To be embarrassed by MIL behaviour at cafe?

[Amethyst13]

My mum came up to visit from down South last weekend, and we don't often see her as she doesn't drive and we wanted to take her out for lunch on Saturday. We went to a pretty local village that my mum likes to visit with my DH and MIL. There is plenty of parking in the village for a couple of pounds for the day, but my MIL was huffing and puffing about how she hates to pay to park and insisted she knew a better spot where we could park for free. I found this very irritating but my DH listened to her (he was driving) and we ended up parking about a km outside the village and had to tramp across a field and down a country road to get there.

My mum is in her 70s and has some mobility issues due to arthritis so I knew this wasn't ideal for her, but she didn't want to make a fuss and just went along with it. I was very annoyed with DH and MIL at this point for making such a big deal over saving two quid but my objections were brushed off.

After wandering the shops and galleries for a bit we stopped at a nice cafe for an afternoon tea and had very attentive table service from a lovely young lady.

My DH paid for the meal and when we were preparing to leave we left a few pounds on the table as a tip. My MIL was aghast at this and started flapping loudly about how she never tips at a cafe and that we were tipping too much, carrying on about it. I'm sure the server and other diners heard her. My mum was clearly very embarrassed by all this. DH is used to this tight behaviour from his mum so he just ignored her, but I shut it down and explained we had good service and I wanted to leave a tip.

We began our trudge back to the car and as we reached the car my MIL sidled up to my DH and proudly handed him back the £4 tip that she had actually swiped off the table! I couldn't bloody believe it. My mum was mortified, DH annoyed and I was seething. I'm still absolutely furious. Her stinginess is so annoying, it's like her main personality trait. She's proud of it and never misses an opportunity to moan about the price of something.

AIBU to absolutely refuse to go out to eat with MIL ever again?

But what if he refuses as the OP’s did

how would you actually ”make” him?

Where did OP ask her DH to go ahead and get the car on the way back and pick them up, and he said no? I missed that part.

Wow and I thought mine was a nightmare! That's awful, stingy cow.

. I was very annoyed with DH and MIL at this point for making such a big deal over saving two quid but my objections were brushed off.

It would seem the op never actually asked. Just was “very annoyed”

I am curious though how you would “make” an adult do something if they fundamentally didn’t agree

I can’t imagine a scenario where I ask DH to go ahead to get the car, and come back to pick us up, and he says no.

If he did say no just to spite me, and make us all (most importantly my mum with mobility issues) track all the way back, then I would assume our marriage has bigger issues than a stingy MIL.

However that is not the case here and not what OP said (she simply said DH also assumed it was a short walk, and didn’t mention anything about walking back) this discussion, and you hijacking the thread because I used the word “make”, is completely pointless.

Your DH sounds a bit wet. Surely where to park was down to him and you not his Mum! If he/you wanted to pay £2 to park, what's it got to do with her!

And why didn't you pipe up and say your mum couldn't walk that far?

Honestly, both of you need to grow a pair and stop allowing her to call the shots.

Yes you can’t imagine with your dh because he is decent.

same with my husband (now ex) but no way would he have refused

everything points to the OP’s dh refusing to do this given… well the entire thread.

so you saying to the op you would “make” him… I was simply asking… how?

The op was “very annoyed” with her DH and he “brushed aside” her objections

Are you that bored that you have to look up other people’s old posts, trying to find a word to catch them on and use against them? 🙄
I’m done talking to you, find someone else to pointlessly argue with.

I don't understand why you didn't get your dh to drop you and your mum at the cafe then let mil show him up the car park and they could have walked back, my dad has mobility issues and this is what we do, I drop everyone off then go and park up and if it's a difficult walk I'll go back for the car then come and pick him up somewhere closer

Yes. Recovering from minor op and very bored!

Well, I wish you a speedy recovery.

(and OP sorry for hijacking your thread, and YANBU to be annoyed of course)

Undeserved. It was purely cosmetic! Thanks anyway

Your MIL sounds awful OP, but if there is one thing I have learned with a few years behind me it is that you can't change people. I don't think you can just stop ever going out with her again, sometimes we just have to bite our tongues and go with the flow. Never going out with her again is not going to change her behaviour, it will just mean you aren't there to witness it.

Can't believe what I'm reading. Your poor mother having to put up with that display and nobody standing next to or up for her. Stop pandering to your husband's mother over everyone else's comfort and get the bugger put in her place. Short term pain and all that

I'd have gobe back with the tip to make a point and MIL would have had a stern conversation later on. She's out of order and you lot let her

She sounds like my late father in law, he’d peel an orange in his pocket so as not to share the smell.
Hid tightness actually cost him money, he was too tight to order a skip to take rubble away, he overloaded his car going to the tip and snapped the back axle.
Another time he wouldn’t pay for breakdown cover when driving in France, the car broke down and had to be towed to a backstreet garage, they totally ripped him off.
Parking was another bone of contention.
Like others have said I would have told dh to pick you and your mum up from the cafe. In fact I’d have refused to go another step over that field and insisted we park somewhere closer.
As for stealing the tip. She wouldn’t be invited next time.

She sounds like my late father in law, he’d peel an orange in his pocket so as not to share the smell.

That's amazing. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe , yes, she did, and no, we didn’t!

Over the years my poor kindhearted dh had run around after her no end - and she lived over a 2 hour drive away - she thought nothing of summoning him when he was exhausted after an 11 hour night flight for work - he spent so much time trying to help her when she needed it - arranging all sorts inc. carers - who she promptly sent away as ‘too loud’ or ‘too common’ when the truth was, she just didn’t want to pay for them, even though they were sorely needed.

And when he was away for work - fairly often - I did ditto. She appreciated none of it. She was monumentally selfish and self-centred, as well as mean with money.

My only question then is

why?

But no reason to make your mum walk back, when your DH could have fetched the car and pick you up? You need to locate your spine

My mum has mobility issues and I would never have let her walk that far. I would have insisted we at least drop her off in the town whether she agreed or not. The issue with your MiL is that you let her get away with this behaviour.

I've left a tip only to have someone I was dining with treat my tip as a discount for their part of the bill.

I couldn't believe it.

No chance given the defensive replies