I spent the petrol money on food

[WellNoprawnsleftthen]

So now I’m the wicked stepmother

SD’s are 13 and 15. Here EOW. This weekend the plan was dh taking them out yesterday then eating out. Today DH was taking them early for an activity they wanted to do and this afternoon a family bbq.

Yesterday morning I did the food shop for the bbq.

Got up this morning to find they had eaten about 75% of the food , were talking a massive box of strawberries, big pack of mango and pineapple , pack of meringues and ice cream. Crisps, Prawns, sausage rolls, half of a pasta salad, cheeses, deli meats and cooked the bread and had that. After having a meal out ?

Apparently they were hungry. We’re on a tight budget so I have used the money set aside today for petrol mostly (plus some for drinks snacks etc) and replaced it all. I’ve now gone out in the car for a coffee and to get away and will go back soon just before my family get there.

Im now the evil stepmother. I told DH get an Uber and use your own money if you still want to go out as I’m furious he didn’t back me up at all just said ‘well they are teenagers ! But I had SAID to everyone what fod was for today and there were other snacks available (full fruit bowl, yogurts, cereal bars etc)

The mention of prawns makes me think he helped, as most teenagers I know wouldn't eat prawns (and most middle aged men are obsessed with them) but perhaps they're more exotic!

My pre teens eat prawns, I can’t imagine they’ll go off them as teens!

Did you take the car OP because you were annoyed they are the food, leaving your husband with the option of an UBER or nothing?

So you said there would be no money for petrol because the food had to be re bought but he has money for an UBER, this doesn’t make sense.You say he would use his own money but why couldn’t he use this for petrol?

Sounds like you are annoyed generally, either at him or at the children.

It transpires that DH joined in with eating the food ….. younger sd burst into tears about it all and said to him ‘YOU had the bread and cheese and ham and now we are getting the blame ‘ he is saying he forgot as bread and cheese isn’t typical bbq food and he had had a long day and was exhausted so didn’t remember etc etc etc ……

Yanbu OP but I think his daughters had a bit of help with the eating from their dad. It does seem an awful lot for two girls who had already eaten.

I'd feel like it was a middle finger up from the girls, to eat the food you have asked them not to.

And let's be honest, they've been out for a nandos they don't need another activity/treat, so good on you for taking your car and having a coffee on the way home from your second shopping trip.

People who say, they are teenagers, it's what they do. 🤯 I despair I really do.

No surprise to anyone.

So now he has to manage the consequences of his laziness and parenting choices. I'm sure he manages to hold down a job where he can still remember very simple instructions at the end of a long, tiring day.

@DanceMonster Fair enough!

We have a joint account and separate personal accounts. We both transfer a certain amount to the joint account each month for joint costs and also have our own money.

Maintenance already comes out of the joint account and also we budget from that for the girl’s activities too so really it shouldn’t actually be an issue for DH to have used some of ‘his’ money for his own children today. He decided to sulk and not bother rather than pay for a taxi and any other costs himself . I think younger sd can see what’s going on as she’s been very apologetic and also dropped DH in it when he was letting them take the blame which was nasty in my opinion as he could have owned up.

Your younger dsd might be upset now, but at least she saw that when the most important man in her life treated a woman with disrespect, that woman stuck up for herself and didn’t shut up and put up with his crap.

You’ve done her a favour OP, you did the right thing this morning.

If your partner was eating the food too then stop punishing the girls and have a proper go at him . Sorry but he is the one to blame .

What a sorry excuse for a dad. Refusing to admit he made a mistake, willing to let his daughters take all the blame, and then sulking and refusing to use his own money to pay for an Uber so they could still go out.

Omg. Your DH is an absolute dick

I’ve spoken to them all and I’ve made it clear that DH was wrong to not own up and let them take the blame but equally they did know it wasn’t snack food. Girls actually seem ok and seem to understand it’s DH in a right mood he’s now said that I’m undermining him and telling him off like he’s a child too.

I think he’s probably going to storm off in a bit but I’m going to go back out to the garden now and try to get on with the rest of the day !

Your husband is a complete arsehole, I'm afraid, to you and to his daughters. Quite shocked by your recent updates.

I think they understand, we usually get on really well I’ve know them since they were really little and we rarely have issues , so I think that I rarely have to tell anyone off has me at that when they’ve seen I was really upset and cross today it’s made them realise but it’s not fair that DH has been so manipulative by trying to pin the blame on them.

I'm stunned!
Can't believe that a grown man would stoop so low as to take the food and blame his own daughters.
Disgusting. I'd never be able to look at him the same way after this.
You were right to do what you did OP.

So you are paying half this wasters maintenance for his children?

Why?

He allowed the children to take the full blame?

Loser.

I too would be annoyed at food specifically marked for tomorrows bbq being eaten today.

My children know better and always double check, because they know better.

Sounds like you have a selfish tight waster on your hands.

You sound like a bit of a mug OP.

Funny how these losers with children always find a soft touch to use.....

Also OP yes the girls knew it was wrong but do you think they'd really stand up to an adult who says 'it's OK'?
Again, your DH could have solved it like an adult and replaced the food, no bother.
Instead he choose to sulk and keep the girls at home.
What a prince of a man.

I agree tbh. If their dad is saying it's ok then they are going to go with that.

That’s fucking awful of him OP. He is a child. You deserve much better. I reckon this is the tip of the iceberg… and no you shouldn’t be paying for his child maintenance!!!

We just view it as a household cost - so we both contribute, dh puts more into the joint account as he earns more than me but it’s not an issue that I’m paying towards it

I’m really glad at least one of the step children can see they did wrong. There’s hope for them. Not sure about your dh though, he’s looking worse and worse.

It sounds like you have semi split finances though (I do too in a similar situation). His maintenance needs to come out his pot or he puts the maintenance amount into the joint point on top of his normal contribution. You're subsidising him and that money could be going on something for you in your old age.

So what would your grown up response be to bad behaviour?

He should be paying maintenance separately then you both decide how much to put in the pot, which would be based on income left at that point. It sounds as if your dsds have accepted they messed up and possibly a lot more mature than their father!