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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH dumped kittens on me

177 replies

Kitcatkins · 11/06/2023 08:17

Long story short, DH took in some stray kittens that would otherwise have died. I agreed on the basis that he was the sole caregiver - I don't like cats and don't have time for them.

Of course, increasingly, they are becoming my responsibility as DH asks me/leaves me to do stuff for them. I'm particularly pissed off this morning as I got up early to work and he heard them smashing some glass so texted me to clean up as he is still in bed.

If I had the choice I'd take them to the animal shelter for rehoming, but we have young children and their dad has promised we can keep them.

What should I do? Either I'm stuck with the burden of animals I don't want, or I break my kids' hearts.

OP posts:
DataNotLore · 11/06/2023 08:18

How did some kittens smash glass?

Original poster
Kitcatkins · 11/06/2023 08:19

They pushed a glass vase off a windowledge

OP posts:
DataNotLore · 11/06/2023 08:19

How many kittens?

How old?

They will grow up and be very independent. Get some toys out and play with them, you might surprise yourself.

MandyMotherOfBrian · 11/06/2023 08:20

What should I do? Either I'm stuck with the burden of animals I don't want, or I break my kids' hearts

Erm, no, those aren’t the only two options.
The third option is, every time you’re asked to do something for them, you say No.

Wolfiefan · 11/06/2023 08:20

You’re not stuck with it. You tell DH they are his responsibility or he can explain to the kids why the cats have to go. Or LTB and leave the cats with him. He sounds pretty useless.

DisforDarkChocolate · 11/06/2023 08:21

Get him out of bed.

Timetochangetheoil · 11/06/2023 08:22

MandyMotherOfBrian · 11/06/2023 08:20

What should I do? Either I'm stuck with the burden of animals I don't want, or I break my kids' hearts

Erm, no, those aren’t the only two options.
The third option is, every time you’re asked to do something for them, you say No.

Yep exactly right. When he text you, you should have replied saying ‘No, I’ve left for work you do it.’ And just keep saying no?

NuffSaidSam · 11/06/2023 08:22

And did you do it?

Did you follow his orders from his bed like some sort of servant woman?

If you did then this situation is entirely on you.

If you replied, 'No, I'm working. They're you're kittens you get up and clean the glass up' then you're already well on the way to making him understand you mean what you say and shouldn't have a problem going forward.

Long term, if you don't like cats get rid of them. Animals shouldn't live in homes where the adults responsible are too lazy (your DH) or not interested (you) in caring for them.

DataNotLore · 11/06/2023 08:23

I think you need these cats in your life.

Do you have a very stressful life in general?

Original poster
Kitcatkins · 11/06/2023 08:24

MandyMotherOfBrian · 11/06/2023 08:20

What should I do? Either I'm stuck with the burden of animals I don't want, or I break my kids' hearts

Erm, no, those aren’t the only two options.
The third option is, every time you’re asked to do something for them, you say No.

I feel like a bitch when I say no. I want DH to have what he wants but I can't figure out where to draw the line

OP posts:
cuckyplunt · 11/06/2023 08:25

I read somewhere that the reason we know for definite that the world is not flat is because if it was, cats would have pushed everything over the edge by now.

RampantIvy · 11/06/2023 08:25

YANBU to not want to do things for pets you didn't want.

However, YABVVU for disliking kittens and cats.

Beautifulsunflowers · 11/06/2023 08:25

How many kittens? 1-2 keep. Any more re-home.

I say this as a cat lover though and if it were puppies I’d be feeling as you are as I don’t like dogs.

How old are your children? Can they be any more involved in the feeding/playing/clearing up after them?

Your dh does sound like he’s passed the responsibility over to you. My reply to him this morning would be -‘I’m working, they’re your kittens, make sure that glass is cleared up before the kids get up’ OR -no reply at all as you’re working and haven’t looked at your phone. As long as the kids are not in danger of hurting themselves on the glass.

Original poster
Kitcatkins · 11/06/2023 08:26

DataNotLore · 11/06/2023 08:23

I think you need these cats in your life.

Do you have a very stressful life in general?

Not too stressful really, though quite busy. I already have a dog to look after and I like doing that.

OP posts:
EmeraldFox · 11/06/2023 08:27

How many kittens? I would keep two and rehome any others.

Original poster
Kitcatkins · 11/06/2023 08:27

I did clear it up because I can't have the kittens being hurt due to neglect. That's the problem, I can't let them suffer because DH is not stepping up

OP posts:
SnapPop · 11/06/2023 08:28

You're not a bitch if you say no! DH needs to step up here (as he agreed to). Don't let him off the hook.

BMW6 · 11/06/2023 08:28

But when he sent you a text from his bed FFS why on earth didn't you tell him yo get out of bed and dealvwithbthe broken glass himself BECAUSE THEY ARE HIS CATS?!

SnapPop · 11/06/2023 08:28

He's not stepping up because you're letting him get away with that!

Original poster
Kitcatkins · 11/06/2023 08:28

BMW6 · 11/06/2023 08:28

But when he sent you a text from his bed FFS why on earth didn't you tell him yo get out of bed and dealvwithbthe broken glass himself BECAUSE THEY ARE HIS CATS?!

I love your anger 😎i need to adopt your attitude!

OP posts:
Lacucuracha · 11/06/2023 08:29

Kitcatkins · 11/06/2023 08:24

I feel like a bitch when I say no. I want DH to have what he wants but I can't figure out where to draw the line

Show quote history

Why would you feel like a bitch? He is the one not keeping his promise, he has the one who just expects to care for the kittens because you’re a woman, he was the one in bed ordering you to clean the glass. He is the one emotionally blackmailing you by telling the kids they can keep the kittens.

Tell him he either starts taking sole care of them today or you will give them to the shelter, because this isn’t fair on the kittens or you.

OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 11/06/2023 08:29

Keep the cats, ditch the lazy arsed bloke.

EmeraldFox · 11/06/2023 08:29

They will soon be cats, independent but with food costs, vet bills, for 15+ years. How many cats do you want? Kittens are easy for shelters to rehome, easier than if you can't manage when they are cats.

Muu · 11/06/2023 08:30

I think you need to accept that you’ll feel like a bitch for a second but you need to say no, they’re yours- the deal was you clean up after them.

This won’t be the only mess they cause. You will get your chance to put your foot down soon if you missed the chance this time- don’t worry

BMW6 · 11/06/2023 08:30

Kitcatkins · 11/06/2023 08:27

I did clear it up because I can't have the kittens being hurt due to neglect. That's the problem, I can't let them suffer because DH is not stepping up

Cross posted.

Well then he's got you doing exactly what he wants hasn't he.

No point moaning about it. You're enabling him in his offloading his responsibility onto you.

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