I spent the petrol money on food

[WellNoprawnsleftthen]

So now I’m the wicked stepmother

SD’s are 13 and 15. Here EOW. This weekend the plan was dh taking them out yesterday then eating out. Today DH was taking them early for an activity they wanted to do and this afternoon a family bbq.

Yesterday morning I did the food shop for the bbq.

Got up this morning to find they had eaten about 75% of the food , were talking a massive box of strawberries, big pack of mango and pineapple , pack of meringues and ice cream. Crisps, Prawns, sausage rolls, half of a pasta salad, cheeses, deli meats and cooked the bread and had that. After having a meal out ?

Apparently they were hungry. We’re on a tight budget so I have used the money set aside today for petrol mostly (plus some for drinks snacks etc) and replaced it all. I’ve now gone out in the car for a coffee and to get away and will go back soon just before my family get there.

Im now the evil stepmother. I told DH get an Uber and use your own money if you still want to go out as I’m furious he didn’t back me up at all just said ‘well they are teenagers ! But I had SAID to everyone what fod was for today and there were other snacks available (full fruit bowl, yogurts, cereal bars etc)

She told them.

And its really off to compare paying for food they have eaten when told not to to working to up a chimney or beating them. It's really insulting to those who have suffered that.

They should also be apologising that you have had to do that op

I think you're spot on with "here's what I think the DH expected to happen". It was that very scenario that went through my head when I read OP's post of 13:03 -
"I’ve also let dh know that I’m doing the cooking on the bbq he can sort the house out by 2 pm so that’s a role reversal too as usually he’s sitting in the sun tending to the food while I’m tidying and I’ve had enough of it"

I'm left with the feeling that OP's husband is your stereotypical Disney Dad. Does all the fun stuff - taking his daughters to Nandos, to activities - but totally abdicates the parenting role when it comes to disciplining them for eating all the food meant for the bbq. No, he just shrugs his shoulders at that sort of stuff. He wants to be their friend more than he wants to be a good parent.

And that why I think the OP did exactly the right thing when she took the car shopping, and stayed out and had a coffee. He was perfectly capable of ordering a cab and paying for it out of his personal money, but no, he preferred to sulk like a baby. His crap parenting was the reason she had to go shopping again, fuck off with the idea that she should haul it all back home on foot while he swans off to an activity with his two locusts. Nope, she was entitled to reduce the inconvenience as best she could by using the car. And telling him the usual BBQ roles are going to reverse today was, frankly, a stroke of genius.

Someone has said "if they were your children I bet you wouldn't have said anything", despite the amount of people who have said they wouldn't accept it from their teens.

So we're close!

It wouldn't be stripped back if DH and the girls had to go and replace it all themselves, with her DH paying...

It would teach them far more of a lesson if they had to spend time replacing what they shouldn't have eaten.

Hope you're having a lush bbq OP and the weather is holding out

I live with someone like this. Food for upcoming occasions is tied in carrier bags like a PP suggested and placed in the back of the pantry or back of the fridge/ salad drawer with other food arranged in front of it to hide the bags. It's the only way OP!

🤦🏻‍♀️

Every time.

It's like bingo sometimes

@towriteyoumustlive yeah I agree but that relies on him actually agreeing to do it. If he wouldn't, this was the next best thing.

I’m certain that “D”H was a participant in eating the food designated for the
BBQ along with SDs. If he went to bed at 1130pm, it’s unlikely that the girls were up after that having a feast. OP must think that too.

Yanbu, no man is ever worth taking on SC for. I couldn't ever tolerate crap like this. If it was my own dc I would definitely let them know / they would ask but as a SM there's very little you can do. No thank you.

I'm 100% with you OP! You still had to replace the food and what was your DH doing apart from sitting on his derrière?!
I hope your DSC are currently helping you prepare for the BBQ and DH has a broom up his bottom! 😂

They shouldn’t have eaten the food but the real villain of the piece is your DH. It’s unbelievable to me that he’d just have ignored a direct request to replace the food (whether doing it himself or sending the teens to do it). That’s appalling. Thoughtless teen eating is a far lesser crime.

That said, I’m baffled by the economics of all this. No money for petrol but plenty for Nando’s and coffees out? Telling DH that the petrol money has gone so he’ll have to get an Uber? It makes no sense.

What rubbish!!! @rookiemere they didn't NEED to be taken out for a fun activity they may have WANTED to go but they don't need it and certainly it's seems they don't deserve it.

On the other hand the OP did NEED to replace the food that they had scoffed!

So OP had every right to inconvenience them by taking the car. Perhaps if more kids were given consequences for their inconsiderate actions then we might have less of an entitled society!

The teenagers were selfish pigs to have eaten all that after you went to bed. Suspect your DH helped them eat it, too.
Actions have consequences.

Why on earth should you be stuck spending your money to replace everything he and his children ate and ending up on foot in this heat and carrying it allto boot. Or having to spend even more of your money on a car ... when you have one.

I'd make it very clear to your DH and his children that this is 100% on them and it's not your responsibility to replace that amount of food for a party/bbq event that his children gobbled up the night before knowingly. It's his.

I had this with my first husband and his DDs. It drove me mad. I’d get a weeks worth of food in on a Thursday/Friday and the whole lot would be gone by Saturday afternoon. Then I was the evil one for not replacing it. There was a reason I got the food in at the end of the week, Asda on a Saturday was hell.

You have my sympathy!

Why should OP get a deliveroo (if it even exists in her area) when H should have got an Uber to the activity?

I just don't believe two young teenage girls went out for Nandos at dinner time and then were still able to eat "massive box of strawberries, big pack of mango and pineapple , pack of meringues and ice cream. Crisps, Prawns, sausage rolls, half of a pasta salad, cheeses, deli meats and the bread" to themselves. Most likely that is an exaggeration or they had a lot of help eating that food.

Are they normally well behaved? What is your usual relationship like with them? Have they done things like this before?

And how did you expect the OP to get all the replaced shopping home. Why should OP be inconvenienced by standing about in the heat waiting for a bus, or Uber while the greedy teens and unconcerned daddy waft off to their activity in the family car?

Seriously, if people are going to these lengths to ensure they aren't negatively impacted, how will they ever learn?

I have teenage nieces. They could easily eat all that after their dinner.

I disagree. These are natural consequences. I also suspect the food was eaten by the 3 of them.

I suppose teens must all be different. My dd certainly couldn’t. She’s the complete opposite in fact most of the time. I also ate very little as a teen. A couple of her friends otoh would perhaps be able to do it.

I'm astonished by the number of people on here who think you should have to spend your own money twice on the same food, and spend your time doing the same chore twice, just so a couple of teenagers and a lazy parent can do what the fuck they like with no consideration or consequences.

All the bleating about teenagers being hungry- yes, anyone who parents teenagers knows this. That's why they were given dinner (a treat dinner out, in fact), and had plenty of non-bbq food and snacks available in the house.

Why do people think that the DH and teens would have actually gone to replace the food when the OP asked? They didn't listen and do what they were asked to do when the OP told them what food was available for snacks and what needed to be kept for the bbq- there's no chance they'd have done the food shop. If they'd disapeared off to the activity then the OP would still have been stuck doing the shop, but with no car.

What OP has done is consequence based parenting. They (teens and quite possibly DH too) ate food which now needs to be replaced. OP needed the car to do this food shopping, so now the car isn't available for trips out. That's the consequence. Using your own car to go food shopping is not 'a dick move!' Money spent on replacing food which had been set aside is now not available for fun trips out. Again, this is a consequence.

And actually this consequence is far kinder to the DH and the teens than the greed-shaming option of not getting in food and declaring to guests that food is short because DH and teens troughed it all as late-night snacks.