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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH dumped kittens on me

177 replies

Kitcatkins · 11/06/2023 08:17

Long story short, DH took in some stray kittens that would otherwise have died. I agreed on the basis that he was the sole caregiver - I don't like cats and don't have time for them.

Of course, increasingly, they are becoming my responsibility as DH asks me/leaves me to do stuff for them. I'm particularly pissed off this morning as I got up early to work and he heard them smashing some glass so texted me to clean up as he is still in bed.

If I had the choice I'd take them to the animal shelter for rehoming, but we have young children and their dad has promised we can keep them.

What should I do? Either I'm stuck with the burden of animals I don't want, or I break my kids' hearts.

OP posts:
Gettingbysomehow · 11/06/2023 08:58

Jesus 4 of them. Id struggle with that and I love cats.

diddl · 11/06/2023 09:01

You have to take them to the shelter if your husband isn't looking after them & you don't want to.

Sounds as if he is relying on you giving as he knows that you won't see them neglected/you always give in to him.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 11/06/2023 09:01

Four kittens is a lot of work, and I say that as a cat owner.

If he refuses to step up then I would rehome at least two of them.

Whataretheodds · 11/06/2023 09:01

Four?!

He is an absolute pisstake. Find your anger, OP.

Shinyandnew1 · 11/06/2023 09:04

Why was he still in bed?

If he was awake enough to hear glass breaking and text you, he is awake enough to come and clear up.

nopuppiesallowed · 11/06/2023 09:05

cuckyplunt · 11/06/2023 08:25

I read somewhere that the reason we know for definite that the world is not flat is because if it was, cats would have pushed everything over the edge by now.

That's given me the first laugh of the day! Thank you!!

Greenfinch7 · 11/06/2023 09:06

Please please please give at least two to the shelter while they are still little and they will easily find a loving home. Cats are expensive and a lot of work when they are old. If you don't even want 2 lovely kittens Sad, you don't want four 16 year old cats on a renal diet, needing thyroid meds twice a day.

Not giving two of the kittens to a reputable shelter is unkind to the kittens.

MrsToothyBitch · 11/06/2023 09:06

DH is U and lazy. I love cats (and totally up for rehoming a kitten Grin) but I'd feel just like you if it were puppies. They'd be in a shelter by now.

Do not feel guilty and be honest with the DC about this not being the best place for the kittens/taking on more than you can manage. It's a lesson to learn. My mum rehomed a cat we were struggling with when I was 7 - I was fine and we got another cat a couple of years later. Yabu not to show us the kittens though!

WarmButteryCrumpets · 11/06/2023 09:07

ShandaLear · 11/06/2023 08:53

‘No, they’re your cats. You sort them as you promised. I’m away out for a run/to do the shopping/to meet a friend/bathing a child.’

Rinse and repeat.

This.

He promised, you hold him to it.

And that's not being a bitch, before he suggests that!

Followill · 11/06/2023 09:09

I am the arsehole who will not let her kids get pets because I know I would be dumped with them and I am allergic. My DH knows better than to bring a load of pets into our home. I would have taken them back by now TBH.

You seem more arsed about everyone else's feelings than your own. Sometimes you need to out yourself first.

SophieStew · 11/06/2023 09:10

@MrsToothyBitch makes a valid point. It’s rather difficult to provide an informed opinion without a photo of the little fuckers.

Honestly OP, I am an old Mad Cat Lady. Four kittens is madness. They will form a Gang of Mischief and Mayhem and set about destroying your home. Genuinely, they will egg each other on to be naughty.

Can you rehome 2 or 3? Just tell the kids they have to pick their favourite 😂😂😂

Lacucuracha · 11/06/2023 09:11

Followill · 11/06/2023 09:09

I am the arsehole who will not let her kids get pets because I know I would be dumped with them and I am allergic. My DH knows better than to bring a load of pets into our home. I would have taken them back by now TBH.

You seem more arsed about everyone else's feelings than your own. Sometimes you need to out yourself first.

I’d say you are one smart cookie, not an arsehole at all.

HappyCatty · 11/06/2023 09:14

Kitcatkins · 11/06/2023 08:40

4 kittens. And my oldest child is 7 so can help but is too young for the responsibility without support.

I've looked at the local cat shelter page and they have literally no kittens. And these kittens are gorgeous but I'm too resentful to appreciate them!

Show quote history

I can't believe your local shelter has no kittens. I foster for a smallish one and we have over FIFTY in at the moment!!!

_
Here's the line for you to draw that you needed up thread.

I'm sorry to be harsh, but you need to stop being a people pleaser and tell your husband he said they would be his responsibility. And don't take no for an answer. Take the cats to him and tell him to sort the glass. It doesn't sound like he is actually ready for looking after cats if he can't be bothered to get out of bed to keep them safe.

As an aside, and please excuse me, as I said, I foster for a charity and these kinds of situations are heart breaking and very frustrating. How old are the kittens and what sex are they? Can you afford to get them all neutered in the very near future? Do you have any insurance for them? Does your husband know they can get pregnant at FOUR MONTHS old! And if they do get pregnant at that age then the may quite possibly need a C-section when they come to term (after 2 months, so when the kitten is just 6 months old themselves) which you are looking at possibly £1000 for care. And that's not even taking into consideration the trauma of the mother... And if they are from the same litter then the inbreeding can bring so many awful defects.

Please, don't do a "this is his problem" thing, for the sake of the kittens. Please, sit him down, discuss the above points and get this sorted now. Contact your local shelters, or at the very least, get them neutered asap. Otherwise, depending on how old they are and how many girls you have, there could be another 15 or so kittens to sort out in the not too distant future.

Over the top, impassioned plea over.

Singleandproud · 11/06/2023 09:15

Unless your house is massive 4 is too many, the recommendation is 1 litter tray per cat +1 so that's 5 litter trays.

They might get along well now but once older may fight a lot and get territorial.

Once they get older some of them might be hunters. Both of mine hunted and bought back gifts as young cats but have stopped now, with 4 that's a lot of birds, frogs, bat's, giant moths etc to wake up to.

Insurance + vet bills will be horrendous.

By all means keep 2 but don't keep all 4. They'll be easy to rehome now and the 7 year old should be able to understand you can't keep them all.

ThursdayFreedom · 11/06/2023 09:16

This cannot be real.

Any sane person would have just text back.

No. You wanted to keep the kittens, not me. Get your lazy ass out of bed & clean the glass up before kids or kittens get hurt. Then you can work out how to tell the kids the kittens are going. It'll be the kittens or divorce. Which do you think will upset the the least?

willow7612 · 11/06/2023 09:16

Tell him the next time you are asked to do anything for them / he doesn't do something that they require you will be rehoming all of them. It isn't fair on the cats and the kids will get over it.

I had the same deal with my pre-teens when they wanted a cat and they still, years in, know that I would do it if they don't look after him.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 11/06/2023 09:18

Four is too many kittens for a household where one member would prefer no kittens. He compromise would be to keep two and rehome two together.

EmeraldFox · 11/06/2023 09:18

Does your husband know they can get pregnant at FOUR MONTHS old! And if they do get pregnant at that age then the may quite possibly need a C-section when they come to term (after 2 months, so when the kitten is just 6 months old themselves) which you are looking at possibly £1000 for care. And that's not even taking into consideration the trauma of the mother...
Yes, I had a previous cat that I got at 9 months, after she had weaned her sole surviving kitten. She had four, two stillborn, one failed to thrive despite her being an excellent mother. She was tiny, likely stopped growing herself because of the pregnancy. You have to be very careful if they are mixed sex.

Original poster
Kitcatkins · 11/06/2023 09:18

HappyCatty · 11/06/2023 09:14

I can't believe your local shelter has no kittens. I foster for a smallish one and we have over FIFTY in at the moment!!!

_
Here's the line for you to draw that you needed up thread.

I'm sorry to be harsh, but you need to stop being a people pleaser and tell your husband he said they would be his responsibility. And don't take no for an answer. Take the cats to him and tell him to sort the glass. It doesn't sound like he is actually ready for looking after cats if he can't be bothered to get out of bed to keep them safe.

As an aside, and please excuse me, as I said, I foster for a charity and these kinds of situations are heart breaking and very frustrating. How old are the kittens and what sex are they? Can you afford to get them all neutered in the very near future? Do you have any insurance for them? Does your husband know they can get pregnant at FOUR MONTHS old! And if they do get pregnant at that age then the may quite possibly need a C-section when they come to term (after 2 months, so when the kitten is just 6 months old themselves) which you are looking at possibly £1000 for care. And that's not even taking into consideration the trauma of the mother... And if they are from the same litter then the inbreeding can bring so many awful defects.

Please, don't do a "this is his problem" thing, for the sake of the kittens. Please, sit him down, discuss the above points and get this sorted now. Contact your local shelters, or at the very least, get them neutered asap. Otherwise, depending on how old they are and how many girls you have, there could be another 15 or so kittens to sort out in the not too distant future.

Over the top, impassioned plea over.

Show quote history

Thanks for this message - it's what I needed to hear! I'm waiting on DH to organise neutering but obvs I might end up doing it. My hope is that we will neuter and vaccinate all four of them and then pass at least two to the shelter for rehoming

OP posts:
EmeraldFox · 11/06/2023 09:20

Once they get older some of them might be hunters. Both of mine hunted and bought back gifts as young cats but have stopped now, with 4 that's a lot of birds, frogs, bat's, giant moths etc to wake up to.

Mine bring in rats, big rats, one we found under my DS's bed yesterday because of the smell.

MandyMotherOfBrian · 11/06/2023 09:21

Kitcatkins · 11/06/2023 08:27

I did clear it up because I can't have the kittens being hurt due to neglect. That's the problem, I can't let them suffer because DH is not stepping up

Which is what he’s relying on…

lavenderlou · 11/06/2023 09:21

We have a cat. I wanted one, DH wasn't keen so we agreed the cat would be my sole responsibility. Had her nearly 6 years now and I still do everything - that was the deal. He will feed her if I'm out and they have quite a good relationship but if she throws up or brings in a mouse it's all on me.

I agree 4 kittens is hard work and will cost you a fortune in food and pet insurance/vet fees. I would keep two and take the others to a shelter - kittens will be rehomed easily.

ilovesooty · 11/06/2023 09:21

Take them to the shelter where they can be properly looked after. You didn't want them in the first place (as was your right) and your husband sounds unwilling and / or incapable.

RoyalGala · 11/06/2023 09:21

Kittens need a lot of mental and physical stimulation, especially as they’re prominently kept indoors until vaccination/spay/neuter. To be fair on them, if they’re not wanted by you and your DH won’t step up the kindest thing to do would be to re-home them via a reputable animal charity, otherwise it’s unfair on them.

msbevvy · 11/06/2023 09:22

Kitcatkins · 11/06/2023 08:27

I did clear it up because I can't have the kittens being hurt due to neglect. That's the problem, I can't let them suffer because DH is not stepping up

I wouldn't have cleared up the mess.

I would have taken the kittens away from any danger of being hurt by the broken glass by dumping them on the bed with him. I would then have gone to work and left them to it.