his money and how he splits the inheritance. So I don't really think you are in the position to raise it. Personally, I think the decent thing would be to gift grandson same or to assign same amount to him in will them the rest split. But it's entirely his prerogative and he's not obliged to. But you can certainly be sad that it seems your son is not going to get the same advantage as your niece.

He claims it’s not his money to split, and he won’t be asking my niece to. Our dad gave it to her (she got access to it when she turned 18 a few months ago) as a gift.
So far she’s paid for a trip this summer, plans to pay uni and accommodation with it but hasn’t spend much else of it and has asked her dad to help her with make good use of it.
Ofcourse she hasn’t spent it though as between my brother and dad, one flutter of the eye lashes and she has whatever she wants!!

I agree. I think the fact it was kept from her intentionally, rather than discussed openly by her father at the time the decision was made, is what is hurtful.

If the OP is able to talk about it with her father and ask if there's any way he can help her child in the future should they need it, that would be sensible, rather than falling out with her brother.

It’s not up to you to decide where that money goes and your dad can not make revision to a child that was not there . What dobrou expect your dada to do now , ask her for the money to give a 8 month baby ? Your child is 8 months you have over a decade to put money aside

Your dad did a nice thing which was fair at the time. Things change but getting bitter about it will not end well.
When he dies will you be wanting the value of missed birthday and Christmas gifts or accepting that your choice to have children later means things are different.
I’d let it go or you will only come across as money grabbing.

£150,000 in a decade? On normal salaries in a cost of living crisis? It would be unusual if they're able to save a tenth of that.

LMFAO, more spite aimed at the niece who has done fuck all wrong. Elder care as a punishment for having the audacity to accept money offered. If the grandfather wants to give help to his adult niece that’s up to him, it’s not for OP or her brother to tell him not to.

It may be that it’s never ‘evened up’ between the grandchildren. That’s entirely up to OP’s father. OP and her son aren’t owed money that isn’t theirs.

Ofcourse she hasn’t spent it though as between my brother and dad, one flutter of the eye lashes and she has whatever she wants!!

you sound nastier and nastier with every post, tbh

Being this bitter and jealous of your niece really isn't a good look. Imagine if the rest of the family spoke about your son they way you speak about your niece. Horrible.

Feel free to sit and seethe about it I guess 🤷🏻‍♀️

There is 18 year's difference between the cousins - it's another 18 years before yours goes to uni (which they may choose not to do) - sometimes that's just how the cookie crumbles especially when you don't have kids until you are in your 40s and your mum died years before and inheritance was passed on then

It isn't weird, it's natural considering we live in an increasingly unequal society where inequality has been shown to lead to many negative outcomes for society and individuals.

Your last post is really mean about a young girl who has lost her mum. Not a good look.

YANBU. The money from the sale should have been split between you and your brother and then your brother could have passed his part on to your niece if he wanted.

Of course they're doing the right thing by not taking out the student loan. It's a 9% hit to her wages for 40 years of her career.

It is no longer a 'good loan to have'- you are way out of date. It is a graduate tax.

Frankly you sound extremely jealous of your niece which will be quite obvious to everyone around you.