Page 9 | I spent the petrol money on food

WellNoprawnsleftthen · 2023-06-11T10:41:20+00:00

So now I’m the wicked stepmother SD’s are 13 and 15. Here EOW. This weekend the plan was dh taking them out yesterday then eating out. Today DH was taking them early for an activity they wanted to do and this afternoon a family bbq. Yesterday morning I did the food shop for the bbq. Got up this morning to find they had eaten about 75% of the food , were talking a massive box of strawberries, big pack of mango and pineapple , pack of meringues and ice cream. Crisps, Prawns, sausage rolls, half of a pasta salad, cheeses, deli meats and cooked the bread and had that. After having a meal out ? Apparently they were hungry. We’re on a tight budget so I have used the money set aside today for petrol mostly (plus some for drinks snacks etc) and replaced it all. I’ve now gone out in the car for a coffee and to get away and will go back soon just before my family get there. Im now the evil stepmother. I told DH get an Uber and use your own money if you still want to go out as I’m furious he didn’t back me up at all just said ‘well they are teenagers ! But I had SAID to everyone what fod was for today and there were other snacks available (full fruit bowl, yogurts, cereal bars etc)

Swrigh1234 · 11/06/2023 16:27

In these situations, it’s always the children that suffer. Seems that they are not allowed to eat in their father’s house. Can’t imagine biological parents living together would be be keeping tabs on what their children eat.

doingthehokeykokey · 11/06/2023 16:29

Ewww, he’s a prize. Glad your SD are getting a good example from you OP, as he’s certainly not doing well.

doingthehokeykokey · 11/06/2023 16:30

Swrigh1234 · 11/06/2023 16:27

In these situations, it’s always the children that suffer. Seems that they are not allowed to eat in their father’s house. Can’t imagine biological parents living together would be be keeping tabs on what their children eat.

What a ridiculous comment. Read the OP’s comments and you see plenty of options.

BadNomad · 11/06/2023 16:30

Swrigh1234 · 11/06/2023 16:27

In these situations, it’s always the children that suffer. Seems that they are not allowed to eat in their father’s house. Can’t imagine biological parents living together would be be keeping tabs on what their children eat.

I'm pretty sure biological children wouldn't be allowed to eat tomorrow's BBQ food either.

slithytoveisascientist · 11/06/2023 16:32

Swrigh1234 · 11/06/2023 16:27

In these situations, it’s always the children that suffer. Seems that they are not allowed to eat in their father’s house. Can’t imagine biological parents living together would be be keeping tabs on what their children eat.

Just on this point:

My husband and I (yes, the biological parents ) definitely do keep tabs on our children's eating, otherwise they would plow through a weeks worth of lunchbox snacks and sandwich filling in a weekend.

DS in particular would happily eat a full packet of ham not realising it's meant for everyone.

They would also fill up on sugary shit and not want to eat their meals.

It's pretty normal to keep an eye on what your kids eat I think and not give free rein.

Hyppogriff · 11/06/2023 16:32

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pillsthrillsandbellyache · 11/06/2023 16:32

Swrigh1234 · 11/06/2023 16:27

In these situations, it’s always the children that suffer. Seems that they are not allowed to eat in their father’s house. Can’t imagine biological parents living together would be be keeping tabs on what their children eat.

Food for a bbq? My kids definitely wouldn't be eating it. I'd point it out and that would be that. If they were stupid enough to eat it then I would come down on them like a tonne of bricks and do exactly what OP did. 'Not allowed to eat in their fathers house'? Have you read any of the thread? Or just spreading your misery on this beautiful day?

slithytoveisascientist · 11/06/2023 16:33

I agree with you OP.
Do you and your husband have shared children? He doesn't seem like a great partner.

mayorofcasterbridge · 11/06/2023 16:35

Swrigh1234 · 11/06/2023 16:27

In these situations, it’s always the children that suffer. Seems that they are not allowed to eat in their father’s house. Can’t imagine biological parents living together would be be keeping tabs on what their children eat.

Wise up!!!

pinkyredrose · 11/06/2023 16:36

Swrigh1234 · 11/06/2023 16:27

In these situations, it’s always the children that suffer. Seems that they are not allowed to eat in their father’s house. Can’t imagine biological parents living together would be be keeping tabs on what their children eat.

Haha! Have you read all the OPs posts?

JumbleAndKitchen · 11/06/2023 16:36

If their father was eating the food, there’s no way the dsd could be expected not to. I don’t think they were in the wrong at all here - in their position, they could reasonably assume that maybe it wasn’t the bbq food (and they’d misunderstood what was), or that it was the food but not actually that important, or that their dad would fix in the morning by replacing.

They are completely innocent - the alternative would have been to realise that all the above assumptions were incorrect and stand up to their dad, refusing to join in the late night feast.

NoSquirrels · 11/06/2023 16:38

WellNoprawnsleftthen · 11/06/2023 16:01

It transpires that DH joined in with eating the food ….. younger sd burst into tears about it all and said to him ‘YOU had the bread and cheese and ham and now we are getting the blame ‘ he is saying he forgot as bread and cheese isn’t typical bbq food and he had had a long day and was exhausted so didn’t remember etc etc etc ……

Could’ve seen that one coming, tbh. Your ‘D’H is a ‘Dickhead’ I’m afraid.

So he OK-ed them eating the food, he ate some himself, he didn’t own up to his part in it, he couldn’t be trusted to go to the supermarket to replace it (you thought he’d just do the activity with the girls instead and ‘forget’), he didn’t take his kids out if it meant spending his own money…

I really hope this is a one-off weekend but I’d want to get to the bottom of it if it is.

mayorofcasterbridge · 11/06/2023 16:39

Their dad is the wanker here - he should put the money you spent on the additional shop, and he should also have admitted his role in it when you brought the matter up!

Also shocked that you are contributing towards maintenance/activities! That's bizarre.

Soubriquet · 11/06/2023 16:40

Swrigh1234 · 11/06/2023 16:27

In these situations, it’s always the children that suffer. Seems that they are not allowed to eat in their father’s house. Can’t imagine biological parents living together would be be keeping tabs on what their children eat.

Yeah my BIO kids aren’t allowed to help themselves with whatever they want. We can’t afford them to.

They can have fruit but anything else they need to ask

billy1966 · 11/06/2023 16:41

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aSofaNearYou · 11/06/2023 16:41

JumbleAndKitchen · 11/06/2023 16:36

If their father was eating the food, there’s no way the dsd could be expected not to. I don’t think they were in the wrong at all here - in their position, they could reasonably assume that maybe it wasn’t the bbq food (and they’d misunderstood what was), or that it was the food but not actually that important, or that their dad would fix in the morning by replacing.

They are completely innocent - the alternative would have been to realise that all the above assumptions were incorrect and stand up to their dad, refusing to join in the late night feast.

Yes but it's not OPs fault he hid that information from her.

rightioly · 11/06/2023 16:44

Swrigh1234 · 11/06/2023 16:27

In these situations, it’s always the children that suffer. Seems that they are not allowed to eat in their father’s house. Can’t imagine biological parents living together would be be keeping tabs on what their children eat.

It's absolutely normal in households with more than one person in to say "look don't eat this alright I've got plans for it" or it may be obvious that the big fancy dessert isn't just for eating when you feel like it. I don't know who these people are that don't ever meal plan even loosely and just buy random fancy steak etc and don't mind if it all just gets eaten. There must be loads of food waste or times when one person doesn't have any food.

JumbleAndKitchen · 11/06/2023 16:44

@aSofaNearYou you’re absolutely right. But she does know now.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 11/06/2023 16:45

It’s clearly the DH who’s in the wrong - both my eating the food to start with and then by letting the girls take the blame. How nasty of him.

He should of course have replaced it all.

In your shoes I don’t see what else you could have done as you needed to replace the food, and you couldn’t have him going off with the car, not in this weather.

Whatt · 11/06/2023 16:45

Swrigh1234 · 11/06/2023 16:27

In these situations, it’s always the children that suffer. Seems that they are not allowed to eat in their father’s house. Can’t imagine biological parents living together would be be keeping tabs on what their children eat.

My kids have me and their dad living together and they have to ask me to eat anything except drinks. So your wrong there.

Original poster

WellNoprawnsleftthen · 11/06/2023 16:45

slithytoveisascientist · 11/06/2023 16:33

I agree with you OP.
Do you and your husband have shared children? He doesn't seem like a great partner.

No we don’t

OP posts:

rightioly · 11/06/2023 16:46

Whatt · 11/06/2023 16:45

My kids have me and their dad living together and they have to ask me to eat anything except drinks. So your wrong there.

Show quote history

I mean my dh and I are always asking each other - is this xyz for general consumption if we aren't sure. Nothing worse than coming to make dinner and finding a main bit of dinner missing

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 11/06/2023 16:47

Of course I hide certain things from my ds during the week, as all the snacks would otherwise be gone in the first couple of days, and there’d been nothing for pack lunches. He’s 9, but a bit bonkers for anything “packaged” or treat type food.

My teen Dd is better so I wouldn’t be hiding things from her specifically

Daleksatemyshed · 11/06/2023 16:55

So now you know why he didn't think your DSD eating the barbeque food was a problem. I expect it turned into a secret Dad and dd's feast but they got carried away. At least your DSD has said sorry which is more mature than their DF, let him go and sulk.
He has it too easy with you Op and he doesn't appreciate it, very few women would pay towards the child support. When the girls are gone you need to have a serious talk with him about him being a sulky arse

NowItsLikeSnowAtTheBeach · 11/06/2023 16:57

Maintenance already comes out of the joint account and also we budget from that for the girl’s activities too so really it shouldn’t actually be an issue for DH to have used some of ‘his’ money for his own children today. He decided to sulk and not bother rather than pay for a taxi and any other costs himself . I think younger sd can see what’s going on as she’s been very apologetic and also dropped DH in it when he was letting them take the blame which was nasty in my opinion as he could have owned up.

He sounds a real charmer to happily take your money month in and month out to support his children who primarily live elsewhere (maintenance), but refused to spend his own to take them out as promised.

Arsehole.

I’ve spoken to them all and I’ve made it clear that DH was wrong to not own up and let them take the blame but equally they did know it wasn’t snack food. Girls actually seem ok and seem to understand it’s DH in a right mood he’s now said that I’m undermining him and telling him off like he’s a child too.

He's been caught out being a selfish arsehole. That's on him, not you. And he WAS acting like a child trying to blame children for his actions and choices.

I think he’s probably going to storm off in a bit but I’m going to go back out to the garden now and try to get on with the rest of the day !

To avoid doing his share of preparing the house for guests, no doubt. His 'excuse' is how you've treated him ... entirely fairly ... but he's pretending not to see he's been a complete arsehole here.